**** rises to the top





Gold sinks to the bottom.

Need
             Beat                  
                         ****
                                  Give
                         ­                    More
                                                        obey
   ­                                                              love
                                                  

                             Good Girl

"Are you ready to be worked to the core?"

The burning as blood pulses through the ripping muscle fiber with every ******.
Sweat gliding down your cheek as you release a laboured breath. Begging for this to be the last one...And being told "No, 4 more"

In your stubbornness you dig deep tightening every muscle with focus. Pushing through the pain, the deep burn. Distracting yourself.

Wishing that you weren't the sadist doing this to yourself. Dreaming the pain was being dealt out by someone else. Someone you could plead with.

Uurgh 3 to go.
You think back to your last beating. The sting of the crop. The harshness of her rhythmic hand driving deep into your tissue.  Oh how you wish this burn would end with a moans and a smirk of pleasure like it did that night.  

But today you strive to please a new mistress. She does not grow weary delivering heavy strikes. Instead there is only the pleasure of controlling the strong fortress she commands you to build with every rep.

"Just two more" she states coldly. "You will do this, these last two are for you"

With fresh resolve you push through, bearing teeth... One to go

As you take one final gulp of rejuvenating air, you look up to see your mistress is you. With a smirk of satisfaction you effortlessly finish your last rep.

With a smile of approval she whispers "Good girl, I won't go so easy on you next time"

When my heart loves not and tears cry no more,
I know I have loved England not any more,
The crush I felt for thee has passed away,
Drowned and died out by the dawn of today,

And inside of me lives a green turmoil,
A venomous desire to ****** away and ****,
I shall be satisfied when there is blood,
The red liquid pouring out from your heart,

And I shall but **** cruelly and madly,
The souls who have stolen my sanity,
Those who falsely flattered my poetry,
Those who have torn my dream and beauty,

And I shall once more be Estefannia,
The heart and soul of evil Jakarta,
One whose heart shows no tinge of mercy,
Who preys on the weak and not feels sorry.

my arms have begun to feel like
the rails on a staircase
that have been painted over one too many times, swollen
and begging to chip – you sunk your teeth

into my flesh
like dull pocket knife blades, but it
was not a love bite. you never loved me enough.
I was

still a child, sprawled on a sofa, spread open,
when you asked if you could
paint me – a rubeneqsue
silhouette that knew too few years,
an anomaly, damning every man with my figure or
something. (*******,
lifebait, ******* until it ruins you)

it sounded as if it hurt you
to see me, I believed you were going to coat my skin in
*** and blood
instead of pouring it on the paper.

you said everything reminded you of my
shape. you
rolled your car window down one day, and it was
rounded at the top – you

imagined it as my *** grinding
down onto your ****.

you cried as you thought this, your daughter
in the backseat,
and fantasized about
cutting all the beauty out of me. you small man, you
coward

I knew
I had to do the bleeding for you
but eventually grew tired
of patching my open wrists with your dried spit.

Wanting to be used
Marked
Folded, creased
Manipulated into something beautiful

Soaked in the ink of desire
Never to fall into the suffocating security of being filed way with all the rest
Craving freedom to dance on the wind forgotten while begging for the sanctuary of being bound.

Knowing its place in the universe's library.

a dull buzz grew
while my throat contracted
***** held back by a grip
then the spins
then a black out
come to in the kitchen
dishes in hands
water on
the whole world roaring
stumble up the stairs
close my door
fall to the floor
while the panic sets in
holy **** this is it
this is my end
breath sharp but distant
crawl to the bed for some comfort
before suffocating
then the terror eases up
lungs quiet and absorb enough
holy ****
the worst has dissipated
and left me frustrated
with my now aching chest
legs tightened
my entire body yelling
Frightened!
only my pillows
to whisper
it's okay, you're okay,
I've got you,
breathe with me,
slowly,
breathe
with
me
.
.
.