you make
me feel
like
this song
by
The Emotions
light
happy
at peace
you make
me feel
like love

I thought
You would
Leave me
Alone
Was that too
Much to ask?
I know we have
Been together
For a long time
Time does not
Always heal
Time does not
Always reveal
What is hidden
Beyond the
Veil
Time does not
Mean love
Which is what
I was in
Search of
What is what
I have
Now found
In many aspects
Of my life
As of right now
**** here
We go again
Arguing
Being combative
With each other
I am the first
To admit that
I do not know
Everything
What I do know
Though
Is I am right
I am right
As the
Moon at night
I am right
You know it
Which is why
You bicker
And nag
At me
Consistently
Trying to
Disrupt my
Happiness
My peace
My present
You manage
To ruin
Moments of
Clarity
You are my
Worst nightmare
My greatest
Fear
But you are
Always
Wrong
I am powerful
Not helpless
I am growing
No longer
Small
The part
I played
For so long
I can be
In need
And indeed
Still be
Powerful
I am all
Of the things
I run towards
And all
Of the things
I run from
I am
All
I always
Was
I am right
I always
Was

i had to
get out of
there
before i
drowned
in the desert
having
swallowed
enough dirt
back to back
i was drowning
so deep in
the depths
of the desert
i craved
for water
the water i
held on to
afraid to release
the water
i was
searching for
came to
the surface
it poured
out
reviving
the barren
valley
bringing back
the greenery
it was once known
for
the greenery
it had not
felt in
so long

Be careful
Of the angle
You choose
To pierce
Through
Not every
Wound
Heals as fast
As you have
Grown to
Expect
Your intentions
Are good
Yet
You are oblivious
To the privilege
You carry
Subconsciously
Unknowingly
Well
There is an air
Of confidence
You possess
That makes
Many
Bow down
It is only
A costume
To you
Those closest
To you
Know the
Real you
The sad thing
Is
Deep down
You know
Already
Know the
Real you
Too

Is this an
Actual explanation?
Or heightened
Trepidation
Surrounding
Hounding
Me
I feel good
Depending
On the hour
The minutes
The seconds
Turn tides
Like Fundy
Clouds try
To drown
Out my sunny
Days
Making moves
Steady making
Waves
Why am
I so insecure
Somehow I'm
An Aries
Ain't that
Peculiar
Sick and tired
Of signing these
Dotted lines
Not superficial
I'm just trying
To make
The climb
Feels like
Logically I'm
Not running
Out of time
….
I just feel
A little
Behind
Not trying
To romanticize
Sadness
Or be too
Dramatic
I suppressed
It all for years
Now I find
Myself in a
State of madness

Before the world
Robs me of
My dreams
I must put
Up a fight
I cannot
Allow it
To steal
My joy
Without
A fight
I cannot
Help that
I seem
To shine
This bright

It’s like
Our worlds
Merged
Colliding
While yielding
To each
Other
A strange
Dance
Where
Turmoil
Strikes
Oil
Transforming
Into
Somethi­ng unknown
Something
Nobody has
Ever grown
At least
Successfully
Some say this
Is the recipe
For a catastrophe
But we have
The capacity
To defy
The constrictions
Resulting
From baseless
Fears
Fear
Of the end
Being near
Fear
That one
Day the
Vision
Will become
Clear
Confirming
Our theories
While revealing
The lies
Allowing
Us to
Become
One with
The sky
The sun
Follows
The moon
The sky
Is
No longer
A ceiling
For
You
And
I

I don’t
Drink wine
Often
At least not
Like I used to
When I am
With you
I feel no
Need to
Speed
I take
My time
Staring at
You
With
Admiration
And
Anxiety
You lead
Me to
Intoxication
While
Being in
A conscious
State of sobriety
You bring
My flowers
To the surface
You make me
Nervous
I find myself
With an inescapable
Feeling of
Service
Not like
I am indebted
To you
Or feel
Threatened
By you
But maybe
I do
You are
Too good
To be
True
But
Something
In my soul
Tells me
You
Are the
Truth

Slow down
Little one
You have
Already won
Just keep walking
And talking
And praying
All while
Staying true
To who you
Are
Trust in yourself
And you will
Go far
Shine like
A star
High in the
Sky
You will
Not let
Life pass
You by
You will be
Born again
And loved
For what’s
Within
Slow down
Little one
The earth will
Turn
The skies
May cry
But you
My little one
You are eternal
You
Will never die

There is a
Sharpness
Traveling
From my
Head to
My heart
A memory
That has
Been unlocked
An image
Of who
I could have
Been
Had I not
Been blocked
Involuntarily
From being
Who I was
Meant to
Be
I feel a sense
Of mourning
Who I was
And resenting
Who I am
I could have
Had it all
I could have
Been the
Belle of the
Ball
But instead
I veered into
A dark
Garage
Until I finally
Chose to
Hit a wall
I could not
Take anymore
I can not
Stay in this
Place anymore
How does one
Reclaim their
Time
I could have
Been memorizing
Lines
I could have
Gotten my shine
I could have
Been in my
Prime
No flop era
I could have
Had
A home
On the
French Riviera
It’s not fair
But I must
Rise to the
Occasion
I must learn
How to have
Patience
I just wish
That my life
Was a daily
Vacation

It takes
Time
Trying to do it
Right
The disappointments
The continuous
Struggle
Often diminishes
My sight
But I know
In my soul
I am bound
For a better life
I know I will
Ascend to
Higher heights
I have no idea
When or
How
But I will never
See my dreams
Turn into
My reality
If I give up now

Something told me
To drive to your
House
Instead of calling
When I met you
Downstairs
I could tell
You were stalling…
Not sure if
We were in love
But I was
Certainly falling
Then I hit
The ground
I shattered
And still I rose…
That all that
Matters
Now you try
To come back
Around
Such a clown
I’m sorry that
Your mother
Let you down
I’m sorry that
Your father
Was nowhere
To be found
But just because
You have wounds
Does not mean
You can prey
On the ones
That YOU pursue
You are not
Immune to
The truth
Our house
Of love
Was almost
Finished
It just needed
A roof…
Just as a hand
On the stove
Burns
Sometimes
It takes
Heartache
To learn

Colder than Detroit
I’m losing my voice
I know I can
Leave
But do I really
Have a choice?
We have become
So interwoven
I try to say
The words
But I keep
Choking
I..
I…
I…
Need something new
I need to leave
You
What once worked
Is broken now
I tried to fix
This
I tried to remix
This
It’s too far gone
Hope is lost
The longer we
Linger
The greater the cost
The damage is done
We had our fun
We saw the sun
Every time
Trouble came
We would run
Changing our address
Changing our numbers
Now we are encumbered
Ravaged
There’s no possibility
Of repair
I should have been
Prepared
Yet I find myself
In a state of despair
You promised
To take care
Of me
You were supposed
To be
The one for me
The waves in my sea
The home
I longed to be
Although
This was inevitable
It still feels
Unforeseen

The acceptance
Of your transition
Was solidified
When you told me
Grandpa came
To visit you
In your dreams
I knew it
Would not be
Easy
I just had to
Maintain
In between
My greatest
Inheritance
Was the strength
You gave
To me
Little did
I know
I was preparing
To go into
Battle
A portion
Of my purpose
Was meant to
Rattle
The monotony
Transcend the mundane
Shake it up
Add some color
To what was normally
Plain
Many mornings
I prayed
Many nights
I laid
Before my own
Altar
Awaiting an answer
A resolution
To my agony
There was always
Threat of
A tragedy
A warrior
I was
A warrior
I am
A warrior
I will be
God
Renewed
My vision
So I can now
Help others
To see
Sight is not
Limited to just
Our eyes
Sight
Is gifted to
Those who
Realize
Forces of darkness
Will try
But can never
Harness
Those who
Continue
To fight
Even when
They are tarnished
Those who
Break themselves
Open
In order
To provide
Light
In abandoned
Places
Those willing
To shine
On forgotten
Faces
Evil is forced
To scatter
When LOVE
Confronts hate
It no longer
Matters
The strength
Bestowed
Upon me
Came through
You
Who was the conduit
Fruits of The Spirit
Effortlessly
Grew in your garden
Always in abundance
Never lacking
When it came time
To harvest
As you entered
Each gate
Leading you back
Home
To the New Jerusalem
I was reminded
Of those
Before me
The mighty warriors
I came from
I was reminded
Of who
I am

I keep clawing
My way up
The rough side
Of the mountain
I seem to have
Forgotten
If I chose this
Side of the mountain
Or whether it
Was a mistake
However
I don’t recall
There being another option
All sides were rough
Uneven
Sharp
Sometimes…
Fatal
I have also
Forgotten
What I am climbing for
What I am climbing towards
What awaits me
Up there?
Why do I have to climb?
I would have preferred
To take the stairs

Calamity
Follows the
Insanity
I have normalized
Far too many times
I have compromised
My own satisfaction
This was supposed
To be an enhancement
Not a detraction

I need precision
I need to make some
Revisions
Daydreams
Get me nowhere
I know I must
Wake up to go there
Swim
Across the ocean
Drive down the block
I thought I was
Under a boulder
In hindsight
It was only a
Small rock

come from a line
of down south negroes
who made sorrow
taste like mangoes
one of a kind
heroes
that continue
to show me
where to go
grandma was a planner
grandfather was a gambler
big mama was a handler
grandaddy was a scammer
she was a go getter
he could be a killer
when necessary
against much opposition
they decided to
marry
drowning out
the cries
of both sides
why was it
other people’s concern
they were not the
ones who had
to learn
a life
they built
together
many riches
they hoped
to earn
doll loved daddy
daddy loved doll
maybe they were
supposed to be together
after all

The trepidation
Proceeds
The precipitation
Forming clouds
Over the walls
I have built
For protection
Constructed
After my peace
Became interrupted
This is new
For me
This is natural
To you
We moved faster
Than any imminent
Disaster
Your waves
Attacked
My shore
Although
It was unexpected
You are exactly
What I have been
Waiting for
Praying for
A new set of
Keys
A brand new
Door
Let’s elope
Let’s find hope
They will say
We have lost
Our minds
I believe
This is the
Perfect time
A time to
Love
A time to
Embrace
A time to
Get lost
In space
Not literally
But figuratively
I want to
Cross
Galaxies
With you
Stargaze
Get lost in
The maze
With you
Our love
Is not bound
By this dimension
Our love
May be full of
Contradictions
One thing for certain
Is we are
The solution
To each other’s
Afflictions
This is love
Sprinkled
With
Just the appropriate
Amount of
Addiction

Shove me aside
In attempts to
Retain your pride
Your actions
Speak louder
Than your words
Your actions
Negate everything
I have ever heard
The lies
The denial
I feel as if
You are always
On trial
And I am the prosecutor
I thought you were
A righteous suitor
One who could
Be trusted
One who I
Lusted
After
When in reality
You are nothing more
Than a skilled crafter
Leading me on
With fictitious
Images of
Our happily ever after
I laid there
I stayed there
For far too long
To think I
Willingly composed
The notes of my
Swan song
Chose to
Ignore
Everything that was
Wrong
Attempting to rectify
What I should have
Never
Multiplied
Fearing that love
Would not be
Duplicated
Settling for
Your lazy love
Which always left
Me frustrated
So I say
To myself
Cry love cry
Although this is
The right decision
I know it
Hurts to say
Goodbye

This place
Continues
To move
Steadily
As above
So below
I have seen
Glimpses
Of The Promised Land
I know where
I need to go
As above
So below
Growth
Does not ask
For permission
It forces you
Into submission
Until you become
Secure in your
Position
As above
So below
We are unconsciously
Interconnected
A reflection
Of one another
In this realm
Of imperfection
As above
So below
You and I
Will never know
Until we
Try
You and I
Must uncover
Our individual purpose
Before we die

Why do you love
Me from a distance
Is it because I am
Unfamiliar
A deviation from
Everything you were
Told was acceptable
To love
Am I enough?
Am I too much?
I know I am
Short
Beautifully Black
Crafted
By The Potter’s
Mighty hand
Maybe it just isn’t
My time
Maybe you
Are simply
Not supposed to be
Mine
My heart is at
Home
I just want someone
Outside of myself
To share it with

I touch
The tip of Antarctica
As I navigate
Through your heart
Ice caps
Remain unmoved
Solidified
To the surface
Having spread
Gradually
Over the years
Covering
The sea of insecurity
And fears
How did you
Become the glacier
That stands before me
Was this your intention?
Is this your best condition?
Are you willing
To melt with me?
Or stay planted
In the same
Position…

after years of
false hope
dangling karats of
fool’s gold
in my face
for years
after years
after years
feeding into
my fears
of failure
without you
by my side
weariness
set in
evolving into
bitterness
cementing itself
as hatred
which is an emotion
i never
thought i could
harbor
towards you
an emotion
i never would have
envisioned
existing between us
disconnection
is the only resolution
did you ever love me?
did you ever value my presence?
or did you just anticipate
the presents i gave
without a thought
of hesitation
new vision
has been bestowed
upon me
no longer will
i contribute
to my own
sadness
no longer will
i entertain your
madness

I dreamed
About you
Last night
Into the early
Morning
You
And
I
Will never be
Anything
Ever again
But you cross
My mind
I wonder
If you have eaten
If you have a
Roof
Over your head
If it is secure
Or if it will
Cave in
At any point
If the food
You consume
Is not mass produced
I just want
To know
I just want
To know
...if you are ok

echoes of death ricochet
children wail
to no avail
fathers lay lifeless
mothers fight
not only
for themselves
but more so
for their children
where is God?
who exactly is
God?
in this moment
we are unsure
we have no clarity
for all we know
God
Is the Heaven
And
Hell
we experience
simultaneously
God may be
two sides
of the same coin
good
and
bad
in these moments
these seconds
that last lifetimes
God is
All of the above

bloom
where there is
room
or bloom
where you need
to?
that is the question
i already know
the answer to

the purple light
floated towards me
and a blaze
consumed it
the closer it came
a voice spoke
reminiscent
of the burning bush
that guided
Moses
“pack up and keep moving”
i was bewildered
She repeated
“pack up and keep moving”
initially hesitant
i felt a peace
surround me
a peace that i
internalized
a peace
that suddenly
made sense
i could no
longer remain
stagnant
in a situation
that would
only continue
dimming
my light
She knew
i knew
that the masquerade
had long been over
Her light
guided me
to higher heights
Her light
reminded me
that I was
bound for
higher ground
the sea parted
and with each
step forward
the burdens fell
with each step
i gained strength
it was as if
She
was the conduit
to God
that I had long
been disconnected
from
thank you for pushing
me
for walking behind me
beside me
and in front
of me
protecting me
from the weapons
that formed
but never prospered
thank you
for your
light
thank you for
your footsteps
that i happen
to fit
perfectly

room 109
is where
i await
for your key
to unlock
the door
i hate having
to meet you
like this
but neither
of us
can afford
to be caught
for a few moments
of pleasure
we forget
about each other’s
lovers
it’s beyond complicated
i hate it
sometimes
i think we are
making up
for past lives
where we almost
had it all
i am done
chasing you
for another lifetime
this is it
this is all i have
to offer
this is all
you can afford
to reciprocate
i accept it
with resentment
my pleas
for commitment
are met with
rejection
never once
did i state
i desired perfection
....i just
wanted admiration
public displays
of affection
dinner dates
movie nights
monogamy
game nights
where i let you
win monopoly
a title
some credit
i am so sure
about you
meanwhile
you second guess
my existence
you second guess
your own
this love is
dysfunctional
unconventional
exasperating
but it’s all i have
it’s all i want
you are all
i need
and you
refuse to
accept that
despite the
endless confirmations
you call
i run
i call
you walk
either way
we eventually
meet
and i cherish
all of it
i cherish
all of it

convulsions
overtake me
stirring my spirit
inciting me
to call you
in hopes
that you invite
me over
we have been
long overdue
for a
conversation
a conversation
with no words
nobody has
been able to
reach me
the way you
have
nobody has
had access
to do so
i don’t even
drink henny
anymore
but with you
i finish half
of the bottle
you are my paramore
you are my only
exception

I crawled deep into
The cave
Before realizing
I was drowning
A river swept
Me away in its
Violent current
The tides pushed
Me deeper
I saw nothing
My lungs became full
I hyperventilated
Each moment of relief
Was followed by moments
Of hopelessness
The waters brought
Me deeper
Into the cave
Slowly, surely
I remembered I
Could swim
Not only could I swim
I could dive
The stronger the tide
Grew
The deeper I dove
Into the water
Finally reaching
The bottom
This was the point
Of life or death
I was sure of it
Then suddenly
As I swam back
To the top
I saw light
My head pierced the surface
The waves had calmed
I was no longer in the cave
I emerged on the other side
Light greeted me
I saw the shore
And I floated
Towards it
I laid on the land
Recovering
Yet grateful
This was my rebirth
This is my beginning

find me
find me
find me
so i can
find myself
i been alone
for so long
that i forget
i am
actually human
almost despondent
numb
full of sorrow
awaiting for
a new tomorrow
running against the wind
seeing who is faster
daydreaming of
my happily ever after

do you know
of the true power behind
your name?
or do you rely
on fame?
although you have
a mattress
you have no bed frame
clarity is something
you cannot seem to find
it routinely
disturbs your peace of mind
do you find your prayers
remain unanswered?
no shade to Tina
but you reduce yourself
to a private dancer
sliding down the pole
of iniquity
quickly
as soon as the high
wears off
you aim for the sky
and never reach the clouds
snorting lines
upon lines
upon lines
of melodramatic mania
speeding
needing
attention
dialing for help
in search of suicide prevention
naive to the fact
that hell is not
a place you will see
when you die
naive to the fact
that you are already there

Someone, something
Slithered over to me
And whispered in my ear
Telling me that I would
Amount to nothing
My bank account
Would never have
The right amount
In it
I would never
Be whole
Because I was empty
And incapable of
Self-preservation
If I did not depend
On another
I would surely die
If I could not
Find love
With another
I would surely die
If I did not slave
Under this corporation
That we call The United States
I would surely die
Brainwashed
Lost
Ashamed
I fell into
The trap of lack
A mindset I grew
To accept
And never question
Until one day
I discovered
The key that unlocked
My holding cell
Was the key
In my hand
In that moment
I escaped
Heading towards
Freedom Land

when i was
a child
with long hair
you called me a girl
when i was a teenager
you laughed at me
for reciting Kelis
lyrics as opposed to Nas
you symbolically & physically
beat me into submission
coercing me into
a false personality
a shell of masculinity
that appeased you
great to admire
yet hollow on the inside
you told me you loved me
but only if i loved
who i was “supposed to“
you did all this
but you still lusted
after me
i was only worthy
of your touch
in the dark
you would never
affirm me in the light
of day
but i am
no vampire
i am human
i am love
growing
through hate
transmuting cruelty
into benevolence
i am here
i have always been
and will continue
to be
you
will never erase me

it has started
the beginning of
the end
the end of what
should have been
over
the beginning of
a new beginning
one that will bring
us peace
once the storm passes
the flood
has lasted well beyond
40 days
only the harvest
can follow

Different names
Same pain
Died a thousand times
Only to become
A hashtag
Fresh tears
Same fears
Rarely a conviction
Only funeral benedictions
I have no words
To say
I have no prayer
To pray
It all seems
To be in vain
Different names
Same pain

i cried
when you left
not over losing you
i cried
tears of joy
because i found myself
the man i ignored
for so long
the boy who
silently waited
in my shadow
to be acknowledged
your loss
my gain

born out of death
unexpectedly
the strength you had
has become the strength
i have
the strength I am still
learning to attain
you were the martyr
who taught me
the balance between
individuality & selflessness
the freedom i have found
is the freedom
you were in the midst
of seeking
you built the foundation
that i stand on
you are the blueprint
the great architect
the first
you are me
i am you

You only want me
When I am accessible
When your tastebuds crave
For me
Other times
You forget that I exist
Saying you care
But if I am not
There then neither
Are you
Just because I am
A fruit
Does not mean
I hang low
You have had no hand
In my growth
Yet want to reap the benefits
The feeling of me
In your hand
My juice merging
With your saliva
The stickiness I
Leave on your fingers
The stickiness
You smell and lick
Without hesitation
I do not grow in bushes
Climb up the tree
If you really want
To find me

I am tired of
Having a
Bittersweet relationship
With myself
I will elevate others
With one hand
While beating myself
With the other

died a million times
before i surrendered
being born again
looks nothing
like i imagined

his words are like honey
slow and sweet
sticking to your ear drums
seeping into your brain
but at some point
they turn sour
too bitter
to replay

his minuscule amount
of jealousy
seems playful
at first
before it erupts
only to rival pompeii

his fist
punches the wall
that eventually becomes
your face
layers of pancake mix
can barely cover
the pain

yet your deepest wound
is intrinsic

i love you so much
to life not to death
please baby
here me when i say...
GET OUT!

Am I handsome
Am I pretty enough
Am I doing
Am I saying too much
I can only be me
But the me
They see
Is a lot
To deal with
I still got baggage
I need to sit & heal with
Meditate
Contemplate
On society
And their standards
Of this thing called “beauty”
I cannot fit into its standard box
If you cannot love me entirely
You need to kick rocks
Cause I’m a lotus
Who grew in this world
Of hard knocks

the boy smiles
unconsciously
he laughs
without hesitation
he loves
naturally
gives without
expecting in return
his effervescence
is contagious
everybody loves him
nobody knows him
is he a lovable *****
or is he just misunderstood

wishing i could
write these emotions
down on paper
or paint them
on a canvas
drained
disappointed
distorted
are just a few ways
you make me feel
but it is not
you alone
it is you
it is me
it is the boys
from the past
who have yet to
become men
stagnant beings
with peter pan
as their father figure
why do i
set myself up
repeatedly
hoping
you and the lost boys
will follow the path
out of neverland

he drives me crazy
in the best way
he elicits
emotions
effortlessly
i will follow
him barefoot
for miles
just for a
fraction of his time
in return
giving him
this heart of mine

somehow you have
climbed inside of me
and festered
infecting me
with this thing
called love
as i resisted
you persisted
breaking down my walls
of generational curses
healing
every trauma
i had withstood
you understood
that beneath the surface
i was a soul
whose intentions
were good

always been a lone wolf
howling at a full moon
wondering will i find
my lover soon

always been the best man
have yet to be the groom
please baby
get here by noon

i dream about you
but i never see your face
whenever i think of you
my heart begins to race

been searching all over the place
but is it you i really want
or do i just enjoy
the chase ?