When asked of my worth,
My general response was usually
Something along the lines
Of a used napkin.

I was never taught the value
Of a human life, so you can
See why my opinion of myself
Is low regard.

When I looked in the mirror,
I didn't see someone worthy
To share the sidewalk with my friends
When we walked to the store.

I didn't see that under the
Broken surface was a beautiful
Ruin waiting to be discovered
And restored to its former glory.

I didn't watch my laugh
Echo across rooms so loud
That others had to turn and
See who was deafening the audience.

I didn't see that my thoughts
On paper in the form
Of written word were
Making a difference.

I didn't know that I was making a difference.

I keep trying to
express my thoughts on paper,
but all I'm finding is your name
at the bottom of every page.

I am ******.
Beyond comparison because this,
was never my intention.

If I imagined seeing
your smile in the sunrise,
or your eyes and every shade of blue,
I never would have opened my mouth.

I can recall many moments
In life where point B
Was so far from the beginning
That it felt like whiplash.

Because a moment in your eyes
Is the guard rail
Holding me from the edge
But I crave the momentum
From the other side like an addiction.

Because over there
I can play your body like a bass drum.
I can play ecstacy
On your heartstrings if we only
Crashed tonight.

Darling I promise if you let
Your darkness out for only a second
It would meet me at the guardrail
For a moment in paradise.

I would sink my teeth into your soul
And tear your insecurities loose.
I would show you the dangers
In asking for this depravity.

Nothing good will come of this.
Yet you will never feel satisfaction
Like that again without me.

I never talk much about
The good things from my
Childhood. Not because
They never existed,
But because the bad
Just outweighed it.
I remember the trips
Home when we would
Stop at that roadside diner
Somewhere in Indiana.
Not that it was important for any
Reason other than their pancakes.
I remember having to share
With my siblings because
You only ever kept 50 dollars
On you for emergencies.
That memory stays with me
Because it's the only time
I remember you smiling.