Happy Poem

I never thought I’d write a happy poem

Yet, here I am writing away

Today is the day I say what I need to say

Life is finally better

No more cuts or bruises

Just sparkle and shimmer

The smile on my face is real

Not fake like it used to be

I’ve grown up a lot

Changed myself

Figured out what I want from life

Reached inside myself

Searching for the answers

To life’s hidden questions

I found the girl I used to be

She never left at all

Always been a part of me

Just concealed behind

What I had become

Hazel Aurora

Such a beautiful name

She’s the angel of my dreams

Protecting me throughout the night

Soothing my pain and my doubts

Some nights she’s still a baby

I hold her close

It’s my job to keep her safe

Other nights she’s grown up

I’ll push her on the swings

She’ll laugh like her daddy

Scream ‘higher mommy higher’

I’ll give her under dog after under dog

Until she’s swinging on her own

No matter what age she is that night

She’ll always ask for her daddy

Where he is and what he’s like

Why he didn’t want to be around

Her biggest fear is it’s her fault

Hazel Aurora

She’s the angel of my dreams

The demon of my nightmares

She’s the last piece of my fairy tale life

The life that will never be

Hell on Earth

This smile is fake

Stop shaking your head in denial

Look in my eyes

Tell me what you see

Go deeper then the lies

Just take one peek

Realize I’m not who I seem

Don’t be afraid

You’ve come this far

Can you find me?

Tucked in the darkest corner

Come alone now, don’t cry

I’ve been through far worse

You’d never believe the hell on this Earth

I wrote this to prove to my friend that I knew how she felt the day that she convinced my then boyfriend to sleep with her**

I walk into his room

I haven’t seen him in awhile

My feelings flare just looking at him

He’s video chatting with her

Slight anger fuels inside my heart

I watch him smile

I say hi *** I’m home

Loud enough for her to hear

I hear her try to laugh

“Now don’t you two go have *** in the woods”

She tries to laugh at her own joke

I hear the crack at the end

She’s my best friend

But there’s something I need to finish

She stole him from me before I could

He promised me

Promised to be my first

What she don’t know won’t hurt her right?

I can’t help it

I have to let her know

I send her anon messages

“He’s cheating on you”

I know he’ll deny it

But it was worth it

Just for that day

To feel his body against mine

It tore us apart

I don’t know how to talk to her

Instead I use anger towards her

She stole him from me

She deserved to be hurt

He’s mine…right?

Him.

he made me who i am

he built me up

he broke me down

he did it over and over

he promised

he broke those too

he killed me

he brought me back to life

he made me hate life

he made me love life

he made me see a future

he made me see the edge of a blade

he made me see the darkness.

he….

he….

…..he made it so if can’t trust myself with love.

*k.d.s.

his brown eyes

reflected his unfaltering love

my mistakes

filled them with tears

today he flinches

when I come near

as if the sight of me

is to much to bear

I can’t take it back

but never shall

I move on

I took his faith

and tore it to pieces

10 months & 20 days

of happiness

then 4 days

of my doubt

my lies

my attempt to protect

my harsh goodbyes

it was my fault

I just hope

he can mend

his first

broken heart

*J.L.

I might hate it but I’d still change

I hate it when one of us walks away

When we fight about stupid things

The way your voice trembles as you plead “please don’t”

How I get mad because I know that in a way

What anybody else thinks determines our fate

I love you even with each passing day

But I can’t help feeling upset

Every time you push me away

All I want is for you to love me

No matter who’s around

But I’ll stop because you want me too

I’d change everything for you in a heartbeat

written for j.t.l