A pig with wings
A horn you play with strings
A unicorn with a mermaid's tail
While megladonic sirens sing
Differ from the human mind
Is imagining the existence
Of these things.
Imagination is great
When turning nine
Since now I'm only eight...

Remember the day
You asked me
Who would want me now?
Was about 6 months pregnant
With our gorgeous oldest
On bed rest getting big as hell
Feeling alone, lonely and very ugly
So sad, cause that was just
5 weeks after we got married
Since then constant
Verbal abuse, made me
Regret the very air you breathe
You set out on a journey
To try hard to destroy me
Good luck with that
I pray your best existence
Despite the hellish demise
You wish for me...

Internal mental reigns
Attempt to pull me in
The burning furnace
Of doubtful, angry fearful
Self hatred flames
Consuming thoughts causing
Imploding inevitable
Destruction of my faith
Only if allowed
These mind conscious
Choices chosen to make...

Misery loving the company
Of my soul is overrated
Can't remember the last time
My heart's song
Had my feet tapping
Or my spirit elated
Mourning more familiar
Lately than ever before
Regrettably reopening
To heartache's knocking?
Not this morning old friend
Try another broken door...

I beat up on myself
Far too much
Blackened blues
Blews and black
Like ***
Somedays ***
I'm muthafauqin
Team far too much...

Crying yesterday's tears
Carrying tomorrow's fears
Leaves me where today
And what is to be
The condition of my
Forevermore
If I can't possibly
Stop feeling
This horrid way???

Needingly wanting
Longing better for myself
No welfare lines
No astronomical wealth
No ***** births
Ex husband and baby daddy hell
No miscarried away
No praying to die
Just to get away
No mental holds
Finding my mind
Unbreakable as I am
I will get to my better life...

I feel lost most days
Like my mind is not my own
Like I'm soooo far gone
A stray if you will
Trying to simply find
Acceptance of myself for me

Love
Has no greater introduction
Than a home cooked meal...

Spiritual Leprosy
No healing
For clean doubled edgez
Separating piecez of peace
Creating Deficits of Excessive
Virtious lepors losing in pain
Colonial unifications can't identify
The nerve of no longer having feelings
Of overindulgence
Can age restore honor
Forgiving innocence
Through the processes
Of youthful foolhardy
I'm grateful for my creators
Brokenly blezzed
Forget me knots
When living like good memories
Discerning not to cause damnation
Remember the light broke through
Darknesses of watching
What WE speak and say
These Worthy Wordzzz!!!

Most perils endured
Are initially mentally
Self inflicted
If a man's thinking
Becomes his actions
Or inactions
****! Choices!

Awakened
To an awry feeling
Something
Being not quite right
Not knowing what
Could be wrong really
In the dream
Before I woke
I was engaged
In delightful banter
With edifying  folk
Still not sure
Why fear's stolen
This morning
The peace in
How I awoke...

More often than usual
Not knowing
My own goings or comings
Trying to focus myself
Find balance in this
Oxymoronic
Tumultuous peace
Angialyc beings
This xoul ethers feast
Longing to know myself
Oh! to be at one con mi
This double mynded
Duality!
Defining
Sane's insanity
Blezzing and a curse really
There's no curing diagnoses
For the anti doting me...

When this darkness
Comes over me
It takes me to
A lonely place where
I'm in a full room
Standing all alone
No empty seats
Barely walking space
No familiar face
No family to call home
No heart full of love
No one to belong to
Tricking for affections
All strays can do is roam...

Tethering between
Heaven and Hell
Down to earth mostly
Trying to decipher
If the prayers
Of the write just
Iz juzt write
Why do we endure
Endearingly endearing
Endeavours early or latter
Tonight I may weep
Don't cry for me
Sweet TnT
Every sun'z Rizingz
Getting closer
Putting together the
Pieces of my peace...

Walked around
Smelling shitay
For hours
Didn't realize
Attached to the
Soul of my shoes
That repugnant stench
Trailing me was you.
Ugh toxicity'$ disdain
That thin line is no divide
Double dotted you multiplied
Hateful thoughts of you
That once regarded our loathsome
Love so muthafauqin high...

Don't care
To be broken anymore
No king'z horses
Or hoarse men
Knocking at my door
Even humpty'z dance
Card is full
No wind under these wingz
Flying into the bullseye
Of a stormy life
All hoods
Ain't neighborly
Morphing blue
Why not you red?
I'm so purple reigning through...

Focusing on the
Next level constantly
Being grateful
For the current path
Of life's journeys
Humbly blessed
This one life gifted me
Pressing toward a mark
Only I need, see...

You honestly think
I don't know how
To get rid of you
If I truly want
To be done with you?
Sadly mistaken
Unless I allow
You will never
Know the truth
And nothing but boo...

Learning myself
Accepting there are many
Aspects of me
Overstanding that
My write mind's eyez
Can understandably
See wrong mentalities
Acknowledging even
My flaws, flawlessly
There's much in a name
When Diabolicalizmz
Roze gr8ly!!!

Cunning this ham'z
No porkyz pig'z
Sloppy slopz
Excellent and Amazing
Na saw, county'z pride
Of grandma's heart
No Small fete
Can't be sold or bought
Honestly honesty
Ain't always nice to hear
It is our honesty
That kept us friendly
Never wondered why
I've  respectfully admired you
Since way back when...

Twenty plus years
Knowing of me
Have noooo idea to care about
Who I am
Never once taken seriously
Always not good enough
For what exactly?
Memo received
For hoes
There's juzt no luv...

Keeping my eyes on me
Seeing you zeeing me
Watching you watch
My every move
Looking right past
Your own mind's eyez
Trying to decipher
The viscosity of this level
Of opaque transparency...

Ok so to you
I may not
Ever be gud enuff
Fakt is
I see my greatness
And that
Iz far betta than
Your perception of good
Because I'm learning
I Matter
More than what
Anyone, yes even you should!!!

Sabotaging myself
Way more than I should
Chasing away
Any and everyone I could
Petrified of
Constantly getting hurt
Painfully lyvyng in isolationismz
Unfortunately is all my heart
Has ever known...

Felt like damaged goods
My entire life
Tumultuous existence
Since childhood
Brokenness led to
Not knowing how to make
A grown-up choice
Second and third-party
Guessing myself
Being told I don't know
How to live my own life well
Duality in my unworthy
Unwholly spiritual zoulrelm
Has made some of living
This only one life
I 've been lyvyng
One heck of an internal Hell!!!

Who can I be
When told for soooo long
That who I am is not right
What makes my life soooo wrong
Who else can tell my story
Tell my tales
Sing my zoulrelm heart'z songz?
If truly loving me
Is to know me
When did we meet again?
I'm having trouble
Thinking about the time
You didn't even care to take
To try to figure me out
But according to you
You love  Me, this stranger
I am to me most days
Beyond the shadows
Of your own doubtz...

Don't feel
Deserving of any love
Or anyone to love me
Not even from
An invisible all loving
All knowing God
So I turn my beauty off
So no man can find me attractive
To not get or be confused
Equating *** with caring
Or genuine loving affections
Hiding far behind
The wall of a natural RBF
They claim is almost as ****
As my smile
It's so sad, I can't even see
The me in the mirror
They speak of
All I been looking at me for
My whole life
Is a drop of meaningful  love...

No weapons of destruction
No full armor donned
No lyrics to sing or talk
My way out this hurtful harm
Breaking superficial surfaces
Building potential
With my barely bare hands
Screaming from within
Dis eased mentally
Fighting to survive
The best and worst
Parts of me
So you think
I think my **** don't stink
You want to judge me
You have no clue
That the same God in you
Is the same God in me...

Empty hearts and hands
Foreign citizens
In strange familial lands
Gauntlets unseen
Running from pain
To devastating devastations
Destinations unknown
Bypassing liberation
Literally
Not confused
By the chaos around me
Fearing my own overstatings
Leaning on understanding
Far beyond rational practicalities
I stand waiting in faith humbly...

Cries for help
Healing and good health
Overcoming still from my past
Being prepared to last
And outlast
Gracefully being guided
To my purposeful purpose...

So caught up
Wrapped in your warped
Intentionally cruel
Ingenious intentions
Of me loving you
While you're loathing me
Couldn't see behind
Your smile
Betrayed by your lies
Felt your hate
Long before
Judaz'z get semony ride
No need to
Pay it back or forward
To this ****** bitchez ***** Muah!!!

Can't part
With my mind, soul, and spirit
Just yet
Still need
My guide
To come pass
Flying, walking, swimming
Could care lesser than less
Just get here
Juztuz been calling uz
To rest in pieceful reztz...

Haven't told you
I loved you in days
Not even past
Our hunny mooning phase
You have know idea
How peaceful you rest
You think
I have no clue
You admire
The way I sleep too
Passionate thoughts
Of far longer than
A few forevermores
And beyond death
With you and only you
Nam Mi Corazon!

Skalez unbalanced
Since you've been gone
Matrimonial scatterings
Left searches searching
For more weight
To keep uz grounded
Hurtful anger killing deathz
Sincere Sincerely

Frameless pictures
Flying high
Miles of cloudy
Disclosers
Your highness
Mental infarctions
Protecting viperz
Venomous thoughts
Thotfully planning
To take over her worldz
One pinky'z brains
At a time!

Go please
Please leave me
Exactly the fuxed up way
You found me
Please I'm pleading
And begging please
Don't think my kind
As stupid or weak
Please love me
Or just let me be
Answers to prayers
Playing hide N seek
Rabbyt Whole deep
Muthafauqerz
Laughing at me
Praying I'm brought
To my knees
Got no clue
No chanting mics
Already there
Praying beyond prayers
Genuinely Lovingly
Accept me for all of me
Or Zimply! Juzt let me be.

My wholly
Unholy spirit
Always guided me
From convicting convictions
To judge and jury
My sins east to west
Spans wide I'm sure
More a sinner
Than any saintly
Tendencies exhibited before
Simply saved by faith
Solely believing
In a loving
Invisible God's merciful grace

You don't have
Mourning wood like I
Saps drips that gooey glue
Dem muddied waterz
Run deep and wide
Believe I said it before
A muthafauqer ****
*** fauq in the morning
It's necessary
2 Define your comeupingz
If easy is what is necessary to you
It has to be in the word
The word was and is
And is to be
The simplicity that
Conforms wizdumb WE seek
Necessary answers is in the word
Far easier to be necessary  
Having to do what you have to in order to do what you want to
Great  Rising great Day
Happy Weekend  
Gemz dropped again
Oops I-slipped.
Sometimes though I do
Zimply Beeeee Trippin!

Every **** time
I find my sunglasses
I loose them again
Simply because
They were cleverly acquired
They really were never mine
Purchased possession
Every single summer
Ugh every **** time

P.S I keep promising to replace them

We are too far gone
Spirit's broken
Soul'z too worn
Years in the making
Finally took form
Only to despise
Monstarz
Home grown
Births of a suicidal womb
Dying to live literally
Before WE are born!

The problem is
I talk far too much
Saying anything and everything
To any and everyone
Knowing I couldn't
Count on any platform
To just vent
And juzt be listened to
I don't trust myselves
With Me
I just knew
I shouldn't have tried to
Trust myself with you...

Even gorgeous people
Are insecure
It really is what
Makes them
Unattractive
Sad honestly.

Always afraid I would die young     Rushed my oldest
Through her childhood
So afraid of
Her not knowing enough, or
What she needed to know
In case of my untimely death
Didn't not know much
When I was younger
Don't ever think
Anyone young knows much
Let alone know enough
Just wanted her to have
More to start off knowing
Than knot!!!

Six million ways
To dye
Yuh can choose
More than one
But if it's done right
Juzt Quan time
Ongle One iz what
Yuh need write???

Symbiotic affections
InteRdependent
Dependencies
Loving to live dangerously
Breading stiffeled
Acrimonious apathy
In how many ways and languages
Can I tell the operator
To clear your line?
You need me
Like I need you
Lub to my dub
Lively lyfelynez!

If I live
To my fullest today
Once I lay to rest
I'm contented
To not take
Thought for tomorrow
Since if I
Make it
Through the
Valleys of the shadows of
my subconscious deathz
And wake
To a brand new day
I get to do it ALL again
Betta! I'm grateful
For Every new and old day!!!

Faktz of lyvyng
Don't hate me
When I'm beau ti ful
Hate me
In da mourning
I'm muthafauqin
Zexy *** Fauq Den
Great Rizingz
Ly! Onez pridez
Are showing
Dey got big
Eeeeegoooozzzzzzz
It'z Leo Zeazoningz Gemz!!!
Nam Habibi! FLT4ADG Nam!!!

People only
Treat you
How you allow
Teach me how
To love you
When you
Learn how
To luv2love Your  Truthz!