The worst thing is not knowing
 how your going to feel in the morning
 a constant worry
 needing a new direction 
 not knowing were to go
 pretending often
 that I'm not bothered by my indecisiveness.
 Truthfully
 I have a hard time deciding if I really care at all.
 I know this makes me a burden,
 maybe a burden to much to bear ?

I've lost it
the emotion
tried searching
too far gone
backed up against a wall
in chains again
mind racing , panicking
only freed for a moment
air was invigorating
wishing I never had a glance

some days, I think about how much
I use to make you laugh
and it makes me smile
I wish I had told you

 End of thought

if I take this journey
I risk getting lost
but I may stumble upon a path
never walked before
if I become too weary
will find a stone to rest upon?
or will I carry on with my blooded feet
when I come upon that old bridge
will I dare walk along it's broken planks?
or will I find another way too cross
what new dangers lay upon an uncharted road?
it is an path I must walk alone

I wished I was more honest with you.
I valued your innocence and naivety.
When I think back to it I feel that was to my benefit.
Doesn’t mean I didn’t love you,
but maybe some of my intentions weren’t pure.
I know you cared and wanted grow
but the idea of you seeing me for who and how I’m really frightened me.
I didn’t want you to fly little bird
but I wanted you to be happy.
I don’t think I’m a bad person.
I I’m afraid of being alone and that thought persuades me to act in ways I hate. Insecurity is a monster especially if society tells you your suppose to be strong.
I see you flying now and it makes me smile a little but I can’t help but feel a little lonesome.

I'm starting to feel like
I enjoy just sitting around
and wasting away
I must right?
all I do is find a new outlet
to keep me distracted from
my real problems so I don't
have to face them
you know sometimes
most days
I wish I could just sleep all day
and trust
I don't like feeling this way
I've grown oddly complacent with everything
and its so much easier for me to to be angry
at the world
then look at this monster
of my own making
I feel like I'm falling
and can't catch myself
it's such a cliche thing to say
all I have is hope for a better day

life is a true work of art
apart from it’s imperfections
its mystique never lessens
The touch of the wind on my skin
reminds me to search for clarity
in moment’s of uncertainty
watching sunbeams dance
around whirling leaves
clouds floating like unrestrained dreams
I finally come back to an time
when I wasn’t afraid to fly among them
take this paint brush named ambition
and create new canvas titled redemption
life is an work of art, absurd and abstract
but we can only see the beauty of it
in light of that fact.