Hello, friend. Do you have a not-so-special someone knocking on your door? Is there a former shadow beckoning to rejoin your immediate vicinity? Have you just plainly been prompted by a profoundly persistent person to renegotiate the terms of your relationship, or lack thereof? Haha, yes. Ex's can be curious creatures indeed.
But, just what to do? Should you reconcile your differences and peruse the possibilities of pursuing the romance once more? Do you slam the door in their face, call the local authorities and report an attempted ****** of the first degree? Or should you locate the nearest thirteen story building, jump from the roof and hope that your ex breaks the fall? Well, before you go and take a leap of faith, there are some very important questions you should ask yourself:
1) What was the relationship prior to this announcement like? Enjoyable? Questionable? Horrific enough to end it all by swallowing hot coals?
2) Is your ex certifiably insane, or would you personally recommend their detainment in a psychological ward for a duration no shorter than the remainder of their life?
3) Has your ex ever hurt you in a fashion only describable as discovering that there is indeed Hell on Earth, and they must by all good reason and logic, be evil incarnate itself?
If you responded negatively, or couldn't fathom a positive or even neutral response, you may want to consider the following courses of action for your own sake:
1) Approach your ex cautiously. If the smell of sulfur in the air is nonexistent, tell him or her to go commit Seppuku if they wish to restore any semblance of honor to themselves.
2) Place an effigy of your ex in their yard, douse with gasoline, and set it ablaze. Upon viewing this, your ex will more than likely cease any further attempts to get back together.
3) Go to your local zoo and bargain with the owner for the purchase, trade, or temporary lease of a rhinoceros. Put said rhinoceros in your ex's abode and promptly leave. The rhino is a well-known adversary of the treacherous ex-spouse.
If you did respond positively to the questions, then congratulations! You may very well have high hopes of restoring your relationship and living prosperously alongside them. If things do go sour, please reread the modest proposals of how to deal with a not so suitable ex.
I tried to make this as humorous as possible while really trying to make it poetic. Please, I welcome comments. If I receive good enough reviews, I may turn this into a series! Thank you for reading.