And I walked
Barefoot
Down the road
A block or two
Gravel stabbing my feet
Quiet rustling stuttering my heart
I knew where I was headed
For a hug
A warm room
But I had to make the painful
Cold
Journey to get there

Woke up this morning
And there was rain
Lightning
Thunder
I still was excited
But I didn’t go run in the rain
And I flinched at the thunder
But I still admired the lightning
In awe
Powerful and silent
Lighting up the whole sky
It doesn’t need loud noises to be felt
Lightning is still beautiful
So is rain and thunder
Nothing has changed
Except for me

Why does having food in my stomach
Feel like I failed

I’m sorry mom
I still love you
But I’m gone right now
You hit me mom
I kept saying I’m sorry
But you didn’t hear me
Couldn’t hear me
I’m safe now mom
I miss you
I want a hug from you
I just wanted to be okay
But you hit me
I walked down the driveway mom
And I kept looking back
Waiting for the light to turn on
Waiting for you to run out
Saying it’s okay
Come home
But you didn’t mom
And I’m not sure I would’ve
If you did
I’m sorry mom
I didn’t mean to hurt you mom
But you hit me
And I am gone now

To quote a friend
I’m better
But still in the negatives
Things are looking more positive
I’m healing slowly
But I’m still sitting below zero
Rate my mind from one to ten
It’s better
But still in the negatives

Can't eat
Can't sleep
Can't stop crying
Can't breathe
Can't live
Can't do dying
Can't write
Can't read
Can't scream aloud
Can't choose
Can't break
Can't shut down
Can't fly
Can't fall
Can't let them know
Can't speak
Can't stay
But still can't go

I’m not the person I used to be
Something changed that night
Something snapped
I don’t like touch
I don’t care
I don’t talk as much
Enthusiasm is forced
Talking is hard
Sleeping is worse
Something changed that night
Not for the better