Some days I do wonder about love
A poison people drink happily
They say the dopamine and oxytocin flood the brain
And a person goes all weird…
Well, is that true?
I hate love…and those kids of my generation
Acting all in love
How are they mature enough to name it love?

But I have seen love…
from the balcony of my dark room
Between that man and lady...
living in their own rainbow world...
The old man, above 6ft…
loves a lady, below 5ft…
Sharing the same room and life from past 50 years...
You see...they are not a necessity but a habit...
The radio plays...while he reads the newspaper...
and she knits a sweater...
Not even a single word is said...
But the air is filled with their love for each other...
There is something about the old lady that makes old man fall for her more every day…
The king himself...treats her like a queen...
It's funny to see the laws of physics come true...
As they said...opposites attract...
If he is an ocean filled with composure...
then she is the tide...
If she is the sun...
then he is the warmth...
As they sit together in their dazzling love...
The flowers they planted in name of each other...
Bloom fresh to this day...
The restlessness in his walk...the sadness in his eyes
when she is not around...says it all...
It was a gloomy November, when she got sick...
Only for him to get sick too in the coming week...
It felt like a connection of souls...
A fire burns in his heart...with a promise on his lips...
never to leave her side...

I wonder...the love I hate...
Can it really be this pure?
Nothing to expect...but just give endlessly...
A love so deep...that other's existence becomes a norm...
In this world of 14 billion faces...
Will I love someone this way?
The way my grandpa loves my granny.

The memory was hung there...
caught in a frame...
But, I looked at that smile...
A big curve stretched across my lips...
And eyes were smaller than normal...
As if couldn't let even a drop of happiness to fall...
I looked at myself in the mirror...
Where is it now?
I can't find it...
It's not that I didn't look for it...
But...a dumb like me...lost it...
Now the curve is not that big...
And the eyes....they are big and brown...
nothing to hold inside...
They do ask me about where I lost it?
But how long could I stay there looking for it?
I know...I was not worth it...
It traumatises me...how we change
The way we shed our pure skins at wrong places...
And then even forget those places...losing our skins forever...
Sometimes its 3 in the morning...or 12 in the noon...
Something hits me up...to get that old self back.
We are like an empty canvas,
And as we grow...we get painted in the colors of this world...
The childhood has it's own colors...
But this world...is like that bully...who wants to destroy the masterpiece...

However, the misery lies here...
the colors of this world are so dark...that the true masterpiece is lost forever!

There's this secret box under my bed...
It's for you...yes...for you
When you enter my room...
Please don't draw the curtains
The place holds my darkness and secrets...
It doesn't need the touch of light...
But the flame of the candle will support you...
Take the box and open it
You will find some stuff holding memories
of us from centuries...
Ignore them for a while
Take a look at that bundle of old yellow pages...
These are the poems I couldn't dare to complete
Do me a favor...complete them for me...please
I left spaces for your part
Write about yourself...
Write about us...
The typewriter is still on the table...
These pages do hold my soul and tears...
Do treasure it...it's the last of us
As for the secret box, take it or burn it
When you leave my place...with the poems, with our moments breathing alive in them...
Head towards that park with pink bougainvilleas...
which must be brown now...
Sit on that wooden bench under the banyan tree
And read all those poems containing us...
You will find me alive in those verses...
Give those pages your soul and tears too...
At least we'll be together there
Do not forget taking the last stroll in that park
Because...I have left the town forever.

I remember...falling from the giant sequoia...
I was falling from a height...I knew I couldn't survive...
My heart sank...not even a single beat to be felt
But...why didn't it feel like the apathetic ground?
How could I not die in my own blood?
How could the heart still beat?
It felt like falling on a cloud...or feathers...
It felt like...drinking a lukewarm tea...
full of love and worries...just for me...
I opened my eyes...only to find...it was them...
They picked me up with their hands...
placed me on the ground delicately...as if I was something precious...
Their faces were full of fear...
as if not even a scar on me...was bearable to them...
What was that moment?
May be a moment full of my worth...
"I didn't expect you to come..."I laughed
And they looked at me in disbelief...
"Where were we supposed to be?"
Laughter echoed in that sequoia forest...
As we returned back home...
I returned...with a spirit to reach new heights...
but this time...without a fear of falling down.

They say," You learn from your mistakes..."
But, what to do if mistakes are done on every edge...
I packed my bags...and went back to my island...
once I saw how crowded the city was...
filled with bright faces and black hearts...
I completely reject...that my heart is all red...
But not all black...
I gave them my treasure...for them to feel good...
But...look at them...trying to crush me with their heels...
They think...they know it all...
and I won't deny...
They know me...but they don't know me...
I am always at that same place...
They call me out as...boring...lazy...the list goes on...
Giving me...advices...on socializing
But do they really know?
Where I go...or where I went...
There are millions of secrets inside me...
With the fire burning higher and higher...
My heart turns darker...
But there is a difference between us...
I am my own treasure...
I am my own graveyard...
And yes...I do have a black heart...with a red door...
behind which...I save the love...for the handful...I trust...
They tell me...things about myself as if they own me...
A smile comes on my lips...
A smile full of pity... for them
as they continue to think...they know me...

It would come for me...
When all the sand of my hourglass would
be completely on the other side...
May be...it would have a reason...may be not
Because...it doesn't need one to arrive.
Last night...when a pain arose in my chest
And my heartbeat was all I could hear...
My breath was like a storm...
and my mind was surrounded by agony.
I realised...it doesn't matter...if I leave.
What will happen when I die?
A funeral comes in my mind
Some people called the closed ones...would cry
But ask them...not to shed tears
It doesn't matter...as Rumi said," Death has nothing to do with going away..."
But would I be a hero or a villain...when it arrives?
Would Hades send Thanatos to take me or would I reach the Elysium fields of Zeus?

But still here I am...not able to welcome it warmly...
There are people I have hurt...I have to put aid on...
There are places I have to reach...
There is someone I have to meet...
And there are verses I have to write...
there are verses I have to write...