In adversity & hardships
the test of strength becomes greater
When happiness is the destination
terror becomes the focus in the process
Vision remains clear thru dark clouds
the path remains intact despite the carnage
Still I fly thru turbulence
& come out stronger than before

I get tired of the silent screams & mute cries
pacing in my room wishing I had an escape
but I must pretend like I'm okay
Search thru the dark silence surrounded by the voices thru the hall
& in the corner, you'll find me deep within the madness
Emotional, I may be but deep down I urge to see the light
but only with the right help or I won't bother to move
These tears are more than just tears, it's a testimony from the struggle
that I've been attached to tryna find my way to peace
you'll see the demons that bring the horror to make you believe I'm good
only for the kid in me to cry out before the terror contains me forever

yesterday, i cried from pain
yesterday, i wanted to quit
yesterday, i was broken
yesterday, i departed from sadness

today, i am free
today, i start over
today, i shall fly
today, i shall smile

tomorrow, i vow to be greater
tomorrow, i wish to be stronger
tomorrow, i strive for greatness
tomorrow, i learn from the mistakes of yesterday

Focus on the past & you'll miss out on what you're missing
it's back there for a reason so let them stay there reminiscing
some people throw away gems when they don't see it's worth
easier said than done but move on, I know it hurts
but it's something better waiting for you in the days to come
you'll miss it if you're still looking back at what you're departing from
hurt people hurt people & most people don't heal from the hurt
they move from heart to heart only making wounds worse
PTSD from relationships & memories of the past play in a loop
causing you to punish the innocent for things your ex did to you
You can say you moved on but your mind has yet to depart
clouding your days so even your brightest days feel dark

Why do we argue?
Why do we scream?
Why do we go back & forth?
I want you to go but don't want you to leave
I don't like to beg but I'm on my knees
You say it hurts you but it hurts me even more
give you love although I'm not in love anymore
we grew apart & the fighting tore us apart

Why do we argue?
Why do we fight?
I love you & you changed my life
but this love didn't feel fight
despite circumstances, the future was bright
but I don't think this love is the love of my life

The tears of lost souls usually get overlooked or ignored by most which leads to the wandered travel dark paths that result in death or being empty

And they're further pushed to the edge when their pain becomes a comedy until they're gone then all rise the apologies which is only given to cover the negligence of those they're loved by

I see the carnage from a birds eye view hence why I write the way I do especially if it means there's light for a greater hope

I stand in the midst of cried rivers falling from the eyes of the misery that details the terror inherently within the world they were brought up in with the most of them losing friends & some seek the path of no return just waiting for their souls to burn in the war amongst ourselves

I see a world going up in flames
whether it’s from street wars or political riots
unarmed colors on the grounds to provoked rebel flags
rainbow themed flags causing backlash
I see more chaos than I’ll ever see joy
dark clouds above all heads mixed with pouring rain

I see a world desiring to be beautiful
but struggles with its own imperfections
progression stalls when drama is glorified
acts of kindness only matters when cameras roll
demons taking over innocent souls
as the world continues get more colder

I see a world suffering from pain & trauma
with healing being desired but unable to be found
so drugs are used to cope to provide temporary numbness
several dying to live, even more living to die
seeking peace that only lives in the sky
& as the world continues to fall, I can only hope
that better days are soon to come

Freedom isn’t Freedom when
we’re still fighting amongst ourselves
all because one race feels superior
& the others still fight for equality
to be seen as human & not animals

Freedom isn’t Freedom when
we’re divided by hatred & political beliefs
the past still being taught to the youth
by those who hold on failed objectives
that got us here in the beginning

Freedom isn’t Freedom when
certain sexualities are seen as a disgrace
in the eyes of those that follow religious practices
preaching “love thy neighbor” but the 1st to judge
as if we’re not God’s children on different paths

Freedom isn’t Freedom when
we’re still at war with inexcusable deaths
committed by bullies with badges who serve to protect
freedom will never be Free
even Peace comes with a Price

In the beginning, they ask you the same thing
all these empty promises that don’t mean a thing
Conversations about everybody that left them
but hope that you will accept them
heard the words “I love you” more than enough
confide in them because they’re the ones I can trust
but here’s the craziest part of all
they all left with me standing alone after helping them crawl
there was never any love, I was a stepping stool
investing real love like I always do cause I’m a fool
everybody isn’t the same, that’s what they say
but I see no differences just the same games they play
Granted, I’ve had my fair share of breaking hearts
situationships ending with me walking away, I played my part
but when I chose to love I was met with the same outcome
& people question why I always tend to doubt them
Love was always given out, way more than I gave myself
with my only regret being the lack of love for myself

I wish I knew what being perfect felt like
the ability to grab eyes when I walk in the room
I wish I was never forced to be the villain
I wish my present wasn’t so affected by my pasts’ opinions
I wish my dad actually cared enough to come around more
I wish my feelings weren’t so ignored

I wish the family I knew was the family that still exists
maybe I wouldn’t feel so alienated
I wish i still had the heart to repair what’s already gone
& return back to the home that my heart belongs
I wish i didn’t fear love so much & embraced it more
I wish I could give my life so my loved ones could live more

I often wake up in tears but can never explain it
I hate myself in every form & I hate it
sometimes I see myself on this mountain looking back
at everything that’s happened prior getting here
then ask myself, “Why am I still here?” when I feel incomplete
& the only time I vent is in my sleep causing me to cry endlessly
I feel like I’m by myself although I’m surrounded by love
but in the end, would they love me more if I wasn’t here
I bring joy to those I love to hide that I’m not okay
but they have enough on their plate so I remain silent
then at night when I close my eyes & drown in the waterfalls of my sorrows
I wanna be happy but happiness doesn’t come without sadness
& unfortunately, I’m trapped in a world that’s full of evil & madness
I could share my tears with one of my close friends
but who cares enough to keep me from putting this life to an end
I’ve been at war with my own mind since I was a kid
I keep looking for an escape but every turn is a dead end
& I’m tired of calling on alcohol & sleep aid as a friend
If only you knew how many times I’ve driven my fist into a wall
or how many times I’ve tried to consume more than 150 mgs of sleeping pills
still wishing for an overdose cause I don’t wanna wake up again
to face that demon in the mirror that I’ve called my friend
with the only thing stopping me is the pain it’ll cause my mother
can’t bring it to myself to hurt her way worse than the others

I used to think it was my biggest loss in the world
to lose the one person that brought me into this world
but going back to think about it, you're the loser here
for walking away from a blessing with the pain being severe
never mind the issues with you & my mom, I'm not apart of that
you owe me enough to guide me thru life but avoided that
I can't understand the idea of not raising my seed
grooming him perfectly to be fit respectfully as a king
with some lessons being better taught by men
"I gave birth to you so it's my job to help you win"
not a single birthday card or phone call to be sent
just that $80 a week on child support spent
you loss out on a miracle, a blessing to be exact
making him grow to disliking you, you gotta live with that
used to be sorry for being your son but it's not me
to tell a dad about his responsibilities
you created a monster that turned into a gem
that soon a monster & slowly becoming HIM
hope you're proud of me dad cause I made it
I now love the creation that spent my life hating

Stability, electric, & comfortability
with the candles lit along with R&B
the vibe you getting more close to me
but I don't need to take off clothes
kiss your lips or wrap your legs around me
Just need the sound of your voice
along with your trust instilled in me
with me sitting back allowing you to safely
be yourself, there's no catch with me
if you need to cry or laugh, feel free
it's the small things that I wanna see
the small things others don't get to see
that side of you that you only gift to me
the side of you that comes alive with me
the side of you that doesn't need me
but with my help, it becomes magic
you don't feel judged or backed in a corner
more like a friend with a lending shoulder
that vibe alone is the best of me
cause it's the best type of intimacy
the type of space where you feel safe with me
the type of space where you fall in love with me

It’s not about the *** or the love making but about the connection
when we share our love & get lost within the expression
just the idea of alone of sitting down without any interruptions
understanding one another to avoid any future dysfunction
we both want the same thing & both share the same passion
of bonding thru vibes, sharing tears of feelings, or even laughing
the closer I get to you, the more you make me feel
shocked with excitement with the peace that you don’t conceal
like I’m on top of the world with nothing else mattering much
with the electricity in the air lighting up the room even without a touch
it’s the smallest gestures that make the biggest impact
something that can’t be explained & can surely never be matched
for whether we talk throughout the night or just sit within the silence
with you, I can never feel like I’m off course cause you are my balance
Love, Peace, Comfortability, & butterflies is what we feel inside
but that’s what happens when 2 rare & unique souls collide

You’re precious but even my words leave you unconvinced
you’ve been destroyed by love & haven’t been the same since
a solid one that’s for sure but you’re often unappreciated
feeling like a source of lust cause most love these days are undedicated
it’s sad that the only love you’ve ever known was abuse
verbally & physically with unprovoked rage used as an excuse
you cook, you clean, then deal with all the toxicity from the outside world
doing wifely things for a man when you’re not even his girl
hurts my heart to watch a masterpiece often sit silently while she suffers
cause she knows is broken promises, blocked calls, & broken rubbers
rain on me, put your pain on me, you feel lost & lonely
wanted love in the highest quality to only become another body
You’re way too **** precious to let men treat you so ugly
delivered love on time, every time in the highest quality
a diamond in the rough that’s been ignored a little too much
a treasure for a king that should be treated as such
so forgive me on behalf of all those who disregarded your value
an high quality object but most have only degraded its volume

This is the poem where I appear ecstatic
only to distract you from the truth
trying to keep my head clear but still there's static
trying to bring back my youth

This is the poem where I tell you I'm fine
but I'm lying, I'm down on my knees
begging please to the highest power above
that I'm relived from this hell & grant me love

This is the poem where I tell you I've won
the battle with my demons but I still hold the plug
in hand, just waiting for the moment to say F**k it,
take the head jack & unplug it

This is the poem where I tell you I'll be okay
when in fact, I won't be & I give my ending a delay
cause although I want it to end, the guilt kills me
of making my family bury me but I hope they forgive me

As a Man;
My main objective is make you happy in any way possible
but there are things you request of me that I shouldn’t been held responsible
I understand that your heart has been broken several times
& almost every man has made your soul cry
however, I do ask that you don’t demand for me to fix the cracks
of your shattered heart or place that undeserved pressure on my back
for I’m trying you in the best way possible, flaws & all
but I’m not obligated for punishment when I’m not the cause
cause happiness can’t be created when pain hasn’t cease to exist
it only causes more havoc with potential blessings being missed
I’m not the 1st to love you but I strive to be the last
but in order for me to do so, it’s imperative to forgive the past

As a Woman;
I desire to be your King, best friend, & partner
with the need to bring light when your world gets darker
You’re not my child, my prisoner, or my property
I don’t control your well being, that's not how to love properly
You have everything you already need but you request my presence
& that alone, in my eyes, is an overwhelming blessing
help me love you so I can love you to my best ability
never take you for granted or conduct in clownery
I’m a force alone but with you, I’m a statement
I’m capable of being the best but show me how to be the Greatest

When I say Make Love, you may think ****** energy but I define Making Love as an experience between 2 presences who create something precious thru emotion & within mind

The understanding of ones mindset as well as their way of life that better describes who they are, what they’ve been thru, & what they’ve become based on past experiences

When you truly Make Love, you create something that can never be copied but admired by each other & those who see the glow as a result of indescribable events

And when Love is Made, you then see everything from a new point of view that causes Happiness in a new light giving it a source that turns the dimmest room into light

in the dark, i fight my biggest battle

not the sadness or need of sleeping pills

but the monster that resides within

in the mirror or in my head controlling the rage

willing to cause havoc, seeing only red

with pain being its only motivation

violence in the aftermath, no words said

it's the days with just us 2

nobody to invade our vibe

me being goofy & you laughing by my side

either cuddling on the couch or in the bed

the whole world blanked out

just you & me, nothing else matters

Not everything can be discussed
but assure me that everything will be okay
I'll tend to push you out
but promise me that you'll stay

Although you can't relate or understand
just lend an ear whenever I need to vent
you provide comfortability & that's like home

If I do become distant
refrain from taking it personal
but space is required for me sometimes
especially when my demons are winning the battle

I am my biggest enemy
with my mind being my worst villain
& even the brightest days
everything will begin to go dark

I am NOT Okay & this is the Only way I know to Say it

For the 1st time in my life, I'm exciting to announce that I'm officially a published author. I've been working on this book for the past 6yrs & it's finally available for purchase for those who're interested in knowing my story. I appreciate any support that I get & it means the world to me if it inspires someone out there who's going through the same situations as me. Happy to share my story with you all & I hope you enjoy it. Thanks in Advance

- King Pencasso

https://www.authorhouse.com/en/bookstore/bookdetails/844426-from-darkness-to-light

In the midst of Darkness, I've become attached to the forces that's lured me in

to show me the wonders of this world where the rules don't apply & freedom becomes one

I can't escape this rage & the feeling it gives but I don't think I truly want to

although when I transform into this beast, the heart still remains see through

cause even with the aggression, you still see the kid trapped inside being held captive

knowing the pain will begin to explode & the aftermath will be massive

Love doesn’t Love the way Love used to Love
but I’m not sure if we should Blame Love
cause it’s not Love that’s changed
it’s the ones who gave Love but never got Love back that’s changed
it’s the ones who had all the Love in the world to give
but never got the same Love back given to them
when those who Seek Love don’t really want Love
they’re on the Hunt for the Lust
the type of Lust that doesn’t come attached with Love
the type that’s caused Pain cause they don’t know Love
Sneaky Links & hook ups, that’s that new age Love
the Pleasure for the Moment then you’re on to the next Love
settle for the Love in those who don’t confess Love
I need that Old School Love, that Love before the 2000s Love
that Get dressed & be ready by the time I pull up Love
that Love me so much but I don’t get enough of Love
that Meet me at the Alter in your white dress Love
that Here & Now, I promise to Love faithfully Love
that You are my Lady, you got me Feenin’ Love
that All My Life, we Cry Together because I Love you Love

Am I wrong for thinking we could be legit, happy at peace building a foundation that lasts for eternity. Best friends in every aspect & feeding off each others energy

Is it unnecessary to stay safe although I doubt you’ll cause me harm with your heart not being able to handle tearing me apart or looking to you for light when my world becomes dark

Am I crazy for thinking you’re IT for me & everybody else is only a distraction to keep me from loving this source of life that’s the answer for my prayers

And am I fool for falling in love with you when you hold the missing key to this heart of mine & although it’s damaged goods, you still admire it for its true worth that’s intact from the aftermath of loves nature disaster

I don’t believe in luck but I believe in faith, being that it’s the only thing that brought us together when we needed each other the most & taught us that real love deserves to be fought for

My wrongs have a list a mile long from where I’ve tried to correct my wrongs

in the many places of several hearts where a love like mine doesn’t belong

Broken many hearts that completely unintentional but what can you do

when we’re all playing games & their objective is to play you

Burned bridges along the way but they were already collapsing

& equipped with all the attachments that’s not everlasting

Don’t let me fall from grace or the high clouds that I’ve worked so hard to get to & don’t let me parish before I know how much I mean to you for this life of ours isn’t guaranteed to see the sunny rays of tomorrow or forget the cloudy days of yesterday

Don’t let me cry if life gets hard & I see no further reason to live anymore cause I’m tired of the pain inside that I can’t seem to let go of or the happiness that I’m too in fear to reach because of the potential end that may come on the backend as a result to happiness not being forever

Don’t let me go to sleep existing in a nightmare that’s never ending when I’m looking for my dream that may seem to be lost within my fantasy world & when I look around, it’s only me alone looking up to the clouds waiting to wake up again

The next chapter won’t begin until I find the source of joy that I’ve been waiting to see but my own insecurities have blinded me from right in front of me & that’s the love of someone who truly wants to love me although she’s seen that diamond with the cracks but still appreciates the value

Love doesn’t Love the way Love used to Love
but I’m not sure if we should Blame Love
cause it’s not Love that’s changed
it’s the ones who gave Love but never got Love back that’s changed
it’s the ones who had all the Love in the world to give
but never got the same Love back given to them
when those who Seek Love don’t really want Love
they’re on the Hunt for Lust
the type of Lust that doesn’t come attached with Love
the type that’s caused Pain cause they don’t know Love
Sneaky Links & hook ups, that’s that new age Love
the Pleasure for the Moment then you’re on to the next Love
settle for the Love in those who don’t confess Love
but I need that Old School Love
that Love before the 2000s Love
that Baby you are my Shining Star & don't you Go Away Love
that I'm Saving All My Love for you Love
that Meet me at the Alter in your white dress Love
that Here & Now, I promise to Love faithfully Love
that You are my Lady & you got me Feenin’ Love
that All My Life, I prayed for the one like you
that we Cry Together because I Love you Love

The grass is greener on the side, let’s compare the two

I bring Life to you while he takes the life outta you

but you ain’t the only female he’s giving pleasure to

while you ignore me whenever he’s in the mood for you

With me, you feel complete without crying when you feel defeat

wanting love from someone who steals your peace

Love is complicated enough & I’ve enabled you to use me

when you need to feel alive cause his love makes you feel lonely

so yea the grass is greener & I won’t be upset if you leave

You seek Peace but settle for Chaos combined with Toxicity

but who knew the best love I’ve never had would become my biggest enemy

we're bound to crash if love is ego driven

blinded by pride using tunnel vision

fast without being furious while in poor condition

soon to be halted due to a bad transmission

trying to repair what's broken without seeing the parts missing

speeding into danger waiting for a collision

who's to win if we're both playing to lose

speeding into love when love is better if we cruise

rose from the country roots

deep within the woods

& fields that stretch over a mile long

from the early morning sounds of roosters

to the late night sounds of crickets

where poverty is expected to take over lives

there resides, a young poet with fire in his eyes

with the hopes of changing the world

or inspiring the spark that further changes it

i love you, i miss you

kisses of sweetness

hugs of a lifetime quality

i was in love with you

but there comes a time

when one must realize

that you're no good for me

consider me the luckiest man alive

waking up to you & that face

bringing joy to my world

still finding it hard to believe

you're here living life along with me

& I were to lose you

I'd lose the greatest part of me

you dream a world

free from heartache & heartbreak

just you & your meant to be

without the world, the feeling of free

no tears or long nights that keep you restless

candle light dinner, morning awakes with breakfast

heaven on earth without the hell

dance with the sunshine with the rain in your rearview

for years, I've fought this feeling

of wanting love over a ****** healing

to say I Do to you

instead of what time to come through

thru chemistry, we carry on like lovers

in my mind, we belong together

I'm in love with my best friend

but she can't tell me why we're not lovers, just friends

i am king

i am poetry

i am love

i am dreams

i am sadness

i am happiness

i am all these things,
what i'm not i'll never be

"Happy Birthday"

the 2 words I never Heard

from the man that gave me Life

but Look me in the eye & say Goodbye

tired of not loving myself enough

tired of not giving myself enough credit

tired of not seeing the greatest within

tired of not loving me overall

tired of not appreciating who i am

tired of allowing others to use me

tired of allowing others to abuse me

tired of not loving me

tired of being tired

tired of crying

tired of feeling unappreciated

tired of wanting to disappear

tired of wanting to die

tired of being frustrated

tired of being sick & tired

loyalty overlooked
love unappreciated
affection never accepted
locked in for too long

when do you let go?
when is enough enough?
when do you get fed up?
how much pain can you suffer?

you cried one too many tears
too many sleepless nights
you've hated yourself far too long
for a fool that doesn't appreciate greatness

in the circus with the clowns
in the bins with the trash
in the clubs seeking flesh
in the streets dying slowly

they say good men don't exist
truth is, we exist within plain sight
often overlooked due to preferences
that only lead to broken hearts

questions of our existence have no answer
we appear where eyes don't look
but when least expected
once our presence is felt, it's magical

pain is a drug
& most of us can't get enough

falling for errors
while loving those we don't trust

red flags ignored
true intentions come to light

feelings get hurt
hearts are never taken in consideration

pain is a drug
some of us can never get enough

in silence where we reside

smiling with pain inside

guilty for following intuition

our blessing as well as our downfall

the cons of having a huge heart

As a man, I’m not ashamed to admit that I cry sometimes in the dark where I can’t be seen to anyone else who may not understand the concept behind my pains rainfall or the aftermath of the destruction from my damaged heart

Almost everyday, I question my stance as a man looking for any errors that may need correcting or any part of my spirit that maybe in need of improvements

Sometimes, I feel weak for being so emotional about what I feel or passionate about sharing love with another soul that needs me

Overall, I feel I am amazing but fall short on qualities needed to attract certain eyes that see through my false happiness & see the treasure that’s tucked away behind this pure heart of mine

Intimate conversations turn
Associates to close acquaintances.
talks about life & past experiences
that turn a heart cold that built
walls up to be the guardian against
the bad vibes that come around
with the intentions of harm

Over time, this pain births the doubts of happiness
& everything that’s attached to it
but we keep search in hopes of falling in love
only to fall victim & eventually look stupid

I’ve seen the potential in a few
out of the many I’ve chose to entertain
but they’re nothing more than lessons
of the game with the goal to destroy
you from within letting it be known you’re the problem

We can only bring true peace to ourselves
& only wish to addon to another one’s
peace if it indeed exists above the pain
that’s already established from the tragedies of the wrong love

I accept that I’ll never understand the pain, sacrifice, & patience
the sadness, the drive, or the strength to keep going
whether it’s the gift of life or the damage of a toxic love
without the fathers’ help but she manages to be all she can be
I feel it’s my duty to appreciate the magic in her presence
the endless crying tears, the endless sleepless nights
the feeling of being let down yet she still hangs on to her crown
I pray to the powers above that her heart is one day admired
her wounded existence & her will to never give up
is such a beautiful thing to witness
the pain or the beautiful madness of this Woman’s Work