It's okay not to miss it
I get it.
Not hard to be lonely
When I was only part of your story
It's okay to ignore me
Act like it was all so simple
The memories all ripped open but slowly fading
It's okay to move on while I'm still mourning
**** that.
I'm gonna tell you how you hurt me
Made me feel like nothing
As if you were some trophy
I cared more so don't give me those lies
It was obviously me and not you
Sorry I tried.

Let's start over
Just forget all the mistakes I've made
I messed up
Like I always do
I wish I could go back
God I would change everything
I wanna blame it on the music
Or the alcohol
Or the dancing
I just wanna forget that night
And start over with you
Just escape and forgive who I've become
But I can't
So, I'll continue to pretend like I don't see you
And that I don't see your eyes
Those circles that pierce with anger
And leave a sting of rejection
I'll pretend I don't hear the laughs
The mocking of that night
I won't deny anything
Because when I turn around and look Into those betrayed eyes
I can see a spark
That spark of sadness
That's become so familiar to me
Because behind those vengeful eyes There's the tears that I have cried
The pain that I have felt
And the guilt that I have to bear
So, for now I'll just believe that there's a chance for us
But, if one day, your eyes glance over to me
I beg you,
Don't look away.

Remember how we use to be
Always laughing
We could never get enough
We stood in line that one day
Because you promised me ice cream
And I just had to have that waffle cone
Sorry I was a mess I guess it became too much
Because that first year was a start
To what I don't know
But a start that never seemed to finish
Because it was interrupted
Maybe it was me
Actually it probably was
Did I change or you, it's know use questioning
Because that winter, perhaps it was the cold, but you went with the season
Those laughs turned into fights and your eyes became a new shade of color
One that I had never seen
There wasn't anymore ice cream and you didn't care
But I watched as this mess grew to something that consumed me
What we became was someone I didn't recognize
Someone I couldn't be
So this is my apology
For leaving, for choosing myself
Maybe it didn't affect you and maybe you didn't notice.
But saving myself was the best **** thing I did
God and am I glad
But on nights like this when I feel lonely
I think of what could have been
If that snow didn't sweep you away
the memories of us laughing that first year. And I thank you for not chasing after me.

It's late I know
2 am but I can't seem to go to bed
Thought of you just roam around
Stalling my escape for the night
It takes over me and I'm never in control
I want to eat
Go down stairs and eat
Maybe drink those drinks we always had
We were good at that
getting drunk for days
Drunk off our *****
But what use is it now
I have no one
It's a joke to think I was special
Why could we only have fun when we were both unconscious
It's fun to think what could have been
Or maybe just torture
either way it's fake
Cause you will never be able to show me
What you truly want
Or if you truly care
Without a sip of that drink
Those drinks we always had