Just Ty

Just Ty Mar 2018

I guess being by myself isn’t really a bad thing
Especially considering all that is happening
In my mind; in that place that I don’t even want to be
It’s a selfish trait to ask anyone to come and save me
Why is that in these walls the isolation is embraced
It’s like I cannot be hurt at all so it’s where I stay to be safe
But at the same time why do I want to fill this empty space
Am I talking about these walls or where my heart used to be placed?
I just want to be able to feel again so I am no longer numb
But every time I let someone in I get caught up looking dumb.
It’s a dangerous game when it comes to the mind
It’s a tough opponent to beat for it’s one of a kind
You see it’s constantly changing and consistently evolving
Every day creating problems but never problem solving.
Every time I think the game is won and I have a checkmate
My mind just looks and laugh and says “Ty your too late”.
You can never beat me for I already know what you are thinking
Stick with what you know kid. your drug, hoes, and drinking
So no matter what I do in life I am just destined to lose
Constantly relapsing for her love like dope head who drools.
How did I get here how did I allow my mind to get like this?
I got so wrapped up in pleasing others that I lost myself up in the mix
So Where do I go to find me where is it that I start.
I dont dare to listen to my mind and **** sure not my heart.
Maybe one day I will figure it out you know if it’s not too late
I just hope that I make it to the day that I see my mind straight

Just Ty-

Just Ty Mar 2018

About Last Night

Last night I had a ******* with depression and anxiety
What can I say I have an addiction so Im constantly fighting with sobriety

Just Ty-

Just Ty Mar 2018

Beyond

My mother always said shoot for the moon and if you don’t quiet make it then at least you will land amongst the stars.
But with you I shot right past the moon to something further
With the mindset that I was going to travel to where no man has gone before.
But I didn’t realize that our love didn’t have enough fuel to reach our destination
So where do I land from here because my mother never told me what was past the moon.
I thought that I could fuel this rocket ship with enough love for the two of us
But you abandoned ship with the only oxygen tank that we had left.
Now here I am lost and floating not knowing which way is up.
Gasping for just one more ounce of air that is your voice.

Just Ty-

Just Ty Mar 2018

2017

With 2018 drawing so near
I figured I’d take the time to make myself clear
That I never intended to become 20-17 monster of the year
But I actually became the thing that I myself most fear

I never meant to cause this world so much pain
But for my unintentional actions I’ll eat that blame
And to all the people whom left as quickly as they came
I wish you all the best even if you dont wish the same

It’s been the worst year for sure that’s something I will not doubt
There has even been moments where I just wanted to check out
Because no matter how loud I screamed I couldn’t shout those thoughts out
Now I sit back pondering what the root of my pain was really all about

20-17 is where I would like my demons to stay
But I already know in my mind is where they will forever play
They follow me wherever I go no matter how far I run away
So it’s foolish of me to believe that I will be rid of my pain on New Year’s Day

This year had its ups and downs like a roller coaster of feelings
I thought I had found love when I was actually dreaming
I have wanted to die many times but somehow my hearts still beating
But I don’t know how many beats I have left bc my heart won’t stop bleeding

I don’t know if this makes sense and I don’t really care
I just have to write this **** out bc if I don’t then I’m scared
Of what could happen to me if me and my demons are once again paired
For that’s a dangerous couple who’s love should be feared

Just Ty-

#monster #new #year #blame #fear

Just Ty Mar 2018

life or death

Sometimes I lay in bed hoping that I don't wake.
The pain that I am experiencing is more than I can take.
Loosing you makes my life worthless
Lost and confuse feeling right hopeless.
I feel as if I should move on.
But in the after life the pain still carries on.
Neither in life or death will I find happiness.

Just Ty-

Just Ty Mar 2018

Don't

Don’t you dare say you love me until you have seen me at my worst.
Don’t you dare say that you couldn’t ever see me less than what I am until you see these tears burst
From my eyes that could only look at you.
You said that you would never repeat all I have been through.
But it wasn’t true, for you just up and left and I have no idea what I even did
This is why I spent so many years locking away my heart to where not even I knew where it hid.
I don’t think with my mind I think too much with my heart
Hence why we failed hence why we fell apart

Just Ty-

Just Ty Mar 2018

Why

Why is it that I can never feel good enough?
Why is it always the same excuse “oh its different stuff”
Why do I always love those whom will never love me back?
Why is it those who do love me are the ones that I neglect?
Why is it that I can never write unless I’m filled with pain?
Why is that my life without you just doesn’t feel the same?

Just Ty-