I stand across from you
Heat pulsing from my body
Fireworks screaming inside me.
There's fear and excitment.
Souls collide and what bursts forth is fast and furious.
Fire and flame come to burn the past away.
An inferno.
Standing on the edge of a precipice, needing wanting, dying.
We fall.
We swim in waters deep and rushing, drowning and pushing, fighting for air but never breathing.
Drink it in.
Seeing is believing and just as the end draws near there is hope in a million stars exploding with light.
Hearts turned molten run free.
Spin in and out of my arms again, bursting into flame as you go igniting my world once more.

Lying in bed
Trying not to scream
Hoping to wake
Is this a dream
Flying so high
Falling so low
Wondering
Where will this go
Every step I take
Hoping that my mind won't break
I am climbing this mountain
Searching for something
But is it isolation or solace

The day started out just like any other
Screaming boys throwing toys
Feet pounding like thunder

Tummies were rumbling
Energies depleted
Mom decided that breakfast was needed

While in the kitchen cooking
Always taking requests
Chocolate blueberry pancakes sounded the best

With pancakes on the stove
Aromas in the air
Two sets of tiny feet ran to the dining room chairs

With pancakes in sight
They squealed with delight
Ready to devour their share

While waiting for food
Conversation turned rude
One child shouted "MY PANCAKE, MOVE OVER!"

Knowing her children
Things could get heated
Trying to intervene she said "Move over, then stay seated"

Before she could turn her back
There was a shove a BOOM and a CRACK
Followed by ear splitting screaming

She pulled the cooking pancakes from the stove
Ran through the baby gate and dove
Looking to see if he was bleeding

His forehead was red
Blue and purple bruises already spread
A goose egg was starting to show

Pupils were checked
Tylenol and snuggles were given
Then mom returned to finish up her mission

A few minutes later
One hit the other with a Tow Mater
He fell to the floor
Thus ending the great pancake war

I once was brilliant.
Words flowed freely through my mind down my arms, to my paper...
To the world.
Ambition.
I knew that I would be a doctor, a life saver, a game changer.
A disease curer.
Curiosity.
It fueled me, freed me, lifted me.
A spark in the dark.
Literature.
It lured me, transported me, made me an addict of the wordsmith.
A literary scholar.
Life.
It derailed me, impaled me, stole my thunder.
A reminder that plans always change.

I am told often "I would never have know, how do you have such a normal life?"

Let me tell you my secret.

I smile while in my mind I see all the tragedy.

I always answer an octave above and with word that wouldn't be used by someone who wasn't more than "Okay."

I pick out the small triumph and polish it until it shines brighter than the sun even though it was just a pebble on the ******* BEACH that is my life.

I belly laugh at jokes even though on the inside I think "You *****."

In short: Fake It 'Till I Make It.

I feel like I am being suffocated.
Nobody has more than 30 seconds to hear what I have to say.
I drop everything and run to these people when they need me, but the reciprocation is just not the same.
I choke on these words that constantly flow through my brain.
By the time somebody stops long enough to hear me, I have shut away the pain.
I listen with open heart and give advice to those who ask.
I try to speak, but I feel like I am choking on glass.
I deal with it by shutting down and growing emptier every day.
My eyes will turn dark and their shimmer will fade away.
My words will eat my soul, and soon it will be lost.
I will sit here in silence becoming an empty shell, and when you come to speak to me you won't be able to tell.
I will answer with a smile and generously give advice, but I will never forget that when I needed you, you were as cold as ice.
Someday I will disappear and nobody will notice I have gone to live with these words in my own eternal hell.