My body pulls to you like the
waves reach for the moon.
Every atom of my being shakes in
the absence of your energy.
Your face, so elusive, only caught in my memory.
Your feet leave no trace in the places you've been but your finger prints are still tattooed
onto my heart.

A touch so soft you wouldn't know unless you looked and saw for yourself.
Theres no camera to catch you
and thats where I get doubtful
that we were ever really there.
Yet I felt it. I felt the warmth of returning to the star dusts that I came from and the blistering cold after I drifted away.
The wind blows but I remained yours
no matter which way it took me.
Celestial beings with no more urge than to be whole. A brilliance I couldn't stand in when I was tarnished and bruised fruit that no one could manage to draw.

I picked up and hid away,
patched up the wounds
that left your hands ******
and tried to find a new way but
every road has led back to you.
Here I stand in the pouring rain,
boombox blasting about a pink cloud summer
that i'm certain you've already had without me.
So close the windows and drown me out
but if you think twice, please come down.

In my world,
I live in that movie.
I go to the shops
begging someone to speak to me.
All I find is mannequins
and blood *******
flesh eating
monsters.
In the outside world,
it's just my dog and I
and keeping those monsters
hands and nails from gripping onto us,
keeps us locked in a waste land.
Ive been looking for a cure,
a vaccine even,
but all I come up with is words
no one is listening to anyways.
A real cure would be a heart or conscious
but thats not something
that can be gifted or bought.
So I stand with those who
have known nothing but being fought,
I speak for those who only have racing thoughts,
for those who live in fear
and those who consistently miss a meal
cause those monsters are no sponsors
and they'd rather see you bleed
before they feed you.

Somethings changing.
I feel it in my stomach.
My lunch upheaves;
I have no idea whats coming.
The wind is shifting,
I'm changing with the seasons,
the foundation of this house is bending
and this chapter of my life is ending.
I lift my roots and jump into the wind.
Which ever way it takes me, I aim to win.
Dreamscapes are tragic,
being swallowed by a flood.
Its in my mind, i'm dying
but this is the most peaceful way to go.
Baptize the chastised
we are on our way to roads of gold.
Enlighten me, we are the all knowing
but who fuels the information that
my intuition is told?
Im praying to every god but especially to you.
I'm chanting sweet somethings
right up to the moon.
If the water keeps rising and I float at the top,
I'll keep elevating, I'll keep learning,
these things don't stop.
She is my heaven. She is my savior.
The prophecy is unfolding and
I swear I can save her
from those who throw lashings before throwing you in a tomb, you wont have to rise again if I can figure out what to do.
To save you from illness that took Prophet Mohammad. I will swim through dark waters, and climb the highest mountains to stop it.
Theres only two ways this could end
and one way is to begin.

I wish I knew what I knew now.
I wish I waited until I was more well.
I disturbed your peace and left you bruised when I knew better than to pursue so soon and what ensued wasn't meant to be in the books for us.
I still believe that true,
Im made for you as you are for me.
It was and still is destiny but I feel like
how I went about things was tragedy.
It's not your fault to have found a new solace.
But I never broke my promise.
I had things to take care of and I wish I let you help but it wasn't your inflicted trauma dealt,
it was someone else's.
It wasn't your problem to fix so I went into the abyss and you found a new misses just as quick as the time ticked and I admit I was angry.
Looked for a way to hit back
and that was dangerous.
It created the illusion of an untrue thing
and I simply wish I didn't.
It was always you and still is.
And I feel like it's only me left feeling this.
I lied once in all I told you and
every moment not yours has been blue.
I told you I didn't want any parts
but I truly wanted all of you.
I never wanted you to leave but
I had to make you believe because
I didn't feel like you deserved me in that state.
I am filled with almost hate.  
Never towards you even now
when things have been so obscured.
I know theres no cure. I just wish I was honest.
I wish I didn't decide the fate for you.
I always intended to come back because you said you'd never leave and you'd wait for me.
I couldn't expect that even though I did.
I guess I deserve this but I know my intentions.
The couple after you was forced.
The poetry was prompted and
in the back of my mind was always you.
I was used by them and I let them because unfortunately I had the same intention.
To cloud my weary mind of the one I left behind but desperately tried to grasp for.
So I live with this. It's been almost 2 years celibate and no matter how many times I try to let these
willing suitors in, I cant. Trust I tried.
To enjoy the ride but I can't count how many times I cried in the middle of the night laying beside one or on my own because they weren't you or
you weren't here and couldn't hear.
Theres no book thats helped,
"how to move on for dummies",
the funny looks I got when I said I wasn't hungry cause I barely even ate with you.
All the memories we never made.
The few I have stuck on replay.
The silence doesn't help.
The karmas been dealt.
How can I even be mad when
this is the reality I orchestrated.
I cant even be mad you didn't even
wish me a happy belated. Im jaded.
Almost self hatred.
A book left unfinished because I refused
that the ending was the ending.
So I sit in the late night and write you letters and I admit the past month has me sheltered and quiet. The dreams come nightly and I call myself crazy. Im hanging on a sip of hope that keeps me sated.
No one will ever be enough and I hate to say it.
We never even got to know what it would be like but in my soul I know we were/are fate.
How can I explain it? I cant.

This flood of rain water is enough for a baptism.
Blessed in the presence.
Its drowns out the thoughts and I hope it washes away the sins.
I repent.
I yell my wrong doings over the thunders rumbles and ask for forgiveness in my choices.
Theres no escaping this house as the rivers overflow.
I step foot in, the waters to my knees and I kneel in the presence of potential death.
The current pushes and pulls me.
I count to three.. three times before I completely submerge. one.. two.. three...
Im free.