I've been told that my smiles
They don't reach my eyes anymore
And whenever I see someone genuinely happy
A part of me dies a little more
I can't sleep
I can't eat
I don't want to go outside anymore
All I really want to do,
Lay in bed and cry a little more
I really wish
That I could think
Outside of my draining sink
Happy memories, good experiences
All down into that deep, black hole
They say shape up, ship out, get up, don't pout
Look around you, this generation is dying
You say our humor is morbid, or stupid, nonsensical
But what you can't see is that we're using it to cover up the fact that inside
We're crying.
Look past the fake smiles
The masks that everyone wears
See that past all that we're rocking back and forth
In a dark black hole
Thinking over and over
'It'll be ok'

Lights
Cameras
Action
Body
Sweat
Hands
Touching places they shouldn't
Grasping things that hurt
Doing things that they shouldn't-
Things that I really don't want them to do
Voices
Moans
Groans
Pounding heads
Cups filled with water, wine, and other things put there by hands controlled by scheming minds
No
Stop
I know that I don't want this
But I have no power to stop it
No control over my own life

I can tell that the radio's playing
But all that I hear is white noise
I know that he's talking
I can see his lips moving
But his words go in one ear and out the other
Not coming anywhere near my mind
Which might as well be in another dimension
Not in this smoke filled room
With the heat and sweat of all these bodies
I feel his hands
Touching
Grabbing
Places I know my father wouldn't want him to go
I should tell him no
Stop
But I'm frozen in this white dimension
White walls
White floors, white ceiling
White noise

Chasing Stars
Dreams go far
Never knowing
Always hoping
Closing eyes
Propelling off of cliffs
Hoping
Never knowing
To fall into a land of stars

I live a very melancholy life
And I never really knew why
I would try and try
Watching all my friends reach their skies
Never quite being able to touch mine
My fingertips would brush the clouds
Then I would fall back down
To a world filled to the brim with happiness that never seemed to reach my cup
I'd go up and up and up
Then in an instant I'd fall back down
To my happy little world
My smiling face masking a melancholy frown

Today I cried a river
I drowned in my own tears
For a minute or two I tried to swim
Then I succumbed to my own fears
Today I cried a river
I tinted it with blood
Pulled out a knife
And cut in strife
My very own flesh and blood
Today I cried a river
And no one else will know
Because no one saw
The knife I drew
But for a thousand flakes of snow