I like self-pity unconsciously
I have no friends because I'm me
Enthusiastic hopes and dreams dissipate so easily
Not sure why the universe acts like I could be something
The world is cold and owes nothing
When you are misconstrued and used confusion is happy
Reinventing is a thing Not sure if it's for me

Walking backwords
A world familiar
Now old
Wise and not so simular
The harshness is now kisses
The misunderstood was meant to be good
I'm traveling the same road in a different wardrobe

You stabbed me
Dug it in deep
I licked the knife as I bleed
You held my head up right only to see
A broken me
You, a destroyed personality
We are complete
Complete
Complete insanity
Insanity
Is everything
You feed off my sexuality
Yet the nightmares seem to be hiding

Hiding

From

Me

I ate it



You demonstrated the hate

The hate that infested your veins

Creating them

The monster with in

Something that scares the host

Intrigues most

The cruel world

We all
Call



HOME

Invaded by the norm

I am Kara Jean
A ******* stressful thing
My heart is sweet
My exterior is bitter coating
I like screaming publicly "tell me what to do!"
The universe yells back "*******!"
I try to dry my cheeks before my mascara burns my eyes
Dried,
like my soul from all my mistakes
Getting what you want is a ******* fight
Challenges seem to grasp me tight
So ****** I'm ready for this disfunctional ride
I've been training my whole life

Sitting in my bathroom sink contemplating late 20's
I hear my heart filled with responsbility
Giggles as barbies splash by
The smiles make me reach for the sky
Then the realness hits
The dream was never thick
I awake standing in black shoveling fries, asking if I can add anything else to that
The passer bys say, "atleast you have your beauty"
Beauty doesn't pay the bills unless you put it up for bid
I could say **** this and quietly move aside
Instead I'll swallow my pride
Tell myself a lie,
"One day I will hold my head high"
For now I smell the salt as I continue to shovel fries

Strength is interpreted wrong in the thought procces of the ones who feel weak
In actuality we should be embracing the unique
Thank god for what we see
Forgive ourselves for the guilt stuck inside our bodies
We have a  fire built deep for a reason
A purpose alluring
Everyone is looking for that belief
I just follow the energy
It seems to always be calling
Spoken word never seemed so bleak

What the **** am I doing with my life
There is no gain
Would you like a large fry with that pain
Thanks, come again
She seems miserable and glowing
Contoured on smile
Forcing her to be happy
Counter tops seem befitting tonight
God, I lost my light
Life seems to strip you naked
Bare and thin, it's always in
Lust will **** you dry
Leaving you asking why
She sweats smudged transgressions
He pushes deeper in
His ****** tension draws her sin
She never was meant to win

Twenty-six
What a **** mess
Kisses hugs with grubby little hands
Manners and crayons
No sleep and working
Trying to follow the chase for something we all crave
Hypocritically misbehaving
The money seems disgusting
Yet makes others smile while holding it tightly
We breed we try to succeed
What does it all mean
Beats me
I'm only twenty-six
I know nothing
Paper and pen scrape up my hand
Bruises hidden and blended in
No words of admiration or advice
Just listen to the lost and pretend to be found
Isn't that what makes the world go around

She thought she had it;
Significance

Muddy dress, an outfit depressed

The sunshine blinds

A use for her view

Then realistic features come walking in

Scolded shoulders tower over

Her fishnets and black lipstick hide her
mildewed heart

She fights

Fighting submerged her feelings

Numbing the pain she became hate

Hate became her soul

A control

A defense

A way to save her from death

To bad the devil has a toll

A fee

He envies ugly

Bitterness seems to be the ego of my tongues taste buds
The story of life never really begun
The future is torn by what we have become
I still stand proudly holding congratulation balloons and chewing gum
I pop the bubble as I hum a song
Not noticing the buzzard telling me to move on
The ghost seems to place himself next to my feet
whispering with every step he sees
Trying to show me my deceit
Although I walk careless or maybe hopelessly
Encouraging myself the future is still bright
When in reality it is only fake highlights
Held together with dead ends and a burnt head
We have no other opportunity
Only a possibility of being the lucky one
I lose my fun as I sit here popping my chewing gum

I am humbled by where I need to go
So I can go where I need to be
I hear someone following me
May it be god or a spiritual being
I am incapable of looking back
So I hope the universe cuts me off and takes the
lead
If not it's just me and the baggage full of could of bes
Holding me down as I drag it across the ground
At least my wine makes me drown
Only to make my eyes wide
To see it always was the devil next to me

I'm learning
Learning to be human
To color in the lines
To not be my emotional centered self
To be like the rest
No multy colored leggings
No braids in the middle of my head
No me
No you
Plain blue jeans

To bad...

I'm failing.....

No one seems to be able to change my crazy

I sit still in anticipation of another try

Still....

I sit with a satisfied mind of who I am meant to be

Instability

It helps me sleep at night

I am a mess

It will be my accomplishment if today ends

Clarity
My knees shattered from beneath me
The ones standing next to me seem to not notice or care to hear
With no ground under me I continue to run
Legs pound with no air to balance my breathing
Suffocating is the option presented
I might take it, if my knees won't ground me
God just let me go free
No guilt
No noise
Nothing holding me
Only life letting me taste its spirituality

Our hearts crave one another
Our love is insane
I don't want our vain personalities communicating
I just want the pureness in us
Wishes are ******* and so is love
Keep close to me and we will hold hands in make belief
Goodbye to the negativity
New is scary but so is not breathing
Forgive me in this mess surrounding me
I once believed in happy endings

Me

A human with needs

Hunger,
Lust and love

None will fill the void instigating justification

Insignificant, comes out as pride

Fix your jaw line and become one with life

We have a Long time of unexpected rides

I Sit with a grin
You like to pretend
Everyone says shine what's in
To bad my personality didn't get the hint
"Give me something baby"
Well, I guess you were meant to **** me empty
Personality isn't happy
Please be a real thing, not a dumb in between somebody
You and that half *** aura said no
That yells don't
Actions scream, "I'm depleted and faking"
Kind of like a satisfying ****
There is a fake sense of norm, causing the lonely and a rubbed raw feeling
Wait you seem almighty
OK
I'll give you a piece of crazy
Have a nice night, "Mr. ******* right"
I don't play the clingy scene
I like my life left clean
Read me
Leave

Perfect is a word created by media
A creation of insecurity to make you pay
Learn to disobey and break the **** away

Beauty is not gained
It is obtained and retained
Beauty is not a product
It is a human being
It is a attribute defined
It is a love to those around us
It is a natural state of humanity
Beauty is nothing with out everything

Stop fighting your story
Life is meant to be
Complex is our punishment for not listening

I have no history and I have no past
This passion will never last
So hand me the wine glass

I contemplate with a sigh, "if there is a hell I'm going there"
Do I regret my decision making, maybe
I may be a broken once upon a time christian
Ironically God set me free
So if irony hates me, the fiery depths is where I'll be

We yell self righteous notes
When we peek within everyone is dying of sin
Broken is the helping hand
Let's pretend to be complete

I see the tears well up in the corner of your eyes
I see your soul wants to go
More dedicated but no place to climb

Tell me please
What is the difference between us and them?

Fear

It seems to be king over many

I feel night whispering  
My hot bath looses it's heat slowly
My tea waits patiently
I can't sleep
There is nothing more I need, only rest
My spirit won't let me
I hear it's whining
A toddler in full tantrum yelling, "I'm hungry, feed me"
There is no food to satisfy the hunger
It still wants everything  
Taming the feast
A tug of war with my spirit and rationality  
Circumstances are an excuse
I'm to tired to argue
Please god, let me sleep
I will try to have courage in the morning
Tonight let me be

The first eye opening
A bright room
People crying
Our first moment seems to be love

Love
Butterflies out of control nausea
Heart deep fluttering
You need to sit your *** down kind of feeling

Love
Do we stop?
Stop loving?
Stop living?
What happens when the mind mishapes, decays?
Standing hand in hand in the middle of love, do we leave or stay?
What is the true definition of love?
Can anyone really explain?

I seem to regret many things
Writing unimportant feelings isn't one of them
So for now this is my break
Wish me luck and the power to behave

Young
Lost
and
Crazy
God made me this way
Sad, without an understanding
I only hope not to disappear
My dream is to show perseverance
My only prayer is to be a purpose that is clear
Some kind of force show me the way
Tomorrow is my day

Disaster is ugly and disgusting
Causing misery and chaos screaming
Out of dull, green rises singing
Beauty from destruction
I become one with the broken tons
We have animosity sprouting
The generation of new beginnings
We are the solution
Problem solving through chaos impact
We are problematic fact
We are the next impact
A world accepting of human beings
We can be something

Average seems kind of demeaning in the new make belief history
Born to be different in a normal structure
I pray to God people encourage the different hospitality
Seeing people like me
The rebellious living
The compassion rolled perfectly upon their sleeves
Forgive our wanting
We have potential
The insecure eat it all
Leaving us lifeless
Battered and wondering
We can be more than a drunken dream
A disaster of strategic possibilities

I am a woman
Dyed blond
Peer pressure I guess
Nice *****
I don't conform
Not because I'm informed
I'm padded room crazy
A wild Daisy
My hair represent the free spirit
Then I cut it off in rebellion
I will light you on fire
You never were a desire
Leave me, I wont be crying
You always be wondering
I'm that insane chick that keeps you staring

Patio umbrella waving like a fan
Beer numbing my face, nightly planned
I hear broken music from an ice cream truck
I hear the thunder as it struck
Almost like a demented fairytale plucked from my imagination
God's ****** up creation
A gorgeous mess with a yellow and pink sunset dress
Slowly, we watch night
The look lies as the heat hugs tight
The smell of peppermint suffocating memories
You take another sip and try to remind yourself to live
To bad your kindergarten ambitiousness ended in a bottle with lipstick stuck to the rim

We came so far
Playing the sounds of records we never seen
Singing Tom Petty in between
Summer never seemed so sweet
We sat out until three
Staring up at the stars, the sky placed so simply
You are my one and only
We're a good crazy
Finger tips in my hair
I feel a tear as you kiss me
Could it be possible, we found love young
The way you touch my soul is impossible
I'm not obsessed but you make me helpless
I remember the day we said ok, this is forever
Babe, please hold me all day
Make me brave
Make time stand still
You make me weak with every intimate moment
Our love is complete and it scares me

A ceaseless compulsion
Memorizing every mark and story you tell
My destructive ways
Playing the game destroying your name
Starving
Cutting
Burning
Anyway to create more pain
Here you stand striking and majestic
You walked away resilient
Disfigured to society
I only see grace
Every mark encompassing you resembles strength
I now respect myself
We are binded together boundless through intertwined life
Our infinite form
My spirit and body
Combine as one

I promise to love

Her long symbolic hair caressing her body
Her torn jeans representing her dignity
Sentimental to the teen rotted inside a lifetime ago
Tears making her smile
Her pink apple suit case was confiding
Hiding in a storm, where rocks were thrown
Bruises and scars across her knees
Killing the young girl
No longer innocent eyed
She's a a straggler
Structure tried
She runs away searching
Fresh start is an opportunity topped off with profanity
Odds pushing her down
A constant, as the sun raises its eyebrows
Her cards she never questioned there quality
As he touched her fingers
She has one chance
Contemplative perseverance

I used an abundance of bronzer to attain that warming look
To bad, I'm see through
My pale dead cold blue glistens for you
You wanted me selfishly
I seen your tendencies shining
You were always better at dining
You never existed
The only evidence is a ripped up shirt,
covered in blue frosting

The moment I feel it
The point I've figured it out
Seconds away from being a whole
A mind in control
The walls,
The house,
My world
begins to sweat
Melting
Swelling
My heart feels irony in my soul dying
I run frantically
There's still time everyday
We scream and pray
Fixated on a break
To bad it's on fire
Others envy as you rise higher
If only they knew your heart was tired
Self-worth never acquired
Still we run
The winding path kissing your morning breath
Progress
Nothing changes
Time to admit
Your heart finally turned to charcoal
The darkness has no forgiveness
Somewhere in the middle section
Helpless
With a world full of alcohol, tears and desires
No one notice you were a crier
You sit in loneliness
Proving you're a ******* fighter
There is still life in the smoldering soul
One day the run won't be so tiring and old
Hope or bitterness hits and you die in emptiness
Cleanse me in a chlorine pool
My white dress floats
Eleganntly holding my figure together as my skin burns off
God screams
No one hears
I sit in a universe I only see
Mother Earth stop haunting me
A dream form made to torment her
Today we lay no longer breathing
Free is still currently a lie we put into our speech
I lay lifeless in a straight jacket built upon fear

I hurt

I bleed

I am a human being

I sometimes sit in a hot bath and cry

I feel words that speak

Speak wisdom and individuality

Others find my personality embarrassing

There is a select few who will see more to you

Your glory

Your strength

Your humanity


Those are the ones you should love dearly

Let go of those who want to hate because their insecurities taught them to fear

They need to conquer their own journey

If they win maybe they will gravitate back and you can start over once again

Until then you need to find your own path and let go of them

It is not selfishness but the right to find the direction you were meant to see

You are a human being