All alone
Scrolling through my phone
Unsatisfied with my heart
Want to rip it apart?
Go ahead
I’m just lying in bed
Listening to the echo of the chains in my mind
Holding me down, it’s harder to find
My joy or anything at all really
You see me as happy or silly
But I’m not “fine”
Look deeper you’ll see I’m dying inside
Words can’t hurt me ?
That’s a lie you see
I’m hurting from the wrong words
A sentence said by a jealous little bird
Ruined it all
I can’t help but fall
Deeper and deeper into the dark

Don’t open you mouth when your angry
You’ll regret it
Don’t mutter
It’s not ladylike
Don’t curse
You won’t be respected
Don’t talk about politics
You’re too young
Don’t talk about sexuality
It makes others uncomfortable
Don’t talk about your emotions
It’s selfish
Don’t cry while talking
No one will understand you
Don’t yell
No one will listen

Don’t just don’t
No one wants to hear your voice

Water flows
Just like our souls
Together at the start
But now we are split apart
I rebuild my walls
They feel empty, these halls
I feel worthless, alone
Now I’m just a clone
Empty, hollow
Now I just follow
Blood runs down the sink
And I’m to close to the brink
Of
Death

The maple trees
In the fall
Sets me free
Makes me think of it all
The stories
That tell
When the memories
Start to swell
Of that one
Lone
Maple tree

When you need them the most
It’s like they disappear

Most people have something to show
Something to be proud of
Awards
Medals
Certificates
Scholarships
Jobs
People they’ve met
Fame
Fortune
Love

The only things I have under my belt are
Scars
Hospital visits
Knowledge on how to hide blades and matches
Knowing my way around rules at “facilities”
Random facts about suicide rates
Knowing hundreds of painful and sad quotes off the top of my head
Heartbreak
Being overly knowledgeable on things like PTSD, depression and anxiety
ME teaching the professionals on mental health’s tricks and coping skills
Already knowing every single ******* thing THEY teach
Being able to get around the cops questions without any trouble
Being able to convince my friends and therapists I’m “fine” in a matter of minutes
Being able to cry without anyone noticing
Being able to change to subject so **** easily
Pain
Anxiety
And being able to recite every little ******* thing people have been trying to drill in my head my whole ******* life without a second thought

It’s sad maybe  even pathetic
When someone hurts me
I can honestly and genuinely say
Im used to it

You were the world to me
I just wish
You could’ve seen
You were enough for me

Don’t stare at me
Like I’m an oddity
Like I’m a freak
Like I’m a monster
Because I don’t need you to look at me like that
when I already know I am