It’s ironic,
The gift Ive been told I have.
The quote is that everyone wears a mask to hide their true colors,
Throughout my life I’ve been known to be the cause of people showing their true colors.
I always thought this was a dark gift, I don’t like losing people.
Growing up I never understood why & now I’m older I see the benefit of it.
The thing is I don’t do anything, I am comfortable in myself and that makes people uncomfortable.
I speak my mind and say what I feel knowing fully well I can be rejected for anything.
Granted I know my limits, the irony is I try to be as honest as I can be.
And voila, it never fails.
They all blame me for their own reasons,
I laugh because they dig their own graves.
I observe and I try not to forget important things because a lie is easy to catch.
And when you catch them in that lie, they all react the same.
The denial, the anger, the need to play victim to everyone else.
Then comes the silence, and then ego steps in because of how insecure they really are.
It’s a dangerous gift I always thought,
Mainly because I know people do get hurt, people I care about.
In the end I am blamed, unlike them I try not to bring up their past mistakes as they do to me.
As they scratch & claw for anything to turn it around on me.
It hurts still yet I can’t just react that’s never a good thing, but there were times I really wanted to.

Two completely different individuals who are destined to destroy in one way or another.
A dangerous union,
Many have warned about the coming calamity.
One will have praises & the love of many.
The other will have been broken & battered.
One has the heart of a lion yet piously flawed.
The other who’s lived a life as all lone wolves do, hanging on.
A reminder of characters from the tale of Fire & Ice.
One lives their life as if nothing happened,
After they’ve betrayed, lied, laughed & poetically killed the other.
Broke their spirit & destroyed what soul they had left.
In the end the pious lion always goes on & tells the tale of how they were always innocent.
Stalking their next prey,
Yet somehow their forked silver tongue always let’s them get away.
A long list of now broken naive people,
A pile of broken hearts & shattered dreams.
All for one’s ego.
Little did they know that maybe just one would be their greatest mistake.
That one person becomes the monster of their own design,
Now truly there is one who became more than just prey.

It hurt seeing your face…
Hearing your laugh…
Knowing that I know I hurt you many times, choosing someone else who doesn’t even know what it means to truly care for someone.
The distance I’ve put between us is because I know I keep hurting you.
You try,
To explain how it’d better to be in each other’s lives.
Yet I can’t.
I’ve done too much hurt to you and it usually doesn’t work.
Maybe one day I don’t know.
I do know that I love you,
I always have.
Yet the universe always has the best timing.
You’ll always be the bestest friend, the girl I fell in love with.
The girl that no one can compare to.
And also the one I don’t deserve.
I hope you find the man who will not just take care of you but will see you as I always have,
Not a broken girl with a torn up past but someone who’s heart is on her sleeve and so much more.
Our families don’t even understand why I can’t be with you, all I can do is hope one day they do

I will make them all regret the day they turned their backs on me.
I will rise above more than they could ever accomplish.
I do not believe that the gods have protected me from death numerous times just so I live a small pathetic life like they all wanted me to.
In one way or another they’ve all tried to make me into their own perceptions.
They all have their ideas of me, yet they all made the mistake that they know me.
Or know what they’ve created,
How much I’ve let happen because I believe that people can care about you.
It’s a disgusting lie they tell themselves.
The truth is I was the fool for telling them parts of me that they ultimately used for their own gain.
I’ve been belittled, degraded, betrayed.
I am the fool,
Because I believe their disgusting lie.
Now they will regret it.
They will wish they were better than the **** they are.
And this time when they cry for their losses and their pain deep down I hope they know,
I was always the one who tried to protect them.
No more.
By all the gods I pray for vengeance, revenge.

She asked me why I don’t want to be in a relationship,
I replied that it wasn’t her fault.
I’ve been told for two straight years how terrible of a person I am,
How nothing I do will ever matter.
I’ve been told that I am not smart, I don’t know what I’m doing.
And a lot more, the problem is I believed her.
I believed her because I loved her.
And that did more damage.
I don’t trust myself or anyone.
How can I?
Her only reply is so simple and so sweet,
“When you’re ready I’m here, until then I hope I can show you that she was wrong. Because I see so much more. I love you even when you don’t love yourself I love you.”
And everyday since she’s told me that she’s definitely kept that promise.
It’s hard, most days I don’t talk to anyone yet she still checks on me.
That’s something that I never got before,
All I can say I don’t deserve her but everyday I hope to be the best I can for her and for me.

“Hey you’ve been distant today, btw I swung by your aunts and your sisters today said hey, they said they miss you. Also yes I posted a pic to Snapchat for the first time in awhile cuz didn’t want you to forget my goofy *** face. I’ll bug ya later. I love you”
It’s the little things that make the difference,
She understands that I’m working on getting my GED and hopefully a good job before I join the military.
Idk she’s different, no rush and no worries.
Just understanding and patience,
It’s something new

And there it is,
The dream again.
We meet at a public place,
You’re hiding your face and giggling.
And that smile, oh that beautiful dangerous smile.
We have our laughs and goof off.
When we decide to leave to go somewhere else,
As I turn around from walking backwards saying something to you,
Thats when the unknown person plunges the knife deep in my chest.
At first I don’t feel the pain,
Just the pressure.
Everyone around us screams and I stand there,
You are mortified.
Whoever this unknown person is,
Pulls the knife out with such rage then the gun comes out.
Gut shot.
That’s when the pain hits.
Then I wake up.