**** all those other things
I LOVE YOU .

No introduction needed. We all know what pain is. Not the kinda pain you feel after falling but the kinda pain you feel after trusting, loving, caring and compromising and getting betrayed. We all know how hopeless pain makes one feel. And how one loses himself in it.

I on the other hand didn't know pain until it happened. Until nothing and everything happened.

Now my hand aches from the long nights i spend making love to my paper. Writing not because its artistic but because its a way of life. Survival.

I now know what pain is and I can tell you that its painful. I can tell you that it makes one feel hopeless..

My pain has turned me into a dark void. I push it down everyday assuming that I'll someday get relief from it.

Lost in my own mind that has nothing but haze that clouds every corridor. Pain that represses every form of feeling. I'm sitting in the middle of it all.

No conclusion needed. We all know that pain kills.
I know too....

She's sometimes afraid of him.
Afraid that he'll shut her out.
She is deep in it and she is willing to do anything to make sure that it doesn't happen.
This feeling of feeling so into him isn't gonna leave her anytime soon.
Every time she tries to forget about him,
she finds herself remembering all the good he has said.

She's afraid of being replaced.
A part of her believes she wouldn't but reality tells her a different story.
All the strings in her broke and she is losing her mind.
She is losing her mind over some guy.
A guy who teases her for being in love with him.
A guy who to me doesn't know what love is.

She's not gonna force anything.
Whether what she wants to happen happen or not,
she will be okay.

She knows that she has to somehow forget about him but she can't.
She is feeling alone and lost.
Broken.
She should be feeling love.

But I guess she's afraid of that too.

Can't move on. Everything reminds me of him and the love we could have had.
I smile to hide the pain but my cheeks hurt.
I'm going nowhere.
Writing makes things better and only makes things worse.
It takes the pain away and it escalates it.
Emotions getting the better of me.
Hating everything and everyone except for him.
He is proud of himself for getting me all worked up.
And I'm disappointed in myself for getting all worked up over a stranger that introduced me to darkness.
That introduced me to pain and anger.
I wish to stop allowing him to **** me over.
But it's like I'm enjoying the pain.
I enjoy getting hurt.
That's the only way to explain why I still love him.
I somehow found pleasure in pain.
That's the only way to explain why I still try.
I'm addicted to the pain.

Would you help me if you knew that I'm dying inside.
If you knew that I cry myself to sleep every night.
Its not about the attention.
Its about a 17 year old girl who is really asking for help.
I didn't know loving hurts so much.
I didn't know people could be so cruel.
I didn't know.

Would you help me if you knew that a sometimes I write with silver?
If you knew that life doesn't excite me anymore.
In all honesty its not about the attention.
Its about a 17 year old girl who is tired of hurting.
I didn't know loving you could bring me such pain.
I didn't know you could be so cruel.
I didn't know.

Your the only one that can help me though.
Your the only one that can put me out of my misery.
Your the only one that can end this.

So you are bringing me pain
I tear at my face
Hoping the flesh will mold itself
Into something
better
I look like a zombie tonight.
Im tired of executing this fight.
I thought i could do this 'till i die
Truth is all I wanted to do was chase you.
And in the end the question is what did you even amount to?
I was willing to give up my skinny jeans,
Aviators
And band shirts
In turn for your attention and love
But you took me and made me a fool.
"All in the name of love"
I tried to be what you wanted
But what you wanted was a swimsuit model and a load of ca$h.
Im sorry,
But im not saying sorry to you.
Im apologizing to myself.
I was willing to wash myself away
For a girl.
And it seemed like my body and heart was shot at with an rpg.
But know,
I wish you
A very special
********

I may write to you all the time.
I may write about you too but don't
ever think I'm nothing without you.

My dear stranger your nothing to me as
I'm nothing to you too. Read my pieces and
read them carefully. Don't ever think everything
is about you.

I may write about being hurt.
I may write about pain.
But trust me when I say all is okay.
Trust me when I say I'm not troubled.
Trust me when I say you haven't broken me.

My dear stranger remember that not everything
is about you....