I remember the long skirts and purple sunglasses
I remember the love I had for you
Hugging your legs when you come home
Thousands of miles away but still my role model
Reading you your Harry Potter books over the phone, not understanding the words
Writing letters to you wondering when you were coming home again
I remember you sleeping in my bed and watching movies up late
I remember the good, but you left me with a monster
No one to protect me, I had fight for myself
Maybe I was too naive back then to see the truth
To see the bottle that never left your hand
To see the damage you’ve done to yourself
I wish I did see, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt this much
I begged you to care for yourself, knowing if you didn’t you’d leave me again
But all you told me is everyone dies anyway
You killed me that day and washed away every ounce of innocence I had for you
You showed me a side, I didn’t have the opportunity to grow up with
You started to resemble my monster
Cold, heartless, selfish
You didn’t care that you hurt me
I can’t believe I was so stupid
You weren’t there for the hard times in my life, so why would you care
You weren’t even there for the good times
You didn’t try
To consumed in yourself and the men that captured your attention
You’d choose them over me, I know it
Now the hole inside me has worsened and I can’t stop it
I stay up reminiscing and wishing to be naive again, but I can’t run away from the truth
I can’t make you care
I can’t make you love yourself
I wish I could
I wish I didn’t feel like it’s hard to get up every day or have a weight on my shoulders that makes me want to fall to my knees
I wish I felt more than this
You’ve made me feel inadequate and not good enough
But you’ve never even cared to know me
The real me
But what I think hurt the most was realizing the person I loved didn’t even love me in the first place
It was all lies
I don’t have anyone, not even my sister