I see the purpose now
Those who use insecurities
Those who are condescending
They only put fear into their coffee
A fear that someone will see the world's opportunity
Bitterness has never been fact nor reality
Their statements will never be anymore, always less stability
Turn their sentences into silence and keep smiling
Never let someone's weakness destroy your happy

Touch a rush
Floral green trim
A dress of deceit
Ferocious credibility
Strike, shock and distraught
Question her everything
A maddening cluttered up chest  
Red unprinted marking
She is a tempus tip toeing
Digesting hearts of many
Warned, they crawl
Enthralled, lurking for her gore
Her dress tore in natural beauty  
Cleaning syrup from her finger tips

I see the tears well up in the corner of your eyes
I see your soul wants to go
More dedicated but no place to climb

Tell me please
What is the difference between us and them?

Fear

It seems to be king over many

Perfect is a word created by media
A creation of insecurity to make you pay
Learn to disobey and break the **** away

Saying goodbye would break my pride
A heart steaming  
You left me selfless and bleeding
Butterflies still take flight
My mind cries

Keep me lost and kissing tonight

The rose bushes hide are thoughtless rights
The moon ignites
The crickets sing with the world never ending,
"You are mine"

All I ask is you keep me lost and kissing tonight

My tank top snug tight, made your heart Rush
The way you whispered my name made my knees wobbly
We were young but it meant something

Keep me lost and kissing tonight

We are free
You and me
Naked from the world's hating
Simple innocence surrendering

All I ask is you keep me lost and kissing tonight

Brave enough to say this is our everything
A reality created from our everlasting insanity
Your hands, hips and love always thrusting

Please just keep me lost and kissing tonight

Dark limitless halls
Chair wobbling,
sitting strategically
Not dead
Nor alive
In the middle comprised
Scattered thoughts
Hate, frustration, paranoia
Confining
Self -reliance
Life of defiance
"Why must I suffer,"
ready to die
Creation made for a different environment
A voice whispering,
"Look up there is a sky"
Baffled, she now remembers her grace
A new place
A world
Universe in the making
The black was only the beginning

The first eye opening
A bright room
People crying
Our first moment seems to be love

Love
Butterflies out of control nausea
Heart deep fluttering
You need to sit your *** down kind of feeling

Love
Do we stop?
Stop loving?
Stop living?
What happens when the mind mishapes, decays?
Standing hand in hand in the middle of love, do we leave or stay?
What is the true definition of love?
Can anyone really explain?

Trust me
Love me
Fight for me as night touches my life
I won't cry when you die
Not because I couldn't find the passion in yours eyes
Because twilight never sparkled when you cried
Be my savior, accept god never caressed me tenderly
Hold my hand, make my fingers tingly
Treat me like the first girlfriend you seen, turning so red and talking so bashfully
Be my soulmate until the end
Be more then a friend
Be the man I want to love
We blend chaotically  
We sit unstituated perfectly
Not looking to far from constantly
Also not looking so far from lonely
Nothing is never fixated ideally  
7 years of crazy interesting

A relationship in moments of breaking
Their joking words become truth
"At least the *** is always good"
Only small fibers hold to their fighting
Her hand a constant turning, now one with the door handle
Laying naked in the bed, no other words are heard
A constant misunderstanding
"At least the *** is always good"
He redesign her with out her knowing
Slowly tearing her voice away
She wants to believe in his changing
The door handle reminds her, he is not releasing
"At least the *** is always good"
He loves her dearly yet he finds her embarrassing  
His words are soothing, taking her anxiety away
He has the cue cards convincing her naive thinking
The joke is now engraved humbling
"At least the *** always good"

I am Kara Jean
A ******* stressful thing
My heart is sweet
My exterior is bitter coating
I like screaming publicly "tell me what to do!"
The universe yells back "*******!"
I try to dry my cheeks before my mascara burns my eyes
Dried,
like my soul from all my mistakes
Getting what you want is a ******* fight
Challenges seem to grasp me tight
So ****** I'm ready for this disfunctional ride
I've been training my whole life

I contemplate with a sigh, "if there is a hell I'm going there"
Do I regret my decision making, maybe
I may be a broken once upon a time christian
Ironically God set me free
So if irony hates me, the fiery depths is where I'll be

Downfall she claims
Dripping in disease
Her dress ripped
Trees dying
Holes cover the seams
Tattered
Sewage covered
Disgraced
Ugly
Taking her vitality
The mass living upon her soil
Population at a high
Charging her for corruption
Her hair cut
In shambles
Uneven proportioned
Greed is the man in lead
Unfairly held to shame
Her belly rumbles
Earthquakes
Crack her skin
Aching
Oozing her blood
Tsunamis wiping out existence
She violently
Throws tantrums
A twister destroying houses
Seeking attention
Under validated
Unnoticed for exotic jungle humanity
Innocence
Her music lifts
The mountain breeze
Sagebrush rustles
Birds whisper
Squirrels leaping
Her captivating body sings
Weak man made her break
Small art gone
Ice caps melting into the abyss
Taking scraps
Leftover bits
Her soul
Missing
Stipping her clothing
******* her gold
Her shirt selfishly torn
Naked she became
Her animals hungry
Oceans sickened
Our anguish
Is revenge
Knocked out
She's becoming manipulated belief
She's in debt to the population
Mother will reclaim
Her dynasty
We the people will be left
In emptiness

I Sit with a grin
You like to pretend
Everyone says shine what's in
To bad my personality didn't get the hint
"Give me something baby"
Well, I guess you were meant to **** me empty
Personality isn't happy
Please be a real thing, not a dumb in between somebody
You and that half *** aura said no
That yells don't
Actions scream, "I'm depleted and faking"
Kind of like a satisfying ****
There is a fake sense of norm, causing the lonely and a rubbed raw feeling
Wait you seem almighty
OK
I'll give you a piece of crazy
Have a nice night, "Mr. ******* right"
I don't play the clingy scene
I like my life left clean
Read me
Leave

Our beginning is totally cliche and overused
High school acquaintances, both moved to start a career  
A friend request you sent, by my bubbly nature I accepted  

Conversing you persuaded me into tossing out my digits
Completely engulfed, a strong friendship we made
Life struggles, we conquered in the first week of dating

Fast pace, we were cruising and agreed, "hey let's get married"
Two weeks it took to say I do
Life smacks us hard, we never miss our groove

Babies, babies, changing your direction
Glance into your heart, how profound it is to be parenting
You were not ready to be a daddy
Your ego grew and I always forgave you
Young, drunk and dumb was your history

Separated and unplanned, awaken you became
You still wanted control and I said here take chunks of my energy
Now frazzled and drained, I am on the brink of leaving
Blurred, I only see spotty portraits of that white cake
The sweet taste smudged against my face and the way you licked your lips

Time loves to cause a stampede with memories
Brush the hair from my eyes, I feel the hail falling as I cry
Is this what "and they lived happily ever after" means

Late night seems to be my favorite place
I promise to behave
I'm not going to lie, the meaning has clouded clarity
I can't help the words I speak, they come out before I think
I keep telling myself I was born interesting for a reason
You guessed it, Barney Manners never worked for me
To be honest, I'm only capable of being Kara Jean and she is ******* amazing

Head feeling crushed
Frustration is an acquaintance
The questions seem to accumulate
Like roaches living under debri
You'll never get rid of their presence
You'll also never have that epiphany
To be blunt I don't think he likes me
Stuck in the middle section
Smashed into my seat
There really is no relief, just stupidity
My breath is panicking
Someone please track down my sanity


I'm in need

Suicide,
Two types of feelings in production  
The ones who have lived it in some way
The ones who have never felt it's brutality  
I can not explain it's perplexety
I can say what it is not meant to be
Selfish should never be uttered out of man kind
How could anyone let something hold so much control
A question many hold
Have you took place of another humans body or possibly telepathically inclined
You replied no then ignorant is your judgement
I have no great epiphany in reasoning
Experience is my lead

List of eating disorders inhabited my processing
Mom constantly ******* at what was taking place
She hardly  looked at my fragile eyes
She walked out the door to calm herself
I needed help
Twisted was my concept
My mom would no longer worry
My family would be free from my iniquities
I only had to count to three
Swallow plenty
I was ready
Scratching my throat
Hitting  my stomache  

My mom emotional mess walked back in
Letting me know she would fight for me
I told her time was limited
I held the pills with loss dignity  
Emergency room waiting
Heart monitor
Cords stringing around the bedding
Doctor conversing on the phone
Assuming poison control
I felt "it"
The calmest  feeling ever crossed by man
The soft bright light hitting my bronzed hair
Black went the room
I lost it
Stab went the needle into me
First tranquilizer was be fitting  
Doctor harrasing  me for my stupidity
I could only picture the sounds of Charlie Browns parenting
Brain went crazy
Who the **** was I anyways
Maybe I should **** this troll
He really is bugging
Next round in play
The needle went in again
tranquilizer two was on it's way
Falling in a blank misery sleep

Insane asylum is where you end up with dawn hitting
Incoherent was still my state
Puking in every garbage I could see
Waking up to girls standing over my head
Wanting to hear my story
Was I truly loosing grasp on reality
Adam ******* was my counsler
Recreation fun barred in
Nightly tantrums ***** shot accompanied
My visit was almost done
Circle of trust
Family plan mapped and ready  

I made it home
My distorted brain had no change
Took me passing out a couple more times on the bathroom floor
Towel upon my face fan blasting loudly
Awake I finally came
Perseverance and loss of my sanity
Pushed me
Now I'm ******* resilient to the battles of hell

Most nights I sit outside
Just me and the crickets chirping and of course my wine
A husband gone most of the time, hardworking a love defined
I hear my words echoing as I anticipate writing them slowly  
I don't know how to break it down, this urge growing
The cars drive rumbling, as if my soul is colliding with a semi
I know what should be done but I'm not ready
How can you complain about the deliberate choices you made
We reminisce just to ******* our blinded heart guiding
I want to know where to go
My soul already has the knowledge, I just like fighting
The crickets are confiding as the breeze throws the roses aroma in front of me
Breathing deeply, a defense mechanism when the tears are sliding
A plastic 3 dollar crown will be the closes I come to being a queen, as I hear the muffled soothing music in the background
Now I lay against the pavement to sleep because my bed is just to lonely

I agree, writing my eating soul is not enough
Metaphors I spill, only my head interprets
I should give up, but my soul won't say yes
Instead, I yell obscenities and keep writing
I won't cry if you choose to tell me the truth
Go ahead and scream ******* Kara Jean

Anxiety kisses me
I have a need to retreat,
instead I give in
I blend into a world I don't believe in

He has nice eye brows
She sweats transgressions
Make believe is kind of my thing
**** me,
**** me over
I detach easily,
there is no gain
Would you like a large fry with my pain

I have a head filled with old angst
Angst that seems to gravitate
Walk by me,  I am today
I dissipate like rain,
noticeable but nothing to gain

Happiness is the chase  
We have no frames, no imprints
An unnoticeable fame

I have a crayon crown stained
No presents
I can't be tamed

I let my cascading walls of insignificant thoughts hit my toes
My hands spread open, I exhale knowing I can't feel my nose
I could shot gun another glass of wine, facilitating concentration on my inspiration
The motion of it traveling down my spine to my dirt embedded fingers bent
I use every muscle and ingenuity, literally sweating
In hopes to get applause for my corrupted mind
Pumped up for abandonment
The words never seem to be situated exactly right

Toughness is my warm gooey love
Isolation is the only defense I've developed
I keep reminding myself this is it
My passion never existed
An urge deep frying my mind
My fingers tingling
My heart throbs
My throat suffocating
The words telling me to discontinue have melted into sweet nothings
I'm a *** drive with no destination
A complicated disastrous women
My feet turned to charcoal long ago
I haven't blink in a lifetime
My burnt sunglasses situated against my broken nose
My high waisted skirt accentuates my fate
Perfect, is a pretty ******* explicit world to create
Please no holding the insane
Back away slowly
She's always hoping to bite
Taking chunks of your pride

I take a deep breath
I feel the deep heat hug my torso
He loves me like an ****** on the front patio
It's coming, that sense of hazy
He brushes the hair off my cheeks
Kissing me
My heart beats
I am power
He is lust
We push for trust
Settling with love
Our time is surrendering
So let's keep *******
Until night is bright and we're to tired to fight
The presence of our auras is frightening
I keep biting
We're ****** into dying but the rush is exciting

Our hearts crave one another
Our love is insane
I don't want our vain personalities communicating
I just want the pureness in us
Wishes are ******* and so is love
Keep close to me and we will hold hands in make belief
Goodbye to the negativity
New is scary but so is not breathing
Forgive me in this mess surrounding me
I once believed in happy endings

Knowledge, is not always wisdom.

Wisdom, is not always knowledge.

Strength, is not always shown through muscle mass.

Muscle mass, is not always shown through strength.

Love, is not always kindness.

Kindness, is not always love.

Changing our point of view, helps produce a clean perception.

Be humble enough to notice when our point of view is breaking.

Changing is not giving up, it's simply adjusting.

Perception is a sickness we conceive.
Letting people control our reactions.
Changing our level of satisfaction.
There is choices in every emotion we produce.
Being offended is a feeling we have comitted.
What you say or do has no effect on my rationality.
Unless, I let your insecurities influence how I carry my body.
Addressing our contaminations helps open our eyes.
No longer being victimized by the lies others drown us in.
We can make the decision to keep opposition or let it roll down like rain.
Having positivity in all is an unlikely belief.
However doesn't mean it can not be studied.
Self control, dedication and confidence is the mixture you need.
Do not wallow in self inflicted misery.
All it takes is you to make a change.
There is no other reasoning it really is simplicity.

I remember my first time writing on here
I was nervous, scared and a tad naive
This is my stomping ground
My battling
My push to give my everything
The constant vibrant words being heard
Now a poet grave yard, deserted
I miss my poetry home
The loud boisterous words constantly being thrown
I came back
It's my dysfunctional love, all I can say to that
I feel Sentimental, never wanting to leave
There should be no reminiscing about poetfreak
Although, we stand here grieving

Eternal doom is beauty enticing
The fairytale in a nightmare
There is no heaven or hell
There is a god and the devil
Neither one is in midst of prevailing
A fight tamed for human beings
Love is a defined checklist
Happiness is an experience
Trust ends the moment you say yes
Death is a panic emotion cold
Butterflies destroyed
Turned into soil
Growing the apple tree you eat
Turn down the noise
It's only morbid souls weeping

A curtain held by one nail
Faded blush pink, tilted
Ratted hair into knotted beauty
Eyeliner set as feathers
***** crusted stage, crackling with every step
Audience of the haunted, ghostly clapping
Amused by the audacity
She twirls
Egotistical, making her toes blister
She closes her eyes, her thighs tingling
Meat hanging on a bone barely
Hells lounge
What a crowd
The devil sharpens his hair
Perfect horns of despair
He smokes his cigar
"Keep going my queen
Famous was the only request
You never said where"
Satan's personal entertainer
He kisses her forehead,
carressing her mangled body
He loves her the best a man can,
when being the king of hell
A ferocious request, "bow everybody"

You stabbed me
Dug it in deep
I licked the knife as I bleed
You held my head up right only to see
A broken me
You, a destroyed personality
We are complete
Complete
Complete insanity
Insanity
Is everything
You feed off my sexuality
Yet the nightmares seem to be hiding

Hiding

From

Me

Rush of success
brutal trusting
Sensibility, briefly
Using it in a perplex and deceiving claim
Chaos, is her calmness
Designed, to harness energy
Absorbing, more than her worth
Power is implemented
A mighty resistance
Others would **** for royalty
She walks naked,
without an ounce of shame

A fluffy party dress
Pastels spiraling
Slivers of toes nails remain
Darken pain
His head hollowed
Her hands shake with remnants of his brain
It would be simple to blame evil
He was indebted and she was no longer patient
He could not value a jewel
A polished fool
She invited the ones craving
Like scavengers taking
Her skin sizzles in the ice cold sea
Her hair tender and breaking
She is dead with a spiritual drive
She warned the hosted heaven she wouldn't arrive

Stop fighting your story
Life is meant to be
Complex is our punishment for not listening

Stuck
Twirling head
Black sludge
Draining puddle
Seeping from her ear drums
Mouth open, drool hits her hand
She stares
No one is answering
A bump sits between the brows
Brain combustion
An empty vessel

We yell self righteous notes
When we peek within everyone is dying of sin
Broken is the helping hand
Let's pretend to be complete

Propped up I see the the lush green thirsty grass
Confusing and pretty
I feel its needs
To want to be nourished
Always to be trotted on
No reasoning for our disrespect
Yet never disrupted  
Disaster we love

Sitting in my bathroom sink contemplating late 20's
I hear my heart filled with responsbility
Giggles as barbies splash by
The smiles make me reach for the sky
Then the realness hits
The dream was never thick
I awake standing in black shoveling fries, asking if I can add anything else to that
The passer bys say, "atleast you have your beauty"
Beauty doesn't pay the bills unless you put it up for bid
I could say **** this and quietly move aside
Instead I'll swallow my pride
Tell myself a lie,
"One day I will hold my head high"
For now I smell the salt as I continue to shovel fries

Over it
Stuck,
you don't give a ****
I clean,
I sweep
You don't see
You throw things at me
I must have a target that says give me,
I want things
Don't mind my feelings
Empty is my theme
Broken is my show
I always wanted an encore
I hope broad shoulders is all that and more
******* I'm going *******
Hope you find happiness in a *****
And yes I'm tired of endless *******
So please!
Leave me alone so I can sleep

Patio umbrella waving like a fan
Beer numbing my face, nightly planned
I hear broken music from an ice cream truck
I hear the thunder as it struck
Almost like a demented fairytale plucked from my imagination
God's ****** up creation
A gorgeous mess with a yellow and pink sunset dress
Slowly, we watch night
The look lies as the heat hugs tight
The smell of peppermint suffocating memories
You take another sip and try to remind yourself to live
To bad your kindergarten ambitiousness ended in a bottle with lipstick stuck to the rim