Reading through my oldest poetry
That have only been seen by my eyes
Has got to be the worst thing I can do.

Old memories and thoughts renew themselves
In fresh tears and breath capturing sobs

Where was I when I wrote those?
What kind of hell was that girl suffering?
And why was there no help then?

The water drips from the faucet
As the worries fade from my mind

I rest my head on the back of the tub.
My heart sooths down to a murmur,
Not heard above the humming of the radiator.

This is wonderful,
Pure bliss without a worry on my mind.

The water stings against my body
As the heat turns my skin scarlet,
But it doesn't concern me.

I sink further under water.
This is relaxatio-

"Hurry up in there!
I need to take a shower.
And don't use all the hot water."

Well, ****.

today
I washed away my sorrows
my deepest inner part
to concrete

my eyes were in tears
my stomach turning
my throat burning
my nose running
and a disgusting scent
rotting away in my mouth

but I couldn't help but notice
a lifted weight
a dizzy high
a strange goodbye
to time passing by

as my weight dropped
and all I could do is sit back and watch
as I slowly killed myself
and enjoyed it

I know you have another and I know that you will go
But I have seen the doctor, my life is nearly done
Any feelings you once had are history, are gone
At least have the decency to wait until my life is done

The arguments we had over the most trivial things
These are the things that happen between two different beings
When we met you said the age gap was not a major thing
That’s why I was so happy on the day you wore my diamond ring

The hours when I’m wracked with pain, find it hard to breath
The only lucid vision in my mind is your body pressed to his
No fault of mine the sickness raging through my veins
No fault of mine the cancer eating at my brain

You scorned me when I told you, said it was all a plan
To keep you as my wife when you wanted another man
I find it hard to write these things as the salt tears blind my eyes
I beg you please stay by me until my untimely demise

You can’t lose now my darling for I am soon to go
You will soon be with the new man whom you love
This is not a sweet goodbye but one of pain and misery
I can write no more words to you for my eyes no longer see