Passion in every position of life
A movement never deprived
Pick your existence carefully
Unique is misunderstanding the rules
Reconsider the energy you produce
Let the you of every aspect come through

Lonely is the only emotion I feel, sitting on the counter
Plopped down, flicking guilt
Remanence on paper, I use to heal
I chose to be ill
I'm the unattached ****** desire
Conversation not required
Tormented love, consumed and killed
Around this pole, twisted and unthrilled
Patiently waiting on something
My ******* body feels nothing
Still insanity quenches the thrusting
When will we finally become ***** and musty
I can no longer conceal our secret, smiling
Annoyed with me, I'm done hiding
Tonight I'm not grieving
Deceived, here is your rope of control
I need to find the cover for my gaping hole

The convenience of crying,
It caters to the wondering
Presumptuously, others convince us of dying
Nothing is relentless nor meaningless
I find myself following the trendiness,
In a puzzling quest for happiness
I pass the time reading articles predicting my life
A destination we described
Predictable knowing is demeaning
I lost my appetite
What is the price

I thought **** this is it, I'm done
I'm honest to god going crazy
Then after a bottle of wine and a personal pep talk,
I realized I'm just a stay at home mom
Waiting on life
In otherwords, I'm failing
Failure is now the new accomplished feeling
So yes
I'm a mess
Mayhem at its best
That's ok because I'm proccessing  
One day I'll hit those goals
Today I'll just do lots of cardio, canceling out my midnight drinking
Shh!
The kids are sleeping

She's the women
You imagined
Stepford wife
She sit's with Hands clasped tightly
Courtney Loves drunken sister
Resonates within
Her wilted box keeps disintegrating
Her barricades
Useless
Soaking filth from the ground
She would cry
Tears dry
Salt is only producing
She's a mist uncontrolled
Wild growing daisy
Sitting in a ticky tack
Garden
She sees freedom
Fake
Placed in the deserts hot sun
Thirsty
Last drink
Now haunts
Suited up in her dress
She carries on
Fragmented
Dissapointing denial

Clarity
My knees shattered from beneath me
The ones standing next to me seem to not notice or care to hear
With no ground under me I continue to run
Legs pound with no air to balance my breathing
Suffocating is the option presented
I might take it, if my knees won't ground me
God just let me go free
No guilt
No noise
Nothing holding me
Only life letting me taste its spirituality

I am humbled by where I need to go
So I can go where I need to be
I hear someone following me
May it be god or a spiritual being
I am incapable of looking back
So I hope the universe cuts me off and takes the
lead
If not it's just me and the baggage full of could of bes
Holding me down as I drag it across the ground
At least my wine makes me drown
Only to make my eyes wide
To see it always was the devil next to me

Our beginning is totally cliche and overused
High school acquaintances, both moved to start a career  
A friend request you sent, by my bubbly nature I accepted  

Conversing you persuaded me into tossing out my digits
Completely engulfed, a strong friendship we made
Life struggles, we conquered in the first week of dating

Fast pace, we were cruising and agreed, "hey let's get married"
Two weeks it took to say I do
Life smacks us hard, we never miss our groove

Babies, babies, changing your direction
Glance into your heart, how profound it is to be parenting
You were not ready to be a daddy
Your ego grew and I always forgave you
Young, drunk and dumb was your history

Separated and unplanned, awaken you became
You still wanted control and I said here take chunks of my energy
Now frazzled and drained, I am on the brink of leaving
Blurred, I only see spotty portraits of that white cake
The sweet taste smudged against my face and the way you licked your lips

Time loves to cause a stampede with memories
Brush the hair from my eyes, I feel the hail falling as I cry
Is this what "and they lived happily ever after" means

They tell me I am powerless

Listen to the blue bird

There is no need we are conserved

My voice is undisturbed

We can read

We aren’t this helpless *******

We are mighty and this it

The  proclamation to world of devastation

We’re invested

Our mind deserves a revelation

Awake to the curse

To be heard

We are  not young and dumb

We are the next generation

It is our time to be heard

Watch out we are about to be unearthed

A relationship in moments of breaking
Their joking words become truth
"At least the *** is always good"
Only small fibers hold to their fighting
Her hand a constant turning, now one with the door handle
Laying naked in the bed, no other words are heard
A constant misunderstanding
"At least the *** is always good"
He redesign her with out her knowing
Slowly tearing her voice away
She wants to believe in his changing
The door handle reminds her, he is not releasing
"At least the *** is always good"
He loves her dearly yet he finds her embarrassing  
His words are soothing, taking her anxiety away
He has the cue cards convincing her naive thinking
The joke is now engraved humbling
"At least the *** always good"

Paranoia has become a normal emotion
Sweaty wrists
Is he coming for me
There is only a room full of lust
Hardened hearts, created trust
Still the world yells don't give up
Open your arms feel the aura of selfish love
Communicate with the gods to support a narrow thinking
The thick grotesque feeling
No worries
It forms mortality
You will be one with the kings
Morals never meant anything
Give into the need
The touch as the thorn crown presses harshly
No blood just crimson red sins bleeding

I lay in this bed somewhere between young and decrepit  
My tears embedded into my hair, dried out and dead
There is no reality  just expectations  
I seem to have never trusted  
Friendless
I am not selfish
I am not selfless
In a godless world I pray
I pray because things just aren't going my way

I have a broken mind
I will always be chaotic beauty
It is my identity
My frame was not a match to the worlds normality
Freely, we sing off tune and out of beat
The world situated under our feet
The first break always cuts deep
The second leaves and untamed mess
I don't want to be blessed
I just want to live different courageously
Where sweetness is the thing
Love and honesty sweeps
I have a broken mind
Please don't wake me from my fantasy

I take the cake
You want to destroy my brain
Ok
Here I lay, take it
I have nothing but insanity and care
I am going nowhere
He whispers, "I am all"
He really has no reason to call
Only assumptions  
I am the giving
I am plenty
Idiot with no understanding,
keep handing me empties  
You're so polite,
"Thank you for dying"
"I really never was right"
She smiles and says, "goodnight"
A human being with no meaning

We came so far
Playing the sounds of records we never seen
Singing Tom Petty in between
Summer never seemed so sweet
We sat out until three
Staring up at the stars, the sky placed so simply
You are my one and only
We're a good crazy
Finger tips in my hair
I feel a tear as you kiss me
Could it be possible, we found love young
The way you touch my soul is impossible
I'm not obsessed but you make me helpless
I remember the day we said ok, this is forever
Babe, please hold me all day
Make me brave
Make time stand still
You make me weak with every intimate moment
Our love is complete and it scares me

I am Kara Jean
A ******* stressful thing
My heart is sweet
My exterior is bitter coating
I like screaming publicly "tell me what to do!"
The universe yells back "*******!"
I try to dry my cheeks before my mascara burns my eyes
Dried,
like my soul from all my mistakes
Getting what you want is a ******* fight
Challenges seem to grasp me tight
So ****** I'm ready for this disfunctional ride
I've been training my whole life

Most nights I sit outside
Just me and the crickets chirping and of course my wine
A husband gone most of the time, hardworking a love defined
I hear my words echoing as I anticipate writing them slowly  
I don't know how to break it down, this urge growing
The cars drive rumbling, as if my soul is colliding with a semi
I know what should be done but I'm not ready
How can you complain about the deliberate choices you made
We reminisce just to ******* our blinded heart guiding
I want to know where to go
My soul already has the knowledge, I just like fighting
The crickets are confiding as the breeze throws the roses aroma in front of me
Breathing deeply, a defense mechanism when the tears are sliding
A plastic 3 dollar crown will be the closes I come to being a queen, as I hear the muffled soothing music in the background
Now I lay against the pavement to sleep because my bed is just to lonely

Knowledge, is not always wisdom.

Wisdom, is not always knowledge.

Strength, is not always shown through muscle mass.

Muscle mass, is not always shown through strength.

Love, is not always kindness.

Kindness, is not always love.

Changing our point of view, helps produce a clean perception.

Be humble enough to notice when our point of view is breaking.

Changing is not giving up, it's simply adjusting.

Walking backwords
A world familiar
Now old
Wise and not so simular
The harshness is now kisses
The misunderstood was meant to be good
I'm traveling the same road in a different wardrobe

Sitting in my bathroom sink contemplating late 20's
I hear my heart filled with responsbility
Giggles as barbies splash by
The smiles make me reach for the sky
Then the realness hits
The dream was never thick
I awake standing in black shoveling fries, asking if I can add anything else to that
The passer bys say, "atleast you have your beauty"
Beauty doesn't pay the bills unless you put it up for bid
I could say **** this and quietly move aside
Instead I'll swallow my pride
Tell myself a lie,
"One day I will hold my head high"
For now I smell the salt as I continue to shovel fries

I ate it



You demonstrated the hate

The hate that infested your veins

Creating them

The monster with in

Something that scares the host

Intrigues most

The cruel world

We all
Call



HOME

Invaded by the norm

I don't know where I'm going

I don't even know if I'll still have a house to grow old

Life is a stumbling drunk who's trying to walk forward and make it home

I do know that life gives you opportunities out of moments we perceive as ugly

To see what it takes to always pull out beauty

To grasp what it is to live

To learn your bad qualities and build

Build a foundation out of hurt and pain

Grow it into strength

Until

You are concrete

You still have the option of crumbling

Good thing you can reseal and rebuild

Until you no longer disintegrate

and....

NOTHING

will break the entity you became

Tantalizing  this animosity
morale is out the door
Lying on the floor
Her boldness shows coldness
Her pain screams in vein
Loosing feeling
grieving is deceiving
as the burn coats her throat
Fake godliness is her IV
Breathing in her mental insanity
I have no faith in my humanity
I'm gone
You will search by dawn
Who is to finds the last trace of her embrace
Satan only grabbing her sin
Pulling her in

Cocky, yes my dear.
It's worth it in the end.
As the black widow would say right before eating her prey.
I can't do the human thing,
bull ******* about stupid things that make us supposedly happy,
What does that even mean?
I hate subtle hints and whispering.
When people hit on me I find it annoying,
it's the biggest turnoff.
say you want to **** me already and get it over with.
I'm a little bit selfish and possibly scary crazy.
That's ok I love me.

The embellishement eradicated
The self served fate
Sneaking in with dinner plates,
never to give thanks
The word earn,
has now been burned
We only own
We need not to share
A world with no care
We need no proof
There is no truth,
when corruption is our plead
Don't mind the fumes
We are still living the dream
So come in, take a seat

The first eye opening
A bright room
People crying
Our first moment seems to be love

Love
Butterflies out of control nausea
Heart deep fluttering
You need to sit your *** down kind of feeling

Love
Do we stop?
Stop loving?
Stop living?
What happens when the mind mishapes, decays?
Standing hand in hand in the middle of love, do we leave or stay?
What is the true definition of love?
Can anyone really explain?

You seem to be eating my insides

I watch

I am not helpless

I pretend not to see

Soon I will be left a rotting carcass

I am not afraid of the death you bring

I fear being left useless

She touches his hair, reclining the chair
Climbing to the top
Covering his lips with her skirt
He gently touches her skin
Her shirt falls to the ground
He can not help himself,
grabbing her *******
His wife,
sees the whole situation unraveling
She gets down on her knees
While grabbing the girls *** cheek
A mutual agreement, for all parties
No harm is done
Some will say the devil they call upon
Their in love
The couple has a bond most can not comprehend
*** is intimate, it is also gratifying
Combining the savage beast,
who smashes the king size bed
Hiding in the night from a world who hates three

You caress my limbs
Sweeping by
You can never say hi
I know you are mine
The warmth of your hospitality sets me at ease
We seem to understand the unseen
There is more to the push in the trees
You are a destroyer, devastating
You still have beauty as I watch your beat
My soul hears your control
Yet, you are nothing more than the breeze

I'm a mess
This is not a confession
I never expected to settle down
I always believed I would be a free spirit running around
Then I found your daddy
He knew and I said I do
I will never understand his fascination with me
We're pretty intense in many ways but we created you, two beautiful babies
You may hate me one day, I will never resent it
I only hope the push and drive I give you makes a difference in this chaotic world
A world you're familiar with at times
I never planned to comprise, life has a way of sneaking up and ******* you from behind
I promise to keep fighting for what you need
Even if you never have the opportunity to see
I'm far from cheesey but your mommy has dreams to make life for you easy
One day, in this place where there may not be a God I pray for you nightly
Blessing your innocent mind and holding onto you tightly

What an eyesore
Most of her teenage life called a *****
Never ignored
Now in the middle of becoming
Life is plump, kind and loving
She holds on deep
Let go of the redneck endings  
20 something
She is depending  
Now she is ready
******* she is heavenly
Or maybe hell we'll heal the insane

Finding the boundaries that carry us away
The person we portray and the one we confine
Well mannered ****** deviant out of control
The urge to be perfect, held higher then a world on fire
burying her feet in the pit of the ashes with no meaning
Her skin thickened
A kiss from another comfort
A carressing finger tip
A body erratically pushing
Magnificently disturbed, naked on a decaying blanket
Eating burnt cookies and old tea, she will never leave
A foolish love
A half full comfort
She is destroyed and so is the universe circling her
A head held up and mouth forced shut by the whiskey bottle tape to her neck
Silence as she walks blessed
She is nothing but forgiveness

I contemplate with a sigh, "if there is a hell I'm going there"
Do I regret my decision making, maybe
I may be a broken once upon a time christian
Ironically God set me free
So if irony hates me, the fiery depths is where I'll be

Stuck
Twirling head
Black sludge
Draining puddle
Seeping from her ear drums
Mouth open, drool hits her hand
She stares
No one is answering
A bump sits between the brows
Brain combustion
An empty vessel

I let my cascading walls of insignificant thoughts hit my toes
My hands spread open, I exhale knowing I can't feel my nose
I could shot gun another glass of wine, facilitating concentration on my inspiration
The motion of it traveling down my spine to my dirt embedded fingers bent
I use every muscle and ingenuity, literally sweating
In hopes to get applause for my corrupted mind
Pumped up for abandonment
The words never seem to be situated exactly right

Beauty is not gained
It is obtained and retained
Beauty is not a product
It is a human being
It is a attribute defined
It is a love to those around us
It is a natural state of humanity
Beauty is nothing with out everything

I take another sip of my, “10% I am fine”

I feel my heart in side my head

My life is in reverse there is no death, just loneliness and complications

I seem to pretend

I envy the blessed, yet I have many things while I digress

Don’t trust my flight because I never was told to be polite

My goals were not born , they seemed to morph into a unfiltered ready to pillage this

I am woman

No need for a seat belt

I am hell and I feel there is nothing left

Unblemished,

Is ugly

Ugly, is courageous

Courageous, is strength

Strength, is failure

Failure, is the state of being weak for far to long

Our mistakes,

Our darkest hours;

Create our conviction to purpose

The will we have chosen subconsciously

Some may suggest it's the spirit inside, knowing it's fight

I am thoughtless speech
I am a reckless belief
I see beneath
The dead installed
controlled with no advance
I am doubt
My heart is in need
I am consumption left empty
I am free inhabited by fear
I am nothing
I am in everything
I am the more to my ego