Usually, waking up is
Like trying to crawl through
Razor wire while every
Bone in your body is screaming
At you to take a breather,
Because no matter what you do,
You will not be on time,
Ready to survive another day-
In five minutes.

I'm not sure if you understand
What it is like to have every
Single neuron in your brain
Speaking so loud you would think
You were at a show standing
In front of the speakers.

Living with depression and anxiety
Is difficult, my lack of motivation
Is only ******* by my fear
Of letting you down.
I am sorry that I can't
Show up smiling
Every morning.

I'm tired.

I do not like walls,
Too constricting.
I find myself scratching
At the raised corners
Of the wallpaper
Looking for a single crack
I can escape from.

I do however,
Love windows.

I am the literal definition
Of a complete and total disatser.
I stop breathing when
My books are out of place
On the shelves, or if I
Describe the wrong green
In a story.

I like to imagine the world
As a board game. Each decision
Leading me a space closer to when
My soul can rest and the past
No longer echoes in my ears.

Sometimes I trip over
Words and fall on my own
Tongue when I try to express
Myself as if I were the corner
Of the carpet in a dark room.

Other times Im manic.
And I will laugh like I belong
In an asylum because the words
On my heart will be too hard
To encompass with just a few sentences.

You my dear;
You bring all the chaos
In my head to a standstill.
You bear witness to the dark
And offer whatever light
You can to see a smile pressed into
My lips.

My mind never stops.
Always tossing me with the tide
Hoping somewhere I will
Find a direction worth following
All the way to the
End game.
Maybe I have finally figured out
How to get there.