There was one a person who made me feel safe

held my hand when I began to fall from grace

This person is my soulmate the one I miss

he brought me love and unlimited bliss

Then I went and messed it all up

Sent him into a downward spiral

He gave me all he had

I threw it all back

I’m still in love with him

He’s trying to give me a second chance

Okay it’s like my third chance

But I won’t give up

I won’t give into temptation

Even if we’re not together

I won’t be unfaithful

He is my first love

My only love

My best friend

The guy who saved me

The guy who loved me

Even when I was impossible to be around

He was perfect…He is perfect….

J.T.L.

My eyes
Look me in the eyes

Go right ahead

Push deep inside

Past the fear and the lies

Ask me how I really feel

Help me tell the story I live behind

Listen to the words

Of wounds that don’t heal

They hold the paid I hide

Every smile and every laugh

Harder to fake then the last

Watch my eyes

See how they jump around?

Trying to find something, anything

To calm me down

Fill the place in my heart

That I so sadly write about

A mother, who has lost her way

A daughter, just trying to learn to play life’s stupid game of pain and drama

Just trying to make each day just a little bit better.

All of this you can find

If you just take a little time

Look into my eyes

Brace yourself

Be ready to pay the price.

My Brother
He won’t hug you or tell you he loves you

He might ignore you and say hurtful words

He doesn’t talk much and gets mad easily

But he’s my brother

Almost 18, a full adult

Someday he might hug me

Maybe even tell me he loves me

Someday I’ll tell him

I’ve kept that glow in the dark star

Above my bed ever since he let me take it off his ceiling

I keep it there so I can think of him before I fall asleep

So he can be my 11:11 wish

Maybe someday I’ll even tell him

How much it hurt when he’d refuse

To hug me or even look at me

Even in his quiet tough attitude

And brave expression

I can still see my big brother

This poem I wrote for Paul, he died on March 12th, 2010
I was dancing to the beat
You were driving too fast
While I was living one of the best nights of my life
You were living your last.
RIP Paul 3-12-10 (10:38 pm)

I tell everybody I don’t care, that I’ve moved on
I’m fine on my own.
Does anybody stop to think?
Maybe it’s not just them I have to convince?
I also have to try and convince myself.
Life’s just so hard without my best friend right now!
So please come home, save me from this pain
I’m just falling through the air
I already know nobody’s there to catch me at the bottom
Yet, I can’t help but hope that you’ll catch me somehow.

I want this side

It’s not like I'm afraid

Just another side of you

I see him lurking

Peeking around the corner

I am waiting for him

I’m waiting for monster

What will he do to me?

Will he hurt me?

Will he wound me?

Will he “Break” me?

Can he?

I want him

I desire him

No safe words

No listening to my pleas

Ignoring my soft limits

Pushing past them

Playing with my hard limits

Showing me he’s boss.

He isn’t some monster under a bed

He’s the monster I want

To tie me to the bed

Monster….

Will you dominate me?

Can you dominate me?

Mother Thank you (Lisa)
It hurt to leave you behind
You’re my mother
You raised me
Taught me right from wrong
How to walk How to talk
You were always honest with me
About where I came from
Why you chose me
Where my biological parents were
It was you who helped
Mend every broken heart
Put up with my anger
Never gave up
Tried to make me happy
Handled all my issues
Stayed strong when I hurt you
No matter what you always said I love you
Before I walked out the door
Even if we had just finished fighting
I heard you cry late at night
You were wondering where you went wrong
Got up each day
Hoping I’d treat you better
I crushed your every dream
That I’d change someday
Over and over
You tried to hold me tight
I just pushed you away
Made you retreat
Lock yourself and your heart
Far away from me
Today you let me go
Watched me from the door
You just wanted what’s best for me
Mommy thanks for loving me.