The weight of this ball and chain has won
I have no nourishment in this body to fight
Living in the basement
The same four walls
This prison
I won’t make it out alive
The captures who put me here have won
I’ve made a list of goodbyes to ghosts who will never hear them
Maybe they will rattle their chains for me as I pass

My minds gone.
Fell off the cliff with every last piece of me
My hearts not here
Missing with the best of me
Was there a best of me? Where is the rest of me?
My memory
Gone
Like my mind and the rest of me

I just keep thinking about putting these flowers to my head
Will they take the pain away
The thoughts
Maybe they grow from my ears and leave me a beautiful bouquet to be remembered by.

It’s crippling
Breath trembling
My pain is paining
My body is falling
No one’s calling
The ambulance isn’t coming
There is no running
Just tumbling
The ground is falling
Beneath my feet
It’s dropping
My body is trembling

Once you’ve stood up for yourself
You’re no longer the person they told their secrets to
You’re no longer trusted
You’re no longer the person they run to
Instead they take this Mary go round for a spin and tear you up from within
The ride starts to spin and like children they run to all you’re favorite people and ****** them in
One by one the options are taken
Who you can talk to and have in your life to not look down on you based on lies becomes scarce
But dare I start picking my seat at the the Mary go round
Dare I speak the truth of the adulterer ?
Dare I tell of the nights you lay your head on her pillow while she’s gone
Dare I speak the truth of lust from one family member to another?
Dare I tell of the names wearing masks in your phone ?
Dare I tell the secrets ?
Dare I choose to hit the button and make this ride spin and spin and spin
I know who I am
I was trusted.
Dismissed
Kicked and pushed
I had a rope for a spine
Too loose to keep this body up let alone fine
But I lace this rope though my metal rod tightening it with my every being
Now ask yourself this
What TRUTH will she soon be speaking?

She’s learning to be silent
To move with the waves of the sea
Crashing against her body
Each wave taking her further and further until she is no where to be seen
She is learning that she is not drowning
There is no need for a life vest
There is no need for someone to come save her
She is learning that family can be a neighbor
She is learning that love is labor and a labor of love is worth earning
There is no boat for her here
There is only storms to take her further as she awaits to stumble on some beautiful island
To be at peace with the sea
To be able to stand on land
To succeed once she’s freed