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Kara Jean May 2016
The universe is against me
What do I do
Drink a glass of wine and let my tears shine

I'm one of kind


So they tell me


A ****

I sit at home disguised

I need a box of Kleenex why I cry

Tonight, I dive into my deprived mind

I hope to find something worth my time
Kara Jean May 2016
Hold my hand
I still like the feel of cliche
Even though I know the secrecy of being married
Flawed, we still love the chaos
The tears of pregnancy, holding a combination of both me and you
The long nights wiping my tears in your drunken stumbles
I still loved you
I stopped seeing the cute in your impossible eyes
Persuasive, I slowly became the alcoholic
I switched the looking glass
Where do we go from here
No fancy words or metaphors
Is it time to sign the papers
You tell me
Keep it sincere
Kara Jean Jun 2016
Genetically built ******, so they say
Christian dysfunctional stability,
wasn't helping
A mom praying every night for a force reckoning
Shoving me into the light,
I've already seen
A mothers nightmare,
already in the making
I convinced myself:
Compulsive
Impulsive and
Explosive
Creates constructive thinking
I guess what I'm saying is,
"**** it, I'm unique"
Kara Jean Mar 2018
Daily digression helps my digestion
I travel farther down this crazed obscurity I'm a madman dressed in pink
I preferred structure,
sadly it didn't like me
I color outside the lines oh so eloquently
My invitation is divine
Stipulations, no touching
I apologize
I'm not sharing my wine,
only my insecurities
Kara Jean Dec 2018
I could finally conform
Let it set in
The medicine taking hold
Having that big grin
Fake and thin, that's the win

******
"just mold"
"Fit in"

Lifeless no statement of boldness
Only coldness

Finally one win
Kara Jean May 2016
The barbaric queen, her abilities stiffened
His presence strickened by her directed speech
Could it be her brick fence weakend
Love had made it's way into the leaks
Thoughts become lies, diminishing her kingdom
****** passion, a caused lusting
Touching her breast
Carressing her hips
Legs shake, she is a disgrace
The guards ushering him from her towering mattress
Empathy made her a mockery
A hatchet to the soul, he is nonexistent and undesirable
Her long webbed veil, disguises her weeping
Her eyes blackened, she is a demon bleeding
Halo misplaced, in dismay
She is a woman rigid and prevailing
Kara Jean Jun 2016
A hail storm of tears roll down your chest
I feel you are near
Your warmness wasn't sincere
Harness your empathy and color clear
Pierce the molded statue held together by strong glue and fear
You seem to be ignoring the address
Instead you only here muddled up curses of vulnerability
Hurt feelings you developed as a system to keep you safe
Creating a type of gunk around your face
It's thick film is nothing but a temper angry
I am sorry no one assisted you in modifing your animosity
You will forever be stuck immature and hating
You could always let go of resentment and regret

but then

You would have to forgive
Kara Jean Jul 2016
My thoughts shaking
I'm trying to find my composure
Swallow my tears along with the worlds fears

I see a face a 15 year old girl
Arms placed upon her lap laced
Brave and afraid of the unknown
Illiterate she held her own
Freedom was her new home

So many have fought and died, even today for its name

Still I have no clarity of freedom's meaning

Free to love?

Free to worship as we please?

Free from evil and hate?

Or is it equality?

To me it seems we are in desperate need of a refresher
To be reminded what it should be

To have FREEDOM
#PCJuly2016Freedom
Kara Jean May 2016
I garden naked
When one does not comprehend the places you've been,
Ignorant they name your path
Twisted facade, let's fornicate the law
Switch our curfew
Night is dark
Deep cryptic essence
Let no man take the massive ego, hiding in your stilettos
The ridge of the heel crushing the victimized windpipe
Polish and clean
Sparkling
Almost brand new
Steady, walk in progress
Kara Jean May 2018
Victim of circumstances
The past, she glances
A mirror of nightmares she can't take
The edges are unstable
Standing on a table, mangled
A bladed cycle never claimed
Her feral heart breaks
Her soul lays in a ash tray
God has no shame
She reconciles
A chance for denial
Her fire is fame
Wiping her vane tears,
announcing her fears with a smile
Kara Jean Jun 2016
The phone ringed, I gazed at the screen.
I had never seen the number before.
Baffled, I handed it over to my handsome husband.
"Answer it," shoving it towards his head.
He hurried and said "hello, who is calling."
He looked at me blank and weirdly saying "I will grab her. Wait briefly."
His eyes blazed into me, "it's your grandma."
Shaken, I said, "Hello."
She did a joyful, "hello Kara Jean."
Determined to figure out what was happening.
I proudly said, " you must have the wrong number both my grandmas are dead."
She replied "I'm so sorry what a coincidence.
My granddaughter is also Kara Jean.
I swear we've been here once before."
Giggling I commented, "that's remarkably crazy. I'm not remembering."
Silence hit the air.
The old cracked voice women said, "or maybe it's just your grandma calling from heaven to tell you she loves you."  
My throat being choked nothing would really be announced.
Finally my voice complied, " What did you just say I'm not comprehending."  
An earth shattering laugh went over the phone, "You sound pretty amazing.
I know if you were my grand baby,
I would be proud to be graced by you."
Words failed me being a first.
Before I could get it together enough to say what the hell is happening.
She exclaimed hastily,
"I must be on my way, "know your grandmas undeniably love you."
Click went the phone gone with no trace.
Uncontrollable tears gushing out of my face.
Reacting as if everything was falling away from my body.
Was I hallucinating.
Could someone been playing a cruel joke?
Who would have the audacity.
Considering, could it have truly been a toll free call from heaven.
Kara Jean May 2021
I'm aware of distance I enforced on my heart
My throat chose to hold in the pain
I am not the same
I smile, my eyes show the fear
My body screams, "get up!"
The rest of me doesn't hear
Your last words were,  "be brave"
Instead I sit here and cry in my cave
The things I want to accomplish just remind me you're not here
"Dad if your listening I'm not ok, atleast not today"
Kara Jean May 2016
Kissing me
Vicious was my scheme
I made a story of tainted glory
Anticipating his biding sincerity
Craving the touch of my hips
Misplacing perseverance
Delaying conscience
Losing rationality
Watching his admiration
Over compensating captivation
Realizing his conspiracy
Kara Jean Sep 2017
I've held it up
Born to be tough
I suppose not enough love
I was trained to never give my energy
Now I stand unbold
My story was written
Do I give in
Instead I drink all night
Smash the cake
Take what is mine
Cry once a day and walk away
I'm hard to find
So keep me in mind
Kara Jean Jan 2020
Chaos
Unaware blank stares
A smile while crying
A whirlwind of great
The broken taste
Her mascara holds in the shame
Her tempterment seems tamed
One more claim as she feeds the beast
She puts on her pink and mom Jean's
"Good morning, here's breakfast and tea"
Love of the mundane
The wild nature is plain
Kara Jean Dec 2016
What the **** am I doing with my life
There is no gain
Would you like a large fry with that pain
Thanks, come again
She seems miserable and glowing
Contoured on smile
Forcing her to be happy
Counter tops seem befitting tonight
God, I lost my light
Life seems to strip you naked
Bare and thin, it's always in
Lust will **** you dry
Leaving you asking why
She sweats smudged transgressions
He pushes deeper in
His ****** tension draws her sin
She never was meant to win
Her
Kara Jean Jun 2016
Her
She's the women
You imagined
Stepford wife
She sit's with Hands clasped tightly
Courtney Loves drunken sister
Resonates within
Her wilted box keeps disintegrating
Her barricades
Useless
Soaking filth from the ground
She would cry
Tears dry
Salt is only producing
She's a mist uncontrolled
Wild growing daisy
Sitting in a ticky tack
Garden
She sees freedom
Fake
Placed in the deserts hot sun
Thirsty
Last drink
Now haunts
Suited up in her dress
She carries on
Fragmented
Dissapointing denial
Kara Jean Aug 2016
Disaster is ugly and disgusting
Causing misery and chaos screaming
Out of dull, green rises singing
Beauty from destruction
I become one with the broken tons
We have animosity sprouting
The generation of new beginnings
We are the solution
Problem solving through chaos impact
We are problematic fact
We are the next impact
A world accepting of human beings
We can be something
Kara Jean Jan 2018
What an eyesore
Most of her teenage life called a *****
Never ignored
Now in the middle of becoming
Life is plump, kind and loving
She holds on deep
Let go of the redneck endings  
20 something
She is depending  
Now she is ready
******* she is heavenly
Or maybe hell we'll heal the insane
Kara Jean May 2016
Tantalizing  this animosity
morale is out the door
Lying on the floor
Her boldness shows coldness
Her pain screams in vein
Loosing feeling
grieving is deceiving
as the burn coats her throat
Fake godliness is her IV
Breathing in her mental insanity
I have no faith in my humanity
I'm gone
You will search by dawn
Who is to finds the last trace of her embrace
Satan only grabbing her sin
Pulling her in
Kara Jean May 2016
The devil sat upon his toasted grieving red throne
Gulping his tongue, the devil never stressed  
She seduced his powerful taste
He knew she was a lost soul, out of control  
She was a walking mess, who was taking her toll
He had no business taking a hit to his statured entitlement  
He promised to distinguish her from the rest, implicating a battle every dawning blue sky
His threats do not scare her passion to fight
She's a rampage with braided hair and an innocent glare
Zip up your sweater vest, here comes Hells pest
Kara Jean Jan 2020
The anguish has no reply
Deceit is lovely in a one story line
Her misery is the climb
Her doubt is the rhyme
Kara Jean May 2016
She was electric in hot pink heels
That's why he ******* hated her
Her tight black pencil skirt helped her to prevail  
His ego a morsel in comparison to her priorities
Once a love now devoured
A misery deserved
He was a mistake in the making
Confidence she held to a high society
He was a risk never worth taking
Love is a disgust, as he held her hand in front of a judge
He took a life time opportunity for granted
Her strong will had excelled planning
His ugly button up shirt and shiney shoes is all he has left
Dismantled, his pride is nonexistent  
She a constant certanty
Walking with narccism pink arched bow ties, she has no reason to cry
Kara Jean Jan 2018
The embellishement eradicated
The self served fate
Sneaking in with dinner plates,
never to give thanks
The word earn,
has now been burned
We only own
We need not to share
A world with no care
We need no proof
There is no truth,
when corruption is our plead
Don't mind the fumes
We are still living the dream
So come in, take a seat
Kara Jean May 2016
Lonely is the only emotion I feel, sitting on the counter
Plopped down, flicking guilt
Remanence on paper, I use to heal
I chose to be ill
I'm the unattached ****** desire
Conversation not required
Tormented love, consumed and killed
Around this pole, twisted and unthrilled
Patiently waiting on something
My ******* body feels nothing
Still insanity quenches the thrusting
When will we finally become ***** and musty
I can no longer conceal our secret, smiling
Annoyed with me, I'm done hiding
Tonight I'm not grieving
Deceived, here is your rope of control
I need to find the cover for my gaping hole
Kara Jean Jun 2016
I have a broken mind
I will always be chaotic beauty
It is my identity
My frame was not a match to the worlds normality
Freely, we sing off tune and out of beat
The world situated under our feet
The first break always cuts deep
The second leaves and untamed mess
I don't want to be blessed
I just want to live different courageously
Where sweetness is the thing
Love and honesty sweeps
I have a broken mind
Please don't wake me from my fantasy
Kara Jean Feb 2018
I take another sip of my, “10% I am fine”

I feel my heart in side my head

My life is in reverse there is no death, just loneliness and complications

I seem to pretend

I envy the blessed, yet I have many things while I digress

Don’t trust my flight because I never was told to be polite

My goals were not born , they seemed to morph into a unfiltered ready to pillage this

I am woman

No need for a seat belt

I am hell and I feel there is nothing left
Kara Jean May 2018
I died
You shoved my head down and I won't fight
You needed my heighth
I needed your plenty,
we sit still empty
A world of more, although we feel poor
We hit that Whammy
Thank God the devil is cunning
No possession just an impression
I'm a point away from saying, "ok you can have it your way"
Tonight I breathe tight and sleep with one eye
Cheers to my fright
I am always prepared for that last bite
Kara Jean Aug 2016
I feel night whispering  
My hot bath looses it's heat slowly
My tea waits patiently
I can't sleep
There is nothing more I need, only rest
My spirit won't let me
I hear it's whining
A toddler in full tantrum yelling, "I'm hungry, feed me"
There is no food to satisfy the hunger
It still wants everything  
Taming the feast
A tug of war with my spirit and rationality  
Circumstances are an excuse
I'm to tired to argue
Please god, let me sleep
I will try to have courage in the morning
Tonight let me be
Kara Jean Jan 2018
You caress my limbs
Sweeping by
You can never say hi
I know you are mine
The warmth of your hospitality sets me at ease
We seem to understand the unseen
There is more to the push in the trees
You are a destroyer, devastating
You still have beauty as I watch your beat
My soul hears your control
Yet, you are nothing more than the breeze
Kara Jean Feb 2018
I lay in this bed somewhere between young and decrepit  
My tears embedded into my hair, dried out and dead
There is no reality  just expectations  
I seem to have never trusted  
Friendless
I am not selfish
I am not selfless
In a godless world I pray
I pray because things just aren't going my way
Kara Jean May 2016
I have an urge to write words that make the soul cry
Weep tears of enlightenment
To summarize my life in a paragraph
No more body criticism, snipping my spaghetti straps
Running in a stumbled line away from confinement
Forgetting the word comprise
Reality takes a stand reminding me, who will be the mediocre house wife
Instead of making a dramatic exit, I drink whiskey and the world has plenty
Kara Jean Feb 2018
I take the cake
You want to destroy my brain
Ok
Here I lay, take it
I have nothing but insanity and care
I am going nowhere
He whispers, "I am all"
He really has no reason to call
Only assumptions  
I am the giving
I am plenty
Idiot with no understanding,
keep handing me empties  
You're so polite,
"Thank you for dying"
"I really never was right"
She smiles and says, "goodnight"
A human being with no meaning
Kara Jean Jun 2016
There was a time when you praised me.
Always looking up to me, now that has passed.
The way you look at me today is nothing but disappointment.
Shaking your head while faking a smile.
Secretly saying the words what the hell happen to her.
I see the snarkness in your eyes breaking me.
I feel the words stinging as you mock and make fun of my goals,
my life,
who I am.
It use to shake me as I pummeled to the ground.
Time has shaped me.
You no longer burn me instead you ignite my fire.
Torching every obstacle in my way.
Leaving you to clean up my ashes in my passing.
Kara Jean May 2016
Criticism is validating
Your love is a choke hold
A marriage committed to my compromise
Generic mending
Each strand of bronzed chunk, represented a vow you gave me
The scissors cold and bare, cutting it away from my body
Swept into the nearest waste facility  
I was invested until the end
Dying with you was never scary
I now degrade, picking scraps off picture frame edgings
Look at us so happy
Lusted objectifying could qualify as the new I do
Well, we didn't make it to 80 not even 32
Congratulations to your selfish needs buddy
I hope you finally find you
Here take this ring, it doesn't fit me
Kara Jean May 2016
Cocky, yes my dear.
It's worth it in the end.
As the black widow would say right before eating her prey.
I can't do the human thing,
bull ******* about stupid things that make us supposedly happy,
What does that even mean?
I hate subtle hints and whispering.
When people hit on me I find it annoying,
it's the biggest turnoff.
say you want to **** me already and get it over with.
I'm a little bit selfish and possibly scary crazy.
That's ok I love me.
Kara Jean May 2016
Party like a rock star
Pretend to be elegant and wear sundresses
Remember to smile and wave at the desperate housewives, I choose to offend
I'm inconsiderate
My charismatic side makes up for everything
So ******* a kiss and flirtatious wink
I will ignore the fact you have a plastic grin
I hate to say it, love you're not my friend
Hey, don't worry I will do this again
Contaminated, I hope to infect the ticky-tack world
Please don't vanquish my plot of sin
Don't forget to bring a bikini (optional) and gallon of whiskey
Revised
Kara Jean Jul 2016
I am a woman
Dyed blond
Peer pressure I guess
Nice *****
I don't conform
Not because I'm informed
I'm padded room crazy
A wild Daisy
My hair represent the free spirit
Then I cut it off in rebellion
I will light you on fire
You never were a desire
Leave me, I wont be crying
You always be wondering
I'm that insane chick that keeps you staring
Just having a little fun
Kara Jean Aug 2016
I seem to regret many things
Writing unimportant feelings isn't one of them
So for now this is my break
Wish me luck and the power to behave
If there is confusion I'm taking a break. Haha not getting a big break.
Kara Jean May 2016
I thought **** this is it, I'm done
I'm honest to god going crazy
Then after a bottle of wine and a personal pep talk,
I realized I'm just a stay at home mom
Waiting on life
In otherwords, I'm failing
Failure is now the new accomplished feeling
So yes
I'm a mess
Mayhem at its best
That's ok because I'm proccessing  
One day I'll hit those goals
Today I'll just do lots of cardio, canceling out my midnight drinking
Shh!
The kids are sleeping
This is meant to be sarcastic and humorous
Please no numbers to therapists
Kara Jean Oct 2016
I'm learning
Learning to be human
To color in the lines
To not be my emotional centered self
To be like the rest
No multy colored leggings
No braids in the middle of my head
No me
No you
Plain blue jeans

To bad...

I'm failing.....

No one seems to be able to change my crazy

I sit still in anticipation of another try

Still....

I sit with a satisfied mind of who I am meant to be

Instability

It helps me sleep at night

I am a mess

It will be my accomplishment if today ends
Kara Jean May 2016
A calamity of views abused
When the alcohol is strong
The choices go wrong
Everyones offend through Misinterpreted temptation
Using my over analyzing brain to calm the degraded
Crying over a mundane sane
Looking for persuasion
Through persecution
Picking out your weaknesses
Bleakness, is a majestic trait
Not intentionally
Burdening their agony
My name is animosity
I depict a character that sympathizes
Your alibies
Using my vulnerability
Contaminated humility
Finding
The hiding
No problem suggesting
My dark secrets of the night
Applying my skits that fit right
Paranoid to be viewed in a mortifying light
I would be lying denying my animalistic ride
I have scrutinized
Remorsing
I see earth born
Godly you stand
In the morning
Behold deformities
You fit the norm
I bow to your Godly proportion
In vein this I pray
Amen
Kara Jean Jun 2016
You love me
I love you
Don't snuggle me or romantically make love to me
Shove my face into the bed
Pillows smothering my head
Grip my hips firmly
Make me scream
My toes tightening
My legs aching
Shaking
Releasing
Continuously
Unceasingly

Love is fun

Tonight

I'd prefer you to **** me
Kara Jean Jan 2018
They tell me I am powerless

Listen to the blue bird

There is no need we are conserved

My voice is undisturbed

We can read

We aren’t this helpless *******

We are mighty and this it

The  proclamation to world of devastation

We’re invested

Our mind deserves a revelation

Awake to the curse

To be heard

We are  not young and dumb

We are the next generation

It is our time to be heard

Watch out we are about to be unearthed
Kara Jean Mar 2017
Walking backwords
A world familiar
Now old
Wise and not so simular
The harshness is now kisses
The misunderstood was meant to be good
I'm traveling the same road in a different wardrobe
Kara Jean May 2019
I am fixated, fascinated with my death
The chilled breath as I enter hell
The twigs snapping under my bare feet as I sweep past the trees
The innocence drained as I hang

The pass hasn't always been that bad
My future ran cold
Death is my best friend
We have late night dinner dates, reminiscing on my mistakes

I know how to die
Living is untried
I may have to see where I end up tonight
Kara Jean Aug 2016
Average seems kind of demeaning in the new make belief history
Born to be different in a normal structure
I pray to God people encourage the different hospitality
Seeing people like me
The rebellious living
The compassion rolled perfectly upon their sleeves
Forgive our wanting
We have potential
The insecure eat it all
Leaving us lifeless
Battered and wondering
We can be more than a drunken dream
A disaster of strategic possibilities
Kara Jean Oct 2016
I seem to make a mess even when trying to be my best

I wear that sweater covered in feelings

The thing we're programmed to receive

Respect is never given to the hurt


pretty disgusting


Never, a word death is kissing

Karma will eat your soul

I guess that's the goal,


when you have nothing

I wish to walk away from the plenty

Only to be something


For a nobody

who loves me
Kara Jean Jun 2016
She is obscene, ******* inbetween
I shouldn't haven't to explain what that means  
Only a handleful don't find her scary and overwelming
Ok so I'm letting the angry apple flavoring do all the writing
Who is really listening, honestly  
This psychotic chick will always be the one and only
Sorry if you were expecting me to sing
I suppose this was not enough
Oh well I'll keep sipping while you're guesstimating the measures you should be taking
Here's a secret, I mentally teeter totter unstably
So does the rest of poetfreak
Let's start a toast and forward the drinking
Kara Jean Apr 2021
She tilts her head in the mirror
Her eye spark is near
Hell let's her know they own that glowing soul
She holds her chin up, "to bad I'm unattainable"
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