Woke up this morning with a head
This is the curse when you try to change the world
Gave Mary just a slight hint Tony might be bedding Jill, Joan, not excluding Alice
Big John, definitely gay, but as I explained, Billy his partner was kissing May
Mark was salivating over the barmaid Rose
Godsakes man haven’t you heard, Rose used to be Fred
You could have heard a pin drop when the chuckle brothers walked in
Word on the street, Jill and Joan were in the family way
Which in any other circumstances would be okay
But everybody knew the brothers fired blanks, hence the chuckle reference amongst the ranks
Still, honour was at stake on that fateful night
A slight nod Tony’s way would start the fight
A knife to the heart was Tony’s plight
Then a voice cried out, you sure she’s a man
Well, Rose hit Mark with a pan
Big John head butted Billy
Who landed on Tony, and one of his cronies
Mary who had now lost the plot when Alice showed the ring Tony had bought
A bottle of bud over the head, put paid to Tony and his amorous ways
Rose stripped off shouting, does this look like a man
Mark got up seeing double as the chuckle brothers pushed him down again
Big John threw Billy into the air, landing on the chuckle brothers like Fred Astaire
The brothers took this as a blatant dare, shooting Billy without a care
Tony clocked Rose in her Sunday best, uttering the words, better than all the rest
This sent Mary totally insane, followed by Jill, Joan, Alice, and for some reason May
Guns were pulled, shots went astray, all aimed at Tony who looked on in dismay
The chuckle brothers in the way, killed outright on that fateful day
Legend has it, a crime of passion, no arrests were ever made
Tony fled the country, followed by Jill, Joan, and for some reason May
Mark and Rose fell in love, got married
Mary and Alice gave them away
Big John and Billy gave it another go
I was going to mention to him, but decided no
Not after all the advice I gave went untold
Still, this is the curse when you try to change the world
This is why I woke up with a head
Though, what a palaver
Was it something I said.

She looks at the clock
Waiting
The unlocking of the door
No words
The distant looks
Separate rooms
Separate lives
Soon
Separate ways
The clock kept ticking
Ticking, ticking, ticking
Next week
Her new life
An hour passed
Strange
She felt it
That eerie feeling
Shook her
The doorbell ringing
Hit her like a bolt
The unlocking of the door
No words needed
So strange
The clock had stopped ticking.

The other woman
She was okay for a time
But then she changed
Wanted to be the woman
But that’s not in the rules
She didn’t seem to understand
It’s written in stone
I told her
That’s why it’s called the other woman
She couldn’t grasp the fact
Wanted more
But more is not in the contract
She was insistent
I couldn’t get through to her
You are the other woman
The outer circle
I give you my time, presents
You give me ***
That’s how the contract works
She just wasn’t having it, wanted more
I had to **** her
She just didn’t see it
If she had just taken the time
She would have read it
The small print
In the contract.

I was going over all the mistakes I’ve made in my life.
There’s been a few.
Though, I have now boiled it down to one point in my life.
The wedding.
There was only one option.
In hindsight, there really should have been three.
Do you take this woman on a six month contract.
I do, seems like a good deal all round for both parties.
Do you take this woman on a need to know basis.
I do, one just never knows what’s lurking behind women these days.
Do you take this woman till a better one comes along.
I do, this is definitely the best option.
I now pronounce you duly contracted.

She said fifteen years was a long time.
Ten years of that was waiting for you to get ready.
She didn’t laugh.
What i’m trying to say is, it’s over.
You’re not getting ready ever again.
In a way, yes.
Should i be celebrating this news.
It will be a new start for both of us.
Okay i’ve just realised, this is a serious conversation.
Yes i’m ending the marriage.
That’s a bit final, are you eloping with the milkman.
I just don’t want to be married anymore.
Is this when i ask, is there anybody else involved.
There’s no one else involved, i just don’t want to be married anymore.
You don’t fancy popping back every Sunday and making your famous steak pie.
Maybe every fourth Sunday.
What about the odd Saturday night *** session.
Don’t you fancy someone new.
No, i don’t think i’ve got another fifteen years to break someone new in
What if i find someone new.
Well i suppose you could invite him round for Sunday lunch, but i draw the line at the Saturday night *** session.
You are okay about me leaving.
Well i’m not completely happy about it, you do have this knack of knowing where everything is.
You could just phone me and ask.
Do you really want me phoning you twenty times a day.
I’m sure you’ll get used to it.
Is this what we call tough love.
I don’t want it to be, i was hoping you would say good luck.
In a way i am, but i’m still trying to negotiate you staying.
I think you know my mind is made up.
I know, but i had to try.

The Creator has gone
The seeds have grown and spread
Moving in all directions, never going home
Time is always moving on
Sometimes in silent occasions we pause
Thoughts to times of yesteryear
Times we’ll never see again
Goodbye for the final time
The Creator has gone
We leave to drink a toast
Family and friends another solemn occasion is upon us
Check your time clocks
The days are drawing in
Time is on the move
The Creator has gone
Time awaits us all....

He saw her through the dark days
It took time
But time was all he had
The battle, he was  winning
He could plan the future
Small steps
But steps nonetheless
They would walk, talk
He wouldn’t rush
The critical time would come
The second breakdown
He would be ready
Had to be
The pouring of grief trickling,
Flowing quicker,
Then the torrent
It was hell on earth
Described like an exorcism
She would sleep now
He could relax
Regain his thoughts
Plan the next step
He was in a positive mood
He went to check on her
No sign
His heart began to beat faster
Logic was lost
Run and search
Not panicking, but panicking
Blind panic now
Tears were flowing
In his mind he saw it
Dismissed it
Find her, keep searching
She was gone, he knew
Hated himself
He sat down in despair
She was watching him
Trying to take his pain
Reassure him
Take the burden away
It would take time
But time was all she had now
She was released
The pain had gone.

He paints his face and becomes the clown
Checks the mirror for his furtive frown
Got it all hidden inside
Watches the people having fun
He wants to run
Get away
To that day
When the children played
So long ago
Time goes by
But the screams still cry
He paints his face and becomes the clown
Checks the mirror for his furtive frown
Got it all hidden inside
Watches the people having fun
As he spins the gun
More laughter as he drops with a bang
Huge applause they begin to stand
Then no sound
Suddenly the laughter turns to frowns
So sad
The death of a clown.

A soft moan left her lips
As she lay there, completely defenceless
His soft touch slowly caressing her
Letting the pressure build up
Relief only through
A scream pushed out of her lungs
A violent quivering
Between her thighs
And her arching back
Her vision getting blurry
Eyes in and out of focus
He watches her calmly
Giving her a moment to cool off
He Places a soft kiss on her dry, cool lips
Moving slowly down
Teasing, blowing softly on her taut body
She responds
The spark ignites within her again
As she gets up to push him down
With fire in her eyes
Passion streaming from her fingertips
Uncontrollable desire
Expressed in each move she makes
Unashamedly taking her pleasure
Finally losing control screaming
Passion and tears
She looked down at him
Their eyes met
She bit her lip
And smiled playfully

He got on top and satisfied his ******* soul
Rolled over and snored himself to sleep
Her mother screamed in her dream
He’s the man, give it to him
Not her, not anymore
Oh no, not this ******* *****
She planned the wardrobe for the dumb
The other wardrobe to make her ***
Sessions in the morning
Whippings in the afternoon
He took her bent across the desk
She took him straddled on the floor
He took her hard against the wall
She blew him till the final fall
She dressed in rubber, nylon, pvc
Thigh length boots
Against the tree
Spoke *****
Hand or blow
Glad the hubby didn’t know
Arrived home
It caught her eye
The envelope with the word goodbye
She read the letter

I’ve tried my best
To give you hints
But not anymore
Our marriage is just a bore
You just don’t seem to realise
Sometimes a man just wants a *****...

She leads me down the road
Turns around, and says that she’s not sure anymore
Sometimes things go wrong
People change
Nothing stays the same
If only you could see
Hiding in the dark won’t bring us back
It only causes pain
Something that will always remain
It’s better that you go now
Turn another corner
Change your name
Nothing stays the same
Tears for yesterday will still remain
But tomorrow will ease the pain.

She leads me down the road
Turns around, and says that she’s not sure anymore
Sometimes things go wrong
People change
Nothing stays the same
If only you could see
Hiding in the dark won’t bring us back
It only causes pain
Something that will always remain
It’s better that you go now
Turn another corner
Change your name
Nothing stays the same
Tears for yesterday will still remain
But tomorrow will ease the pain.

The marriage was a sham
Nothing more, nothing less
The only happy people were her parents
It stood well with them
Years and years, it stood well with them
She couldn’t even blame him
He was everything another woman would have wanted
Just not her
The note was brief
He’d get over her in time
Now time was all she had
Forty two and alone
Seeking enlightenment, just seeking
He was about twenty
Told her he would like to make love with her
Was this the new generation
No courtship, just ***
Though, he didn’t ask for ***
He asked to make love
Maybe it was the experienced woman he was looking for
If lying on her back was experience, she was that woman
Strangely enough, lying on her back seemed a long time after he removed her dress
Never in her life did she dream of someone kissing her through her underwear
The absolute pleasure just derived by somebody touching the right spot
No one had explored her whole body before
No, she didn’t remember being on her back
She did remember being on top
Totally in control
She did remember exploring his young body, the second ****** as good as the first
More surprisingly
She remembered walking around naked totally unashamed.

The vultures are circling
Like they know
The final act of the falling snow
Time is waiting
Can't you see
The last breath for you and me
We saw it coming
But played the game
The universal language of who’s to blame
It’s gone now
The snow has passed
Time to change the name
Two people on the road
Different directions, but still the same
Fate is cruel though
Hits you on the blind
Takes you straight back
To that time
The rehearsal of life
The part you couldn’t see
All comes together now
Plain as plain can be
For the final time
You walk away
Knowing that you can
No words to hold now
Just clear to understand
The vultures are circling
Now you know
The final act of the falling snow.

When I said to you I would like to try a new position, What do you think I meant .

A new bar.

When was the last time we had ***.

My birthday.

No.

Your birthday.

No, it was when my mum died.

That was a sad day.

Not for you it wasn't, you supervised the cremation.

I had to make sure.

Do you know why my mum hated you.

I don’t think she hated me.

No, she definitely hated you.

She hated everyone.

You most of all.

Was it because I married you.

No, that's why she hated me. It was because you violated her underwear drawer.

I was looking for that furry thing you told me about.

Then you should've just said that. I told you that fetish story wouldn't fly.  

Well then, you shouldn’t have let her spread it around.

I know.

Wait a minute. You told her the fetish story wouldn't fly.

Eermm...

Why would you let her spread that around.

Well it was around the time I caught you with the girl next door.

You said you liked two girls!

You're not a girl! You just wear my clothes sometimes and I've been more than tolerant about that.

Paul Gaffney & Lily Nurmi.

The bottle was full
Just like their spirits
They shared as the talk grew louder
Spoke of times when drinking was sociable
That was a time ago
Now the drink was a necessity
The medicine of life
The bottle was beginning to empty now
Just like the existence they led
You could see it in their faces
As the battle for the last drink intensified
Every battle has a winner
This time he was the stronger
Gulping down the last drop as if his life depended on it
There would be many more battles like this
Ultimately, the main battle lay ahead
The final one
The freezing weather moved in slowly
Though he was totally unaware
Lying in a drunken stupor
Surrounded by empty bottles
Screaming as the battle raged inside him
Fighting for the final time
As his life slowly ebbed away
The snow covered him like a blanket
Peacefully taking him to a new place
The battle over
His thirty five year old existence finally at an end.

She called them the sad days
The wasted days
Hated days
Moving on days

He called them the hard days
The bad days
Sad days
Moving on days

She blamed him
****** men
Mental torture
Good riddance

He blamed her
****** women
No respect
Goodbye

She wanted love
Commitment
Wanted him
Needed him

He needed love
Needed space
Needed time
Wanted her

She couldn’t move on
Wouldn’t move on
Hated time
Hated him

He drank the bar
Numbed the pain
Saw the train
No need to explain

She took the call
Final fall
Found the pills
Ended it all.

She watched him sleeping, wondering
When did she stop loving him
Was it gradual
Did she ever love him
Could she love another
Her mind was made up
She would leave tomorrow
He watched her sleeping, wondering
Placing the pillow over her face
Did he ever love her.

How many bodies are floating down the river
How many
Where do they go on that lonely journey
That final destination
Till they’re found
Is it you
What went wrong
Your final thoughts
Was it for yourself
Someone close
Maybe just the release of pain
What went through your mind on that lonely walk
Was there anyway back
Was there
Who knows what went through your mind
Your thoughts
When you climbed onto the bridge
Was there anyway back
I suppose not
Did the water take your pain
Take it all away
I hope so
I really do.

Do you think of other women when we make love
No, no, and definitely no
I do
Well, I’m pleased for him and you, and really pleased if it’s her and you.
Strange how you mentioned Mary in your sleep.
Well I can hardly be responsible for my subconscious, plus I don’t know any Marys.
What about her in Liverpool.
Lets not go there again.
Mary, three gardens down with the *****.
Ah, that was a text alert from Jeff the bird watcher, something about a rare speckled breast, never saw it myself.
Not even with they perv binoculars you use, I mean how would you feel if some guy was perving over me.
He  wouldn’t be, you’re not perv material. Now if it was your twin sister, then that’s a definite text alert, how is she anyway.
Probably on her back with the Air Corp.
I would love to be in that flyby.
Yeah, well you would know all about flying with my sister.
I thought she was you.
She’s got blond hair and ******* for christsakes.
I thought you had a makeover. How did she get bigger **** than you anyway, did you get the brains.
Let me see, I’m with you.
There you go, no need to answer that, why don’t I take you for some retail therapy, followed by a candlelit dinner, and wait for it, the big game is on tonight, does it get any better than that.
Twenty two guys kicking a ball, think I'll phone my sister, that flyby sounds more appealing now.

Monday
                 It has come to my attention, that someone has been stealing from
                 the communal fridge. I notice that my own personal milk with my
                 name on the bottle is half empty, also three fingers of my kitkat
                 are missing. Please refrain, or action will be taken.
Tuesday
                 It has come to my attention, and I’m pleasantly surprised to see
                 my milk has been topped up, though, why ******* of my
                 kitkat  in a V sign beggars belief. Just tasted my milk, you
                 ***** *******. I will now be monitoring the fridge from my office.
                 You will be caught.
Wednesday
                  
                   It has come to my attention, the camera monitoring the fridge
                   is now monitoring the ladies toilet. This is intolerable, you are
                   usurping my authority. Heads will roll. I will now be moving the
                   fridge into my office till further notice.
Thursday

                   It has come to my attention, my office has been penetrated,
                   the fridge is missing, and I find a ransom note on my desk.
                   I don’t know who you people think you're dealing with, but
                   let me leave you in no doubt, I will find out who you are, and
                   you will be dismissed.
Friday

                   It has come to my attention, a delivery of fifty fridges is
                   cluttering up the whole building, management is going
                   ballistic. I concede to your demands, please get rid of
                   them. Let us get back to you taking my milk and my biscuits,
                   my job, my life. Just leave me alone.
                                                                                    Thank you.

I didn't mind you balling Jack in our sack

Behind my back

But to take the fridge which held the beer

That was low, even for you dear

Now I hear you've dumped Jack, in favour of Mark

Everybody knows, he’s a nark

And what about the beer

Is it true, Mark the nark was shot in the dark

Now you're with Joe

The price of beer, it’s shocking you know

Heard the news, heart attack, poor Joe, and at the point of blow

Way to go Joe, the beer will flow

Is it true, Joe’s hardly dead and you’re away with Fred

My god, I'm drinking myself dead

Oh no, surely not Fred, he was in his prime

Time gentlemen please, time

Well that sobered me up

You’re living with Mary, quite contrary

That's it, you've crossed the line

I'm the laughing stock in the Rose and Crown

You have finally pushed me over the ridge

For Christsakes woman

Keep the ****** fridge.

I saw you through the darkness
Did you see me in the night
Did you think you’d be alright
You looked right through me
Yet dismissed me from sight
Were you thinking
Oh no not me, oh god it couldn’t be
I saw you through the darkness
Did you see me in the night
Did you think you'd be alright
I saw you through the darkness
Did you see me in the night
Heard you scream in pain
Yet, waited just the same
Did you think
Oh no not me, oh god it couldn’t be
I saw you through the darkness
Did you see me in the night
You looked right through me
Dead in my sight.

It’s only wrong if you get caught
It’s only right if you want it
You must obey all the rules
This is the greatest acting part in your life
Never upgrade your wardrobe
Change your scent
Use your own phone
Never mix the names up
On no account use your credit card for gifts
Always try for married women
Makes sense
Okay, I think you all know the rules now
So, off you go and have fun
But be careful out there.

You’ve got to get in from the start

Girl, love, mortgage, house

The trip has begun

Seat belt on

Forget the plan

The roller coaster will take you up

But not for long

Life's like that

Tells you in the song

Ok, we’re heading down

Is that a frown

Look around

Girl gone

Love

Off with Joe

House

You don’t want to know

No mortgage though

Now, was that a thrill

All the fun of the fair

What, bitter pill

She isn't there

That’s the roller coaster

High and low

No one knows

New woman

Don’t try to explain

Seat belt on

Let me introduce the ghost train.

It was a sad day in May when you went away.

Sadder In June when you came home to soon.

July flew by, followed by a Lawyers letter, infidelity, such a cruel word.

August, your sister left, stating it was probably for the best. I had to agree, it was always about you, never me.

September, gave you a call, the phone was answered by some guy called Paul. Hated him from the start, he said hello, so condescending, how did he know.

October, you walked in as the au pair was hoovering in the ****, I have to say, your timing is lousy, couldn’t you phone, the au pair has left in despair, not that you would care.

November, nice couple came to view the house, she asked if she could come back later to measure up. She measured up just fine, so, new curtains, new girlfriend.

December, she went back to her man, citing cruelty to dumb blondes. I think women just take me for a ride, I’m to good natured, hard to decide.

January,  I’ve made a resolution, going to change my ways, actually feeling quite good, time to give the good lady a call. She’s engaged to Paul. What the hell, have I been asleep, found the letter on the floor with the others marked bore, I could have swore.

Feb I’ve grown a beard, adds a bit of sophistication to a man of endears. Tried you on the phone, I only asked where my blades were, no need to moan.

March It’s your birthday, I send you a card. All my forgiveness, from the heart. You respond in haste, and may I add, in really bad taste., I ******* hate you. well.

April They’ve come to take the house, I see your sister opening the gate, a friendly face. She owns the company, well isn't that great.

May  I’ve had a really bad year and then some, pain does that to a man, it’s hard to explain. I suppose the moral of the May when you went away leaving me to play, is the **** month of June, when you came home to soon. So anyway, her and Paul got married, I sort of gave her away, asked her sister if she wanted a date. What a ****** response.
Not if all the months were May.

The grey lady walks through the ranks, and stops
Touches the shoulder of the chosen one
And death rightly takes its place
I saw her a lot in the early years
Dutifully going about her business
It seemed like she was responsible for the deaths of thousands
Only once did she stop before me
But she just smiled before moving on
That always confused me
Was I not good enough
How did she know who to choose
I became reckless for a time
Challenging her to take me
She just smiled, before moving on
Dutifully going about her business
One day I felt it, the calling
So strong, I almost welcomed it
She walked through the ranks towards me
Stopping in front of me
I waited for her touch
She whispered in my ear
You’re one of the protected.

He watched her walking through the night
Into the darkness of life
To the ever changing days
She glanced with the words trailing
You can’t see me
In the night all cats are grey
It’s always been that way
Did you see the sign
Walking towards
Like death walking towards that point
But going no further
Not when the gravestones scream
Injustice
For the mourned
They watch in the night
For that glimpse
As the rising mist
Touch her aura
In a strange way
We rejoice
Watching her walking through the night
Whispering
You can’t see me
In the night all cats are grey.

He watched her walking through the night
Into the darkness of life
To the ever changing days
She glanced with the words trailing
You can’t see me
In the night all cats are grey
It’s always been that way
Did you see the sign
Walking towards
Like death walking towards that point
But going no further
Not when the gravestones scream
Injustice
For the mourned
They watch in the night
For that glimpse
As the rising mist
Touch her aura
In a strange way
We rejoice
Watching her walking through the night
Whispering
You can’t see me
In the night all cats are grey.

The night disturbed her

She looked around

A faint light inside the wardrobe caught her eye

She was drawn to it

Maybe the reflection off the street lights

She heard the voice

Raindrops in her mind

Pleading, don’t **** me

Please, don’t **** me

She awoke screaming

The same dream, night after night.

The thought haunted her at dusk

The piercing pain

The soothing voice of the nurse

Hurt so bad, she wanted to die

A part of her was gone

Her reflection shattered

Pieces too small to put back together

The nagging loneliness

The choking guilt

Rivers running down her face

Mum, why do I see myself in a dream

You don’t, you see your sister

She’s  eleven minutes younger than you

She  died within hours after birth.

                                                 Paul  Gaffney & Lily Nurmi.

She needs that drink to start the day
When the children play
To get away
Meetings, lunch, that **** report
The neverending stress
A drink to rest
She makes love like the dead
Her mind ahead
Major decisions racing instead
A drink to unwind
To go to bed
Tomorrow a drink to get ahead
Engagements, talks, drinks to go
The high powered girl has hit the low
Make up getting thicker now
Drink the crutch
Husband having an affair
It’s all too much
Drinks to get up
Starts to fall
Crashing down against the wall
Pulls herself up
In a daze
Looks in the mirror
In a haze
Sees a face
A slight trace
Pitiful tragic being
For the first time seeing
The ghost finally screaming
She stands up
The words would set her free
I am an alcoholic.

It all came crashing down around us
Someone had to fire the first shot
He wasn’t happy
You killed him, that’s all wrong
The first shot is always a warning, it’s war etiquette
So strange, mother would have loved him, he had manners
God, she would say, you eat like an animal, use your knife and fork
Football mum, need to rush, big game today, come and watch us, it’s life and death
They wanted our piece of the hill
We wanted their piece of the hill
Rush, rush, take the hill, how many bullets can you ****
He wants to talk to them, Mr etiquette
You would be proud of him mum
So polite
They shot him like a dog
Rush, rush, take the hill, how many bullets can you ****
We killed them all
It’s now our hill
Did you see me mum, did you see me score
Were you too busy with your other son..

I saw the partial tattoo, enta
She looked the part
Was this the honeytrap
Was it my time
Her name was Jill
Like mine was Bill
Part of the thrill
We lied until two
Then we knew
How the game would ensue
We left to pursue
Her dress sliding pure
Inviting, demure
Was it time
Was she mine
I let my hands caress
The final test
She arched to come in
Like the sin
The beautiful surrender
She smiled touching my face
Like she knew
Her arm revealing the true
Then I knew
The deadly Mojenta.

I put a deposit down on a house.
Great, whereabouts.
Mars.
Is that the name of the new estate we passed yesterday, when can we move in.
Eight or ten years.
What, who the hell’s building it, the seven dwarfs.
It’s on the planet Mars.
You bought a house on planet Mars, did you put a deposit down.
Yeah, ten thousand pounds.
My mother was right about you, twenty four carat *****, did you buy the Tower of london as well, maybe the Statue of liberty as an ornament.
Don’t be silly.
You’re calling me silly, I’ll be a laughing stock when my friends find out about this. I can hear them now, that’s Sally, her husband bought her a house on Mars. I should have married Geoffrey, he lives in a big house, and he’s sane.
He’s also gay.
I don’t care, I would have straightened him.
You really can be melodramatic at times.
Melodramatic, that’s it, you’re so dumped.
Right then, I’m going.
Great, if you hurry you’ll catch the 65 doing the planets run.
Phone rings, It’s mummy.
Hi honey how you doing.
Terrible mum, I’ve just thrown Paul out.
You should have done it years ago, the boys a *****.
I know, I’ll not tell you what he did.
Knowing him, it’ll be something spectacular, have you seen the news.
No I’m depressed enough.
You wouldn’t believe this, that estate agent up the high st was selling plots of land on Mars, they were going like hot cakes, they sold out in minutes.
That's why I threw him out mum, the idiot bought one.


The House Part 2

Oh darling, get him back, they tripled in price after ten minutes, they were saying they could be worth a million pounds in ten years time.
What, are you sure.
Yes, check the news.
Phone call to you know who.
Hi Paul where are you, sorry about throwing a wobbler, you sort of caught me on the hop.
Geoffrey’s putting me up.
What, did anybody see you going in.
Why.
You know why.
I don’t know why.
Never mind, when are you coming home.
Don’t know, Geoffrey says I can stay as long as I want.
Just say the word bike shed to Geoffrey.
Okay, Right he’s went a strange colour, think I’m coming home now.
Home.
Listen Paul I was thinking, wouldn’t it be great to start a family on Mars, or even keep it as an investment.
No, I've been thinking too, and you were right, it was a dumb idea, I sold it back to the estate agent.
What, how much for.
The same, ten thousand.
My mother was wrong about you, you’re a forty eight carat *****, do you know how much they plots are worth.
So it was just about the money.
Yes, you done one right thing in your life, then you undone it.
It’s only money Sally, we just put the deposit down on that new estate.
You put the money down yourself, I’ve decided to redump you.
Wow, I’ve never been redumped before.
Get used to it loser.
Next day - Phone call from the estate agent, Sally answers.
Just a message for Paul, that’s the gold taps installed, when would he like to see them.
What do you mean gold taps, he only put down a deposit.
No, he bought the house outright, three hundred thousand pounds.
Phone call to you know who.
Paul, Paul, I love you.
You are speaking to the answer machine of Paul, please leave a message after the splash of the Jacuzzi, though I may not hear you over the noise of the ladies netball team.

God it was sad
The guy next door just shot the howling dog
Now it howls no more
Dog lovers cried in vain
They came from far and wide
To pay homage
To the howling dog
That howls no more
The guy next door
Realised to late
The howling dog
Became his fate.

He always brought the subject up at the most inappropriate of times, usually when some **** was trying to **** us.
Are you a believer now.
If I get out of this, I’ll think about it. We got out of it.
God was looking after us.
I would like to think my rifle was looking after me, but if you think it was your god bolt, or Jesus sticker, I’m happy for you.
Why do you never use the word christian.
Probably cos I’m a non believer.
You don’t believe god saved you today.
No, I believe I saved me today.
Let me read you this passage from the bible.
I’m already reading my own bible, it’s called *******.
You do know that is demeaning to women.
I don’t know, did jesus not hang out with a prosey.
Jesus saved Mary, there is a difference.
Oh, touched a nerve there goddy boy.
I will pray for you.
Why do you people do that, why do you love sinners.
So we can show you the error of your ways.
Do you know what I think, I think you all get together at the weekends, you do all this god stuff, but it’s not really enough, cos you all agree with each other. so when I come along, and you convert me, it’s collective creaming. Am I right, or am I right.
Something tells me I will never convert you, but I’ll keep trying.
Why do you do all this bible bashing, I mean, you’re a great soldier, a thinker. that’s a rare breed in our game.
I want you to do something for me.
Is there a god involved.
Indirectly there is.
I’m intrigued, shoot.
If I die out here, I want you to go into my church and say goodbye to me.
How does that work, I don’t have to pray or anything do I.
No, you can run in if you want, say goodbye, and run out.
Okay it’s a deal, but I want you to do something for me if I die.
Okay then, what is it.
Right, I want you to go to the brothel. Now this is very important, I’m onto the Chinese race now, so you must do your best for me.
You know I can’t do that for you.
Just testing you. Okay I want you to go into the brothel, give the money over to the lady, explain how great I would have been if I was there in person. But under no circumstances try to convert her, none of that self gratification stuff.
Okay, it’s a deal.

Tell you what goddy boy, we could do with some divine intervention here, give your boss a shout. a small earthquake should do the trick.
So you’re a believer now.
If he kills all the baddies, I’ll convert yesterday.
See what I can do.
You’ve failed, let's get to **** outta here, c’mon, now’s not the time to pray. C’mon Michael, Michael.

The town was a *******. Not surprised you got out mate, I’ve only been here five minutes, and I want to top myself. The church had seen better days, half a roof, half of everything by the look of it. He loitered outside, trying to figure it all out. The walk in was a slow one. So strange, he felt like a child again, awkward to the point the words wouldn’t come out.
The priest saved him.
You look lost my son, can I help.
Yeah, I’ve come to say goodbye to a friend, Michael Sommers.
Ah_Michael will be sadly missed, he was helping to rebuild the church. As you can see, we’re slowly but surely getting there. In a strange way, Michael's death has really helped, he left everything to the church.
How much more do you need to finish the job.
Ten thousand pounds, then the restoration can begin.
Your lucky day father, Michael left me money to give to you, ten thousand pounds to be exact.
This is truly  a momentous day, you don’t know how much this will mean to the community. The spirit will return now.


You ******* Michael, I should have ran in, and ran out. There goes my month of high class immorality, I can just about afford a pint in your local pub now. Christ, I should have given the money to the pub, what a dump. The only saving grace was the girl serving behind the bar. Gives a pint of what you serve here.
We serve beer, the same as every other pub in the world.
Okay, gives a pint of your worldly beer.
Did you fall out the wrong side of the bed this morning.
I’ve had a bit of a shock.
You don’t look the sort of person who shocks easily.
I was in your local church.
Funny, you don’t look like the sort of person who frequents churches.
I’m not, I was saying goodbye to a friend.
Anybody I know.
Michael Sommers, I don’t suppose he came in here.
You mean, Micky Sommers.
I’m getting a sort of vibe here, did you know him.
Everybody knew Micky.
Tell me he tried to convert you to god.
No, that’s not the Micky we knew.
Okay, I’m getting that vibe again, fill me in.
Well, I suppose you could say, Micky was a nutcase.
What, no, we must be talking about a different guy.
I’m Micky’s ex, take my word for it, I watched him nearly **** three guys who got a bit out of order.
In what way.
They made remarks to me.
This is brilliant, glad I came in now.
You're like him, aren't you.
Listen, can I take you for a meal or something, tell you about the Michael I knew.
Well, there is only one restaurant in this town, it’s Chinese.
Fantastic, I’m sort into Chinese at the moment, eight o’clock okay for you.
Eight is fine.
Okay, see you then.

She was to good for you Michael. Christ a girl like that is to good for any guy. I’m going to lie like hell to her, tell her you changed cause you loved her. Christ, I would change for a girl like that. You look after me Michael in your new position now. Did I tell you I’m moving onto the Japanese race now..

Sunshine in your eyes has gone, gone away.
Strange the games we play when we walk away.
Yesterday the game was new.
Just me and you.
Now the honeymoon's through.
What do we do.
We walk away.
Then we say
It shouldn’t be this way
Love at first sight
Felt so right
Not anymore
As you open the door
Now the split is deep
The wounds begin to weep
The way back has gone
Now we sit upon
The memories that never were
Did we care
We play it out online
Your team against mine
So strange, is it really us
The couple on the bus
The future ahead
So rosy and red
Ten years later
A chance meet
In the street
We lie about life
Trouble and strife
Walk away
Without a care
Turn and wave
Pause
Two kids on the bus
Going all the way
All the way
To that future day
The day they would never see
Wasn’t to be
life was stronger than them both
As it always is.

I definitely won't be inviting you into my bed
I definitely won’t be making love with you
I definitely, definitely, definitely
You make me smile
Brought me back
Put the light back into my life
Seems strange I had to go through the pain to meet you
Life is a paradox I suppose
Tonight I’ll make you a special meal
Nice bottle of wine
You’ll tell me outrageous stories
That can't possible be true
Well I hope they’re not true
I’ll laugh and cry
Say thanks a thousand times more than I should
You’ll say I’m ready
Time to fly
I know
It’s been a journey
Just one last thing to do
I definitely won't be inviting you into my bed
I definitely won’t be making love with you
In the morning I’ll whisper in your ear
I love you
Later on
I’ll rejoin the world.

The grave was freshly dug

Just awaiting the arrival of the body

Four Ghosts stood silent in wait

They had waited a long time

The waiting was over

The gravestone would remain nameless

There would be no mourners

No prayers goodbye

The body was checked for the final time

A customerly nod would start proceedings

The coffin was placed into the hole

The gravediggers quickly shovelled the earth back into place.

No words were spoken

Satisfied, they left

Four Ghosts stood silent in wait

They had waited a long time.

The waiting was over

Four Ghosts

Now

Became

Five.

He would beat her up for the last time
It wouldn’t be hard to provoke him
The usual wrong word did it most days

Why do you make me do this
What is wrong with you
Forgive me

She would enjoy this one
The very last one

Bought you flowers
You know I love you

Do you

What the hell does that mean
What the hell

The drug would temporarily paralyse him
Enough time for her needs
He punched with his right fist
She cut off his arm
The odd kick with his right
She cut off his leg
He came round screaming
How you doing babe
You in pain
Don’t worry, it’ll pass

Ambulance, get me an ambulance

Say the word

Please, please

No, not that word
The other word, I love you, that one

I love you, ambulance, please please

Babe, why did you make me do this, forgive me
Just going to take the tourniquets  off
I’ll put them up here
If you get them, be quick
Remember to release them every fifteen minutes
Oh, one more thing
Love you babe.

He would beat her up for the last time
It wouldn’t be hard to provoke him
The usual wrong word did it most days

Why do you make me do this
What is wrong with you
Forgive me

She would enjoy this one
The very last one

Bought you flowers
You know I love you

Do you

What the hell does that mean
What the hell

The drug would temporarily paralyse him
Enough time for her needs
He punched with his right fist
She cut off his arm
The odd kick with his right
She cut off his leg
He came round screaming
How you doing babe
You in pain
Don’t worry, it’ll pass

Ambulance, get me an ambulance

Say the word

Please, please

No, not that word
The other word, I love you, that one

I love you, ambulance, please please

Babe, why did you make me do this, forgive me
Just going to take the tourniquets  off
I’ll put them up here
If you get them, be quick
Remember to release them every fifteen minutes
Oh, one more thing
Love you babe.

Would the happy couple like to come onto the floor for the first dance
Do you take this woman
Would the man in the crowd like to join them for his last waltz
I now pronounce you
The last waltz
No words to be spoken, he promised
Instead, he watched as she danced out of his life forever
She couldn’t keep his eyes from talking, not now
Does he catch your tears and build an ocean
Does he touch your face when you are sleeping
Does he know your spot of misadventure
Does he, does he, does he
The night drinks to life that should have been
The last dance
Would the happy couple come onto the floor for the final time
Mr and Mrs
Would the man in the crowd like to die now
The final goodbye
You look
Shhhh
She presses
Keepsake
Something Blue.

Some days I stay in and mourn
To days when life was six cans and bottle of whisky chaser
I could rule the world through glazed irresponsibility
Turn black to white
People listened for a time
Spellbound by my righteous generosity
Those were the days
When dictators ruled the world
Inside my head
Now I rule the room
Fully padded wall to wall
Life in glorious technicolor
I give lectures to students
Watch their eyes  as they stumble through questions
Too dangerous for living souls
They see the eternal dead
Within my presence
Touching their inner being
For a time I’m back on top
Giving reason to the glorious dead
All lined up waiting
Waiting
Waiting for that answer
Yet surely they know
They were there
For a time
That’s the problem with the dead
They always want answers
Someday the world will know the truth
Or at least a version
Leaving a slight myth
To a created legend.

I put it all in a letter
The reason for the end
You would move on in time
Seemed easier just to send
The coward’s way i know
But that the way it goes
Life is what it is
Forever moving
No time to reminisce
The train was ready to depart
When he heard the news
That broke his heart
A girl had jumped from a top floor apartment
The letter by her side
Such a shame
So young
Far too young to die
The text came through
Where are you
He kept staring at it
Is it you
What’s wrong, did you forget Gina’s engagement
No, i got held up, rushing to you my love
Just you and me
Like it was meant to be.

It was great for a time
*** and wine
Wine and ***
Then commitment and open and shut curtains.
Special delivery of child made the bond complete
Six months down the line
Breast feeding was action watched from a distance
Intimacy was a tired look
The neighbours cat looked hot
Killed the lonely nights
Killed the commitment outright
Got to know the lawyer through rapid bank withdrawals
Weekly child visit watched over by Brutus
Bar visits watched over by the world's condemned
Special occasion became a twice yearly treat
Birthday and Christmas, bit of hate thrown sideways.
Then the new man.
Felt good for her.
Maybe some pressure off.
Maybe missed that lobotomy bar lecture.
Years dragged the hate forward.
Time moved on.
One day I wrote her a letter expressing my anger.
She wrote back in triplicate.
I wrote back in double triplicate.
She sent a thesis on men and *****.
Suddenly without thinking, we had dialogue.
After a while, we moved on from the anger.
We became human again.
I actually liked writing her letters and receiving them.
We never got back together.
But the letters kept us close.
Sometimes there would be a kiss at the end.
The little bit of love I probably never deserved.
I would mention it to her in my next letter.
Even an *** deserves a solitary kiss now and again.
The bar room lawyers would probably agree.

It was a light bulb moment
I’d asked her out about a hundred times
She always said no
So I didn't ask her again
She married that other guy
That’ll teach her.

All the little soldiers walking in a row
Where they are heading, nobody knows
He tried to satisfy her
She tried to blow
But he was killing all the little soldiers
She didn’t know
Now the little soldiers were walking in his head
Every single day
Pretending to be dead
She needed love
But he was dead below
What could she do
She didn’t know
All the little soldiers tried to explain
They were just going home
Now they’re dead in vain
He couldn’t satisfy her
No matter how hard he tried
He couldn’t satisfy her
It was like everything had died
All the little soldiers walking in a row
Heading up to heaven
Waving as they go
He started to cry
She walked away
All the little soldiers walking in a row
Stopped before the gates
Waiting till he showed
He was now at peace
Forgiveness was bestowed
All the little soldiers walking in a row.

A little bit of hash aint no trash
Mother needs that little yellow pill to keep her still
L. S.D it just doesn't agree
Father works so hard, I find it sad
Purple heart, not a bad start
Sister’s going to complain, boyfriend didn’t turn up again
Tonight it must be speed, such greed
Mothers going to bed, she’s going to rest her head
I’ll try *******, it sends me insane
Fathers going to say, well son, how was it today
I’ll smoke some grass, let life pass
My sisters has to say, you don’t look to well these days
Well, it looks like it must be Babs
Especially now I'm sad
Mother’s dying, Father’s crying, Sister’s ill
I think it must be the little yellow pill.

The man on the bridge is in between life and death.
Such a fine line.
Where did the hope end.
Did it begin.

The man on the bridge is in between life and death.
Is it too late.
Would words change your fate
Would you wait

The man on the bridge is in between life and death
The moment has come
Seconds to die
Just tell me why

The man on the bridge is in between life and death
You don’t want to know
Is it worth your life
I think so

The man on the bridge is in between life and death
He has made up his mind
Thank you for being so kind
The man on the bridge.

5 am you woke me up, to meditate.

I thought someone had died, someone had, me.

It was the ultimate time, you said.

Looking down, I had to disagree.

Can you feel the energy, she said.

I can’t feel myself, go away.

This is a window of opportunity she said.

There was a window.

Let us breathe she said.

This had never happened before, nutcase  came to mind.

What is your mantra she said.

What is my name I said.

No, you have to reach out, draw in the energy.

I am going to reach out, it won’t be pretty.

Let me take you on a journey, join me.

I’ll phone you a taxi, blast, it’s your house, I’ll phone me a taxi.

If we connect the *** will be out of this world.

Okay, through the delirium I heard the S word

Mmmm feel it, Mmmm, feel it, Mmmm, can you feel it.

I can definitely feel something.

It’s getting stronger, we are one.

We definitely are.

We must connect.

We definitely must.

Before my husband comes off the nightshift.

Thought I heard the H word there.

Let us be one.

Let us wind back to the husband.

He is but a component in time.

What time does this component come home at.

Six, but it’s okay, he’s gay.

Thought I heard the G word there.

He likes to join in, which can be a pain.

When you say join in, what do you mean.

In the mantra, he likes to join in in the mantra.