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Inevitable Dec 2015
Christmas is in one week.
just praying I make it...
Inevitable May 2014
decided to Trust fall as she took a step back.
Inevitable Feb 6
My life expectancy is 27

I will be 23 in April and with March approaching fast all i want to do is

stop

We make up 1% of the world population.
approximately 77 million of us among the 7.7 billion

We make up 10% of the worlds sucde rates.
approximately 80,000 out of 800,000 cases per year

I am also a woman meaning i am 3x more likely in general to attempt.

I was never supposed to make it past 11 and now i'm pushing for 27

no

i'm pushing for tomorrow because 27 is much farther away and its much more realistic to make it to tomorrow than to make it to 27.
Borderline personality disorder awareness
7
Inevitable Jun 2016
7
You're my happiness and sadness
but lord knows you keep me sane

For when you are near, i can see clear
You're my clarity when standing in rain
Inevitable Jul 2014
Her lips are intoxicating.
Her body is hypnotic.
The way she speaks alone is simply symbolic.
Her words are for strength and unending devotion.
She took my heart and claimed it all with one slight motion.

The arch of her mouth and the show of that smile,
that one last kiss led me out of denial.
She's the love of my world, that seemed to tragic.
you started this fire burning, with just one matchstick.
So flimsy and fragile, like the day we first met.
That one single strike, easily had our hearts lit.
Inevitable May 2016
If mortality were more based off morality than the way things happen practically; things and emotion wouldn't come forth dramatically, the good wouldn't die young and the bad would die drastically.
AA
Inevitable Feb 6
AA
“don’t water down my love.
drink me straight, no chaser”

sorry, I don’t drink.
Inevitable May 2014
Many miles seems pretty far. But I'd go the lengths of the world to be where you are.

Lost in your actions. And hypnotized by the moment. I could've stayed right there, as long as I could own it.

I'm high off of you.. I could easily just jump and take flight. Take my hand and we can run away.. Unless.. You do in fact.. Plan to stay..
"And with all the mistakes I've made, you're still listenin'"
Inevitable Nov 2014
ice bath through my veins.
my chest caves in.
wrists bound in chains.

the tears flow.
I can't speak.
no one knows.
barely on my feet..

Heat wave.
trembles.
I can't be saved.
suffocation.
helplessness.
to my head, I'm slaved.
if you ever wonder what it's like
Inevitable May 2014
Drugs are enticing and exciting
She did it for the thrill, they were so inviting.

Pill after pill needle after needle
As she lit another j, she became more feeble

She kept her door locked along with her lips.
She wouldn't tell anyone, reality started to slip.

Theres no need to worry she did it all the time. She had no cares in the world and snorted another line.

This time wasn't like the rest, she was soon to know, like the older addicts, she was the next to go.

No one was aware how her mental would dip. She wasn't aware this was her last ******* trip.
Inevitable May 2014
Love is happiness, pain and thoughts of suicide. It's when two innocent peoples hearts collide. Still so young and unknowing of what lie ahead. And clueless to every word that they've ever said.

Not knowing what those words can do. They can catch your heart.. But tear it apart too. They tend to categorize what love your in. But whatever you say it is, it all comes to an end.

Wether it's a lie, a cheat or a steal, it all ends to soon against any deal. You said it'd be forever and always, but you soon become strangers to pass in the walkways. You say that you're over them, and soon enough you will be, but you constantly think of them and you know you loved undoubtedly.

After your first love, you're terrified. You don't want it again but you know you both tried.  

I'd say just throw your heart back out there, but I know it's hard. There is someone out there, you just don't know who they are.
Old from notes
Inevitable Apr 2014
There's a desire for those to feel your pain. To see if their action are matched, to prove you're sane. Or there otherwise to show you're wrong.. Instead of throwing someone else under the bus, it ends up being where you belong.  Share your story, let it be known. Actions speak louder than words so let them be shown. Silence itself can say so much on it's own.. Your heart speaks out, but let it speak slow.
Old from notes
Inevitable Jan 29
lovely flowers rooted in my lungs.
medicated exhales clouding the air around us.
i just want you in my space.
Inevitable May 2014
All my words come from reason. If not for you, they're for me, they give me something to believe in.
Inevitable May 2014
Live the life I lust for. I'll live vicariously through you.
Inevitable Oct 2014
I held her hand and she repeated after "I do".  I looked in her eyes and our lives started new. together as one.  our future ahead.  the children to come. to our happy ending, I led.

her hearts my home,
I awoke.
I wanna go back into a coma..
Inevitable Oct 2016
Wrapped around her finger
Metaphorically and physically
The way she looks in my eyes
Heavy breaths exhaling desire
Light reflects off the sweat on our skin
I take a hit off your hips
Inhale your passion
Trace your curves with the tips of my lips
Grip your throat delaying your breaths
A sudden gasp as I explore your love

Follow me into ecstasy
Inevitable Dec 2015
i may be a demon.
i honestly think we all are.

but its the person that exorcises you,
that shows you love and forces you to fall.
Inevitable Jul 2014
I got writers block somethin serious, like no other. But I'm ready to drown my feelings and put them down under. I just know I'm not letting my life get taken away from your conservative mother. Why can't she just take those beliefs and treat em like somethin to smother. I don't want you to leave and listen to her and go find yourself a brother. You are my calm, my rain, but all Im hearing is thunder.
Inevitable Oct 2014
that last kiss
that last text
that last look
I don't know
where to go
but right now
all I know is
you were wrong
this is right
save your words
save the fight
I'll leave it be
as for now
I'll close my eyes
and say goodnight.

you led me out of denial.
just writing
Inevitable May 2014
You're
just
a
sorry
***
excuse
for
a
human
being
Inevitable Dec 2020
You must've felt our tie break because you called right away. You tried to stick your hand back in the wound and found out it had already scarred over.
Inevitable May 2016
Hands trickle down your naked body like a soft morning mist.
Spreading your legs to expose your beauty.
Petals of your beautiful rose shine and welcome me.
Lookin deep into your eyes straight into your heart.
My tongue caresses your flower, sipping from your fountain.
Your body moves gracefully in pleasure.
Placing my hands on your hips to grip and lick...
Feeling you grip my tongue involuntarily as you climb to the point of ecstasy.
Gaining speed, grabbing on tighter.
Your body trembles wrapping your love in mine
expressing mine physically
Connected mentally
Her rain falls down ... Not a drop hits the sheets
Inevitable Jan 2016
she never read my poetry. matter of fact she never gave a **** about anything that did to me.
she never tried to learn me, every chance she had she was intentionally trying to burn me.
I started thinking about a quote I once heard.
you accept the love you think you deserve.
when in reality no one deserves less than the world.
I was killing myself mentally, making myself go through hell with this girl.
knowing she wasn't anything, literally, wanting to go back home, critically, missing home, physically, speaking out my *** potentially ruining any chance I had of coming back home.
I was home sick but I was sick of home.
my mind made up a whole story of it own,
made me hate her for doing things for reasons she didn't, saying things she wouldn't, hurting me on purpose..
she hurt me on purpose, but we both had guns. I pulled my trigger first and they both turned automatic.
rapid fire shots sending head shots every round.
yet we were still standing,
fighting for the one thing we knew that wasn't dead.
white flags waving we realized we were fighting for the same thing.
fighting to come back home.
for my home was her, as her home was me.
italicized home, her, and she are a different person than the "she" referred to in the beginging
Inevitable Jan 29
.shhh.....
I should still be behind them.
Inevitable May 2014
How is she?

how are we?*

What about me? Dead.
Inevitable Feb 6
I say I don't have a type
but you fit mine so perfectly.
dark and twisty.
a little too familiar.
Inevitable Feb 10
If you were the moon, i think you'd still pull the tide.

Actually, I feel like you'd push and pull and **** around and create a tsunami.

If you were the moon, i think you'd still light up my nights.

Actually, I feel like you'd come crashing through my sky as a ******* meteor.

If you were the moon, i think you'd still reflect the suns rays.

Actually, i feel like you'd have to admit it hurt; the ******* rays.

But if you were the moon, i think you would burn.

Actually, i feel like you'd validate that the sun burnt you and has left you but
still rises in the east to put you to rest.
The relationship between "star" and "moon".
Inevitable Feb 6
It hurts knowing you’ve said these words before. Are they different though?
because they’re said to me?
No
I couldn’t be that significant.
recycled words and metaphors <
Inevitable Sep 20
I talk to my therapist about a hypothetical girl.

but you’re not hypothetical at all.

I talk to my therapist about the good feelings more than the bad and I talk about how I think you got away.

My therapist talks to me.

She thinks i’m in an  
emotionally abusive relationship
i think she could be right

Then I think about you and how you are only a dream now. but

I talk to my therapist about you.
Inevitable Dec 2020
You've made your way through my veins like a hit of ******.
I'm undoubtedly high.

Take me by my hand and don't let me die.
I've seen the inside of lies and somehow when you speak I feel like you're incapable.

I've lost all hope and became hopelessly filled to the brim with you.

This isn't what I anticipated.
i took inspiration on the first line.
Inevitable Jan 2016
i used you as a crutch.
we were each others temporary soft touch.
i used you while you used me.
we both just wanted our ex to see.

feed me your lies while i shove mine down your throat.
you text me you want me then get wrapped in another guys coat.
i gave you the world, i was amazing, so you said.
but then right after saying you want no none but me, we're both is someone elses bed.

"I've got to talk to you" became a common phrase i heard.
is it cheating if the feelings are fake? the emotion blurred?
how is this a rebound if the ball was never shot?
we were never over our ex, so not a single one of those lies were bought.

i wanna say i'm sorry.
for playing you knowing where home was.
but to be honest, you played me harder.
you're a hell of an actor, here's your applause.
#j
Inevitable Sep 10
My karmic may have ruined my twin flame connection.
the angels have confused me but maybe because it was in your name.

she gave me the world and I left her with nothing near a goodbye to abide by you who stripped me down to nothing once again and left me with nothing and no one.

*i’m alone
Inevitable Dec 2020
we drive down these back roads and I get more lost in you after every turn.
I try not to glance over at you but I know there’s no return from this place i’ve stumbled across.
Let’s get lost.

This crowded mind is silenced by your scent.
a serenity. maybe peace?

Touch me.
your hand falls through me and caresses every jagged edge. Do you mean to?

You look even more beautiful under the moon light. Just you and I under the painted sky. Lost in this ever expanding galaxy. There’s so much more to the world than just us. But when i’m with you, there might as well not be another, i’m enveloped in you. signed sealed and delivered right into your hands.
Inevitable Apr 2014
Broken hearts and empty promises.

Eyes closed, minds tore wide open.

Hopes up, and I'm thrown down.

You left me again, without a ******* sound.
Inevitable Apr 2014
Everynight before I sleep, it's the same routine, I lay here with thoughts thinking what they all mean. I think about you and the memories are haunting, but then I think of us and it's so **** taunting. But tonight I'll change that as I lay in my bed, I'll close my eyes, bang bang, I'm dead. Cause the memories are like dreams, so easily forgotten, but if not forgotten they're nightmares and foughten. Cause I don't want to cry, I don't want you back, but I love you so much, but my mind seems to lack... What's it all mean? I guess I'll never know. Cause I swear I won't come back but I'm sure I'll stoop that low.... My hearts always yours but still completely torn. But my hearts on my sleeve where Its always been worn. I want you to take it, but I don't want no pain, I'm tired of wishing, I'm going insane... I thought we were perfect, but I couldntve been more wrong... I want it all back.. But I hope to god for not to long..
Inevitable Sep 2017
I used to hit to get high or hit to get by.
**** I'd hit just to lie next to another lie just to feel my next cry and wonder if it hurt to die.

I used to hit to get high or hit to get by. That love was where my motivation lied. I wasn't looking for a single love but multiple feelings of maybe appreciation or the approximation of someone wanting my affection or attention.

I used to hit to get high or hit to get by.
3 4 5 people in and out of my room never seeing the naked truth or naked you that one who said loved should see. All I knew is I wanted to be what they need and who they see without the loyalty.

I used to hit to get high or hit to get by.
The rush was amazing. The divide was encasing as the sin and lies overwhelmed and the curtain started raising...

I used to hit to get high or hit to get by.

I saw and sobered. Not from love but the addiction itself. I sobered from the urge that made me want more, in fact this love I felt was more in depth. In fact it crept and wept sweet tears and happiness. All I wanted was the one; I saddened less. I was what she needed along with the loyalty. I asked about her needs and wants and acted accordingly.

I used to hit to get high or hit to get by but now I comply to loves law. Abide in her soul. A love and devotion I am no longer able to control. Our love is almost story tale told. I no longer wait for another to unfold.
Inevitable Apr 2014
We think and we love and we go deeper without regret.
Until we let  out the truth and bet it's loves debt which is owed to us. Nothing's given. It's found.
Loves merely the quest that leaves us lost. Is this The moment you think you've been found?
Old from notes
Inevitable May 2014
Yet once again,
Rain came down to drown my sins
Inevitable Feb 2016
i swear to god if you take her away from me again
might as well take my life with hers

i’m tired of these up and down roller coasters
i’d rather take a ride in a hearse

if there ever comes an end to us,
i'll quickly throw my life in reverse.


this pain in my chest is all too common.
maybe is the fear of being forgotten.
or the fear of being left, metaphorically, in a coffin.

i hope this isn't part of some trick or lesson.
karmas a *****, i’ve had her too much in my presence.
you can tell by my expression there’s no feelings i’m oppressing, i’d simply fall into a depression without you by my side taking my sadness and suppressing, to be honest, without you id turn to aggression take my fate as a message, and put a gun to its head for leading my life in the wrong direction.
Inevitable Mar 12
you taste like cancer
and are equally as bad for me.
so why am I up in tears,
tasting you again,
quitting again?
Inevitable Jan 29
you recorded the ketchup smeared walls and broken glass shattered on the kitchen floor.

what you didn't record was your broken heart that you convinced yourself i caused.

you told me to clean up the mess i made.

and with that statement you took my heart and smashed it along with the condiments.

black and white details

I lied to you.

black and white detail

He lied to you.

but you believed a stranger over our 40 months of "love"

i think you intentionally burned me... but i guess you should know by now,

Inevitably,

you burned yourself.
Tea Time: long story short someone tried to say i attempted to be with them while in a relationship. i spoke to the person but only of my partner, all positive to further put but i lied when i said if i had spoke to them. but they lied and said i cheated. she believed them over me, took rings, moved out. ruined everything. i fought for months but was never treated the same and she never believed me. I gave up when she got with my only guy friend which is unforgivable for me, only for the person who lied to her about me to come forward a year later and admit he lied and asking for forgiveness. oh and shes in my phone asking for me back now. no thank you ^.^
Inevitable Dec 2015
I'll never forget how good you were with words
how your tongue cut sharp and spit and dripped with poetic justice.
I read your lines and watch your lips while mine are blurred, they slip my grip

I can't stand your imperfection.
you're a perfectly imperfect person perpetually portraying beautiful pain.
or maybe that's mine in the reflection of your eyes.
our love was filled with beautiful lies.
endless nights both us cryin, tryin, lyin awake, inevitably dying..

but then again who am I to fake cause all those nights I called fate. more like lessons we make then take and we thought otherwise but I bet everyone could relate.  we weren't a mistake. leaving eachother was the only one we made
" I'm just writing "
Inevitable Apr 2014
Tell me what I am, tell me what to do.. Or just tell me a lie, if it's better than the truth..Cause if my thoughts happen to be true, I'm sure I'd rather just die than to continue to fall for you..
Inevitable Jan 29
I've Always Loved words,
but when i try to write about you, i'm at a lack thereof

You Make my Poetry go quiet.
I'm Used to my mind being so loud
But now I'm Flourishing in silence .
Ive always loved you make poetry. Im used but im flourishing.
Inevitable Dec 2020
crowded halls of youthful minds searching for likeness in every body.
Surrounded and overwhelmed, the chemical imbalances, I think we all were suffering.
at 12 years old.

My memory of those years are faded but one thing stayed vivid through the years and that was you. mishandled misplaced mistreated and I can take blame.
You’re just as fragile as you were when you were 12.
but I’m much more stronger now at 22.
double my chances, I want to take part in you.
Inevitable May 2014
lives so carelessly..
grace and violence..
Try to fathom the truth..
has me in a trance..
Pours down.. washes it all away.
All in ways I wish my mind would..
Stand in the center.. Wash me away..
No worries. No pain..
Clear headed..
 It deserves more credit.
Simplest of thing can better your life as long as you let it.
Trying to write with writers block
Inevitable May 2014
You strum my heart in the most beautiful of ways. Like those sweet melodies you had sat and played. I felt my heart drop and the voices silenced. Yet all at the same times my feelings for you became requited.

That guitar sounded just about as beautiful as you looked that day.. I was lost in the music.. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't look away... I lost myself in you.
Inevitable Feb 5
You’re not a star.
You’re a moon
and
you’re caught in my orbit
with no stars in sight.
planets nor moons produce their own light
Inevitable May 2014
What is suicide when your soul has already died?
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