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Janelise Oct 2019
I keep thinking about possibilities,
Of you and i entangled;
Against a wall,
Under covers,
Exposed skin in the moonlight,
Hands on necks,
Bodies dipped in excited sweat.
I love how you make me feel
Like im the most beautiful woman
Youve ever seen
In the world.
Like i, in my unabashed glory, was created to be touched by
Every part of you.
The best part is i know
you feel it too.
Janelise Oct 2019
Go quietly go peacefully
Into the night; into
those dark places
Go alone. No witnesses.

Approach the troubled lurker
In the decrepid corners of your
Broken being. Follow his lead.
Keep it silent; keep it secret.

Fall, drive, swallow, cut
The numbness out
Leave your soul. Leave a note
Kiss the ones that tried to love you.
But dont look back.

Disappear. refuse to try.
Im giving up. There are no
Winners in this ether.
I will be a fool no longer.
Janelise Oct 2019
There's this joke
I forget how it goes.
No wait, its life.
Everyone laughs until we die.

Nothing is funnier than
My desperation to heal.
Forever damaged, trying
To cover my wounds like
A piece of alluminum foil
Too small to reach the edges
Of the bowl.

Ripping and tearing,
Falling apart. Caged in
A tank. Swimming with sharks.
Why am i alive? To feel this pain
It seems. Its the only thing
that feels real to me.
Janelise Oct 2019
The chamber is empty
But I promise to fill it
To jumpstart the ending.
Just remember me, well;
you dodged a bullet
Even with your help
I couldn't save me.
Janelise Oct 2019
I feel heavy.
Slipping further;
Diving into the Depths.
Drowning under
The gravity of my actions;
Of my words.

This hole in my chest consumed
The sea. And i did not hear
His cries I pushed them
Down. Into me.
And Its still beating.
Weighing me.

How did i become her?
In the blink of a tear filled eye.
As a mother, nature has taught me
That fighting is the only way
That sometimes you never have a say
In who hurts you the most

Monster. Thats what ive
become. Covered in scars
from head to toe, Trying
desperately to be something else...
Anything else...

I thought i was empty
Turns out im full. Of black
broken pieces. A muddy thing to be
Disposed of. Hating myself
Came so naturally.

And now i know why.
Janelise Sep 2019
She dug her feet into the sand
At the edge of the shore.
The storm would not back down.
She knew better.
She understood now
And she stood alone.
With her wild purple hair,
With her bold eye shadow,
With her empty womb,
With tears in her eyes
Sparkling like the sea
In the moonlight.
The tempest winds tried her but
There was strength
Emanating from her being.
Even when she broke down crying,
Especially while she rose.
As she clung to life.
And she had never been more beautiful;
While she warred with herself,
While she believed in her bones,
While she grew.
She held the weight of love
On her shoulders
With a power she finally knew
Janelise Sep 2019
My heart skips nervously
because you are near;
glory magnified by your gaze.
Heat singed skin begging for rough hands.
Bruises you left,
on my being,
a space so full;
and yet there's a hunger...
                                                       ­       ... only you can satisfy.
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