find me nestled between
genesis & revelation
i can be your beginning
or i can be your end
meditate on your approach
i only react
based on what i am given
to work with

The acceptance
Of your transition
Was solidified
When you told me
Grandpa came
To visit you
In your dreams
I knew it
Would not be
Easy
I just had to
Maintain
In between
My greatest
Inheritance
Was the strength
You gave
To me
Little did
I know
I was preparing
To go into
Battle
A portion
Of my purpose
Was meant to
Rattle
The monotony
Transcend the mundane
Shake it up
Add some color
To what was normally
Plain
Many mornings
I prayed
Many nights
I laid
Before my own
Altar
Awaiting an answer
A resolution
To my agony
There was always
Threat of
A tragedy
A warrior
I was
A warrior
I am
A warrior
I will be
God
Renewed
My vision
So I can now
Help others
To see
Sight is not
Limited to just
Our eyes
Sight
Is gifted to
Those who
Realize
Forces of darkness
Will try
But can never
Harness
Those who
Continue
To fight
Even when
They are tarnished
Those who
Break themselves
Open
In order
To provide
Light
In abandoned
Places
Those willing
To shine
On forgotten
Faces
Evil is forced
To scatter
When LOVE
Confronts hate
It no longer
Matters
The strength
Bestowed
Upon me
Came through
You
Who was the conduit
Fruits of The Spirit
Effortlessly
Grew in your garden
Always in abundance
Never lacking
When it came time
To harvest
As you entered
Each gate
Leading you back
Home
To the New Jerusalem
I was reminded
Of those
Before me
The mighty warriors
I came from
I was reminded
Of who
I am

his words are like honey
slow and sweet
sticking to your ear drums
seeping into your brain
but at some point
they turn sour
too bitter
to replay

his minuscule amount
of jealousy
seems playful
at first
before it erupts
only to rival pompeii

his fist
punches the wall
that eventually becomes
your face
layers of pancake mix
can barely cover
the pain

yet your deepest wound
is intrinsic

i love you so much
to life not to death
please baby
here me when i say...
GET OUT!

I go to sleep
Hoping to see you
In my dreams
Missing you
Is a subtle way
Of putting it

It takes
Time
Trying to do it
Right
The disappointments
The continuous
Struggle
Often diminishes
My sight
But I know
In my soul
I am bound
For a better life
I know I will
Ascend to
Higher heights
I have no idea
When or
How
But I will never
See my dreams
Turn into
My reality
If I give up now

Is this an
Actual explanation?
Or heightened
Trepidation
Surrounding
Hounding
Me
I feel good
Depending
On the hour
The minutes
The seconds
Turn tides
Like Fundy
Clouds try
To drown
Out my sunny
Days
Making moves
Steady making
Waves
Why am
I so insecure
Somehow I'm
An Aries
Ain't that
Peculiar
Sick and tired
Of signing these
Dotted lines
Not superficial
I'm just trying
To make
The climb
Feels like
Logically I'm
Not running
Out of time
….
I just feel
A little
Behind
Not trying
To romanticize
Sadness
Or be too
Dramatic
I suppressed
It all for years
Now I find
Myself in a
State of madness

somehow you have
climbed inside of me
and festered
infecting me
with this thing
called love
as i resisted
you persisted
breaking down my walls
of generational curses
healing
every trauma
i had withstood
you understood
that beneath the surface
i was a soul
whose intentions
were good

was i the toxic person
in your story?
did you mistake my intentions?
i now see the error in my ways
i want to right my wrongs
will you forgive me?

room 109
is where
i await
for your key
to unlock
the door
i hate having
to meet you
like this
but neither
of us
can afford
to be caught
for a few moments
of pleasure
we forget
about each other’s
lovers
it’s beyond complicated
i hate it
sometimes
i think we are
making up
for past lives
where we almost
had it all
i am done
chasing you
for another lifetime
this is it
this is all i have
to offer
this is all
you can afford
to reciprocate
i accept it
with resentment
my pleas
for commitment
are met with
rejection
never once
did i state
i desired perfection
....i just
wanted admiration
public displays
of affection
dinner dates
movie nights
monogamy
game nights
where i let you
win monopoly
a title
some credit
i am so sure
about you
meanwhile
you second guess
my existence
you second guess
your own
this love is
dysfunctional
unconventional
exasperating
but it’s all i have
it’s all i want
you are all
i need
and you
refuse to
accept that
despite the
endless confirmations
you call
i run
i call
you walk
either way
we eventually
meet
and i cherish
all of it
i cherish
all of it

it has started
the beginning of
the end
the end of what
should have been
over
the beginning of
a new beginning
one that will bring
us peace
once the storm passes
the flood
has lasted well beyond
40 days
only the harvest
can follow

an unforeseen pain
a burst of misery
potentially fatal
this hurt cannot be described

echoes of death ricochet
children wail
to no avail
fathers lay lifeless
mothers fight
not only
for themselves
but more so
for their children
where is God?
who exactly is
God?
in this moment
we are unsure
we have no clarity
for all we know
God
Is the Heaven
And
Hell
we experience
simultaneously
God may be
two sides
of the same coin
good
and
bad
in these moments
these seconds
that last lifetimes
God is
All of the above

always been a lone wolf
howling at a full moon
wondering will i find
my lover soon

always been the best man
have yet to be the groom
please baby
get here by noon

i dream about you
but i never see your face
whenever i think of you
my heart begins to race

been searching all over the place
but is it you i really want
or do i just enjoy
the chase ?

I touch
The tip of Antarctica
As I navigate
Through your heart
Ice caps
Remain unmoved
Solidified
To the surface
Having spread
Gradually
Over the years
Covering
The sea of insecurity
And fears
How did you
Become the glacier
That stands before me
Was this your intention?
Is this your best condition?
Are you willing
To melt with me?
Or stay planted
In the same
Position…

we are
ONE
we are
unique
we are also
one of many
our presence is needed
for the greater good
love your neighbor
become selfless not selfish
healing
a new earth
will not come to pass
until we polish
the golden rule

Something told me
To drive to your
House
Instead of calling
When I met you
Downstairs
I could tell
You were stalling…
Not sure if
We were in love
But I was
Certainly falling
Then I hit
The ground
I shattered
And still I rose…
That all that
Matters
Now you try
To come back
Around
Such a clown
I’m sorry that
Your mother
Let you down
I’m sorry that
Your father
Was nowhere
To be found
But just because
You have wounds
Does not mean
You can prey
On the ones
That YOU pursue
You are not
Immune to
The truth
Our house
Of love
Was almost
Finished
It just needed
A roof…
Just as a hand
On the stove
Burns
Sometimes
It takes
Heartache
To learn

searching for home
we found it in each other
a refuge in the midst of mayhem
love in a time of hate
trump's america
this love blooms
it continues to flourish
it continues to demolish
the walls we have built
to protect ourselves from peril
this love
our love
will save us
in the same way big mama's
jesus is said to
our passion is the savior
we have been awaiting
the second coming
all have anticipated
lies within us
it has been on the horizon
all along

i met him on a tuesday
he became my meantime
in between time
after work
before work
i had to have a hit
his scent was
the perfect balance
of ***** and shea butter
a proud igbo man
through him
i connected to the motherland
through him
i almost disconnected from reality

find me
find me
find me
so i can
find myself
i been alone
for so long
that i forget
i am
actually human
almost despondent
numb
full of sorrow
awaiting for
a new tomorrow
running against the wind
seeing who is faster
daydreaming of
my happily ever after

it is astounding
how you taste so good
but offer me no
real nutritional value
no real benefit
i just sop you up
without hesitation
without any inquisition

i cannot help
to bounce when
i walk
i cannot dilute
the sugar in my talk
i cannot erase the
slight sway
in my hips
or the honey
that seems to drip
from my lips
the people
turn and stare
enamored by
my curly hair
it took me
lifetimes to accept
the beauty inside
that society rejects
i keep the voodoo
in my back pocket
while storing
lustful attention
in my locket
many beg to love me
few dare to rise
to the occasion
i wonder how
i was gifted with such
persuasion

convulsions
overtake me
stirring my spirit
inciting me
to call you
in hopes
that you invite
me over
we have been
long overdue
for a
conversation
a conversation
with no words
nobody has
been able to
reach me
the way you
have
nobody has
had access
to do so
i don’t even
drink henny
anymore
but with you
i finish half
of the bottle
you are my paramore
you are my only
exception

Be careful
Of the angle
You choose
To pierce
Through
Not every
Wound
Heals as fast
As you have
Grown to
Expect
Your intentions
Are good
Yet
You are oblivious
To the privilege
You carry
Subconsciously
Unknowingly
Well
There is an air
Of confidence
You possess
That makes
Many
Bow down
It is only
A costume
To you
Those closest
To you
Know the
Real you
The sad thing
Is
Deep down
You know
Already
Know the
Real you
Too

I became accustomed to
Being the savior
Being the healer
Being whatever you needed
Offering my body
For you to act out your
Passion and anger on
Often times when we made love
I felt an unbalanced mixture
Of both emotions
Fluctuating between my femininity & masculinity
Whatever you needed, I was
Soft when you were in distress
Hard when you needed a reminder
That I was still a man
The passion caused me to stay
The anger caused me to drift away...

do you know
of the true power behind
your name?
or do you rely
on fame?
although you have
a mattress
you have no bed frame
clarity is something
you cannot seem to find
it routinely
disturbs your peace of mind
do you find your prayers
remain unanswered?
no shade to Tina
but you reduce yourself
to a private dancer
sliding down the pole
of iniquity
quickly
as soon as the high
wears off
you aim for the sky
and never reach the clouds
snorting lines
upon lines
upon lines
of melodramatic mania
speeding
needing
attention
dialing for help
in search of suicide prevention
naive to the fact
that hell is not
a place you will see
when you die
naive to the fact
that you are already there

There is a
Sharpness
Traveling
From my
Head to
My heart
A memory
That has
Been unlocked
An image
Of who
I could have
Been
Had I not
Been blocked
Involuntarily
From being
Who I was
Meant to
Be
I feel a sense
Of mourning
Who I was
And resenting
Who I am
I could have
Had it all
I could have
Been the
Belle of the
Ball
But instead
I veered into
A dark
Garage
Until I finally
Chose to
Hit a wall
I could not
Take anymore
I can not
Stay in this
Place anymore
How does one
Reclaim their
Time
I could have
Been memorizing
Lines
I could have
Gotten my shine
I could have
Been in my
Prime
No flop era
I could have
Had
A home
On the
French Riviera
It’s not fair
But I must
Rise to the
Occasion
I must learn
How to have
Patience
I just wish
That my life
Was a daily
Vacation

I shimmied my way
Down the coastline of California
And somehow ended up
In Quebec
I thought I was headed
In the right direction
But my compass lied
Just like you have done
Repeatedly
Just as I have done
Subconsciously
It is time for me
To divorce myself
From illusions
It is time I accepted that
This smoke is a warning
Of a fire

what was once pure
has now been disturbed
what was once beautiful
has now been distorted
what was once honest
has now been corrupted
the tide has turned
joy has been disrupted
at one time bliss runneth over
now unrelenting scorn has erupted

I thought
You would
Leave me
Alone
Was that too
Much to ask?
I know we have
Been together
For a long time
Time does not
Always heal
Time does not
Always reveal
What is hidden
Beyond the
Veil
Time does not
Mean love
Which is what
I was in
Search of
What is what
I have
Now found
In many aspects
Of my life
As of right now
**** here
We go again
Arguing
Being combative
With each other
I am the first
To admit that
I do not know
Everything
What I do know
Though
Is I am right
I am right
As the
Moon at night
I am right
You know it
Which is why
You bicker
And nag
At me
Consistently
Trying to
Disrupt my
Happiness
My peace
My present
You manage
To ruin
Moments of
Clarity
You are my
Worst nightmare
My greatest
Fear
But you are
Always
Wrong
I am powerful
Not helpless
I am growing
No longer
Small
The part
I played
For so long
I can be
In need
And indeed
Still be
Powerful
I am all
Of the things
I run towards
And all
Of the things
I run from
I am
All
I always
Was
I am right
I always
Was

It’s like
Our worlds
Merged
Colliding
While yielding
To each
Other
A strange
Dance
Where
Turmoil
Strikes
Oil
Transforming
Into
Somethi­ng unknown
Something
Nobody has
Ever grown
At least
Successfully
Some say this
Is the recipe
For a catastrophe
But we have
The capacity
To defy
The constrictions
Resulting
From baseless
Fears
Fear
Of the end
Being near
Fear
That one
Day the
Vision
Will become
Clear
Confirming
Our theories
While revealing
The lies
Allowing
Us to
Become
One with
The sky
The sun
Follows
The moon
The sky
Is
No longer
A ceiling
For
You
And
I

Shove me aside
In attempts to
Retain your pride
Your actions
Speak louder
Than your words
Your actions
Negate everything
I have ever heard
The lies
The denial
I feel as if
You are always
On trial
And I am the prosecutor
I thought you were
A righteous suitor
One who could
Be trusted
One who I
Lusted
After
When in reality
You are nothing more
Than a skilled crafter
Leading me on
With fictitious
Images of
Our happily ever after
I laid there
I stayed there
For far too long
To think I
Willingly composed
The notes of my
Swan song
Chose to
Ignore
Everything that was
Wrong
Attempting to rectify
What I should have
Never
Multiplied
Fearing that love
Would not be
Duplicated
Settling for
Your lazy love
Which always left
Me frustrated
So I say
To myself
Cry love cry
Although this is
The right decision
I know it
Hurts to say
Goodbye

the couples go out
enjoying each other
taking it all for granted
that the freedom
they have is not
given to everybody
where is my help at

so skilled at throwing
them in my back
but terrible at
pulling them out
the knives
you force into my spine
do not
paralyze me
i have become
immune
i can still walk
i will still walk
this resilience
is ordained

They say our secrets make us sick
Well baby I’m about to **** you
Honesty is a concept you’ve yet to grasp
So you live in the dark
& cannot face the light
Cause you know you ain’t right

I run the road
Beat the street
Cruise for another
Looking for me

Searching high and low
For it is only in
The moonlight
That I seem to glow

Seedy places
Repugnant bars
With too many
Empty faces

Matching their soul
The type of people
Looking for a solution
In a glass or a bowl

*******
Mary Jane
The darkness is endless
I wish I could explain

the need to escape
is beyond real
much like the struggle
this place is hazardous
a threat to my health
mentally & physically
i was never fulfilled here
although i had spells of hope
i soon began to realize
there was nothing at the end
of this rainbow
just fool's gold
keep your counterfeit
smiles to match the counterfeit dollars
you attempt to pay me with
i'd rather be paid in trident layers
than to fake another day
in this place
that is consumed with an invisible fire
it is a travesty that you are immune to the same flames
that will lead to your eradication

you make
me feel
like
this song
by
The Emotions
light
happy
at peace
you make
me feel
like love

moments like these
full of teeth and laughter
are as close as i will get
to Heaven
i never forget to
honor the blessings
that you embody
not everybody has this
not everybody knows what this is
this is home

he has had enough
yet he longs for 1 last
touch
is that asking for too much?

has his lust become a crutch?
has his morality met its finality?
does he know when to stop?
or does he crave being on top?

questions, questions
many to be asked
none to be answered
it is his show

i am just the dancer

will you promise to
take the pain away
i need a solid yes
i heard you are more
than capable
but....
i hear you are dangerous
an acquired high
an ultimately ferocious ride
i just want to feel the numbness
the euphoria
the bliss
for this feeling
i am more than willing
to gamble
with my life
life always takes a gamble
on me
two can play this game
call me vivica

i dug up the plants
you forced me to tend to
turns out
they were just weeds
absorbing the water
that would have
actually created
my garden

bloom
where there is
room
or bloom
where you need
to?
that is the question
i already know
the answer to

it was you all along
i thought it was me
i apologized profusely
my cries were ignored
you blamed me
i did too
drove myself to the brink of insanity
so often that i knew
the back roads
all along
it was you

She stayed with
a church hat on
and peppermint candy
in her pocketbook
a razor next to her *****
flashy yet classy
cheetah or leopard print
on the off days
her voice transported
all who heard it
back to kinston, north carolina
with a mouth full of either
***** or green tea
she was an anomaly
she was a blessing
a woman who
stayed awake
to ensure her children
and their children
and their children
would have sweet dreams
dreams that would become
their reality
she was joy personified
unconditional love
i knew her
i loved her
i am her
for she is
within me
i owe her
nothing less than
undying strength
the same strength that
brought her from
the rural banks of kinston
to the cracked sidewalks
of watts
to her own home
in compton
to her final days
in the california desert
the same strength
that carried her back
home
to the loving arms
of God
and her rightful place
in Paradise

Am I handsome
Am I pretty enough
Am I doing
Am I saying too much
I can only be me
But the me
They see
Is a lot
To deal with
I still got baggage
I need to sit & heal with
Meditate
Contemplate
On society
And their standards
Of this thing called “beauty”
I cannot fit into its standard box
If you cannot love me entirely
You need to kick rocks
Cause I’m a lotus
Who grew in this world
Of hard knocks

come from a line
of down south negroes
who made sorrow
taste like mangoes
one of a kind
heroes
that continue
to show me
where to go
grandma was a planner
grandfather was a gambler
big mama was a handler
grandaddy was a scammer
she was a go getter
he could be a killer
when necessary
against much opposition
they decided to
marry
drowning out
the cries
of both sides
why was it
other people’s concern
they were not the
ones who had
to learn
a life
they built
together
many riches
they hoped
to earn
doll loved daddy
daddy loved doll
maybe they were
supposed to be together
after all

paper can be made
without having to cut my trees down
out of laziness
you are eager to obliterate
what God made

The moment I realized
I could no longer differentiate
Between my lover and God
Was the first step
In this process of elimination
One must first admit
That they have a problem

leave the bone in
tonight baby
at least for a moment longer
take it out
whenever you get ready
boneless just ain't the same

Knee deep

I stepped into the water

Not as a form of surrender

Rather an expression of my power

I could no longer stand

Staying on your ship

Therefore I had to leave

You said leaving

Would be the death of me

Death would be euphoric

Opposed to the torment

I would continue to suffer

At your hands

If I decided to stay on board

In this moment

I rise

Only to sink

Meeting God

While ridding myself

Of the devil

That you are

The demons you attempted

To bestow upon me

Experiencing my final baptism

Knowing that

I am sacrificing my flesh

The oxygen in my lungs

I will finally be free

A slave no more

A slave no more