He is an unpopular character this old man
Who sits and draw cartoon character
in memories of the dearly departed.

He said that he felt like crying,
but he wasn’t going to cry
Because if he did,
he might not like the taste of his tears
Those loose cells in the tears
is mostly of his mother and father.

He resented  them for not aborting him
He wishes that he was never was born.
Due to the facts that all his life he was scorned

He was in and out of intuition
Always in a state of confusion
Month too months he never saw the sun
He never felt the rain upon his face,
Only long session with the nurses and the
Physiatrist who thought of him as a disgrace

He recalled taking the train for the first time at age fifteen
And that didn’t turn out as expected,
He wets his pant, so he sat in his seat and slaps his head furiously
He was spanked by the nuns, ridiculed by Sister Margaret the head hunter,
Got a huge ****** thermometer roughly up his **** by a ******* dude
Suffered daily due to his severe autism behaviors

He is an unpopular character this old man
Who sits and draw cartoon character
of all his childhood abusers:

The snow that once left soft curves
On top of everything ugly,
Had melted away
The world was full and empty at the same time.
Everything was solid yet up in the air
It felt like anything could happen.

There was nothing here aside
From a clean slate.
You know the kind, you never wanted.
A smile of contentment for things left behind
And a sting of sorrow for the things
You weren't ready to lose.

Suddenly the world was full of everything
You had always neglected about yourself.
There was air, the cold kind, that hurts your lungs
Empty of a warm promise yet full
Of a truth, kindly smiling at you.

You smile back, in realization
Life so bleak, suddenly looks
Like clouds are lifting
Warm air heading your way
Touching skin sadly neglected

The road stretching beyond reach
Leaving the truth far behind
Like yesterday's past
The snow that once left soft curves
On top of everything ugly
Now fades into a distant memory.

It was great for a time
*** and wine
Wine and ***
Then commitment and open and shut curtains.
Special delivery of child made the bond complete
Six months down the line
Breast feeding was action watched from a distance
Intimacy was a tired look
The neighbours cat looked hot
Killed the lonely nights
Killed the commitment outright
Got to know the lawyer through rapid bank withdrawals
Weekly child visit watched over by Brutus
Bar visits watched over by the world's condemned
Special occasion became a twice yearly treat
Birthday and Christmas, bit of hate thrown sideways.
Then the new man.
Felt good for her.
Maybe some pressure off.
Maybe missed that lobotomy bar lecture.
Years dragged the hate forward.
Time moved on.
One day I wrote her a letter expressing my anger.
She wrote back in triplicate.
I wrote back in double triplicate.
She sent a thesis on men and *****.
Suddenly without thinking, we had dialogue.
After a while, we moved on from the anger.
We became human again.
I actually liked writing her letters and receiving them.
We never got back together.
But the letters kept us close.
Sometimes there would be a kiss at the end.
The little bit of love I probably never deserved.
I would mention it to her in my next letter.
Even an *** deserves a solitary kiss now and again.
The bar room lawyers would probably agree.

She had that "impress me" vibe over her.
If only she could be impressed by anything I knew about.
If only she cared of my dazzeling good looks.
And my smooth lines.

If only I could make her head turn.
But she never looked.
I could never say anything
That stirred her heart.
She was that conquest we all wanted
But could never have
So we never admitted to really wanting her.

she's not that easy, she's too smart

And boy was she ever smart.
Nothing I could do, surprised her.
She was one step ahead.
So I took her down, like a good sportsman
Or hunter who takes down a gazelle.
But she never quivered.
She never admitted that anything I had done
Really impacted her.

She smiled like statues smile
She looked right through us
Like an x-ray scanner
And we felt small
Insignificant.
And we took distance
She was the only thing
I could never figure out completely.
She was the hero
Who never showed her face
And Villain who never told anyone
She had a beautiful heart aside a beautiful face.

The illusion of a woman was embodied within her.

The moon was at its brightest
Strange things happen with a full moon
The mad go insane
The insane go mad
She said the relationship would never last
I counted nineteen minutes on the clock
It’s your planetary status
Is it an earthling thing
No, not in the physical sense
Are we talking nuts and bolts here, me being the bolt
Yes you’ve got it, you’re not out there
When you say out there, are we talking moon walking
Not in the physical sense, more moon flying
What happened to your last boyfriend
I lost him in the ethos
Did you never think to look for him
No, once they go in, that’s it, you never see them again
Does the full moon affect you in any way
Yes, i shed my skin when the moon is full
Do you have to get naked for that. I mean can anyone join you
Only the soul searchers can join me. Are you a soul searcher.
A few more beers and i’ll be an extraterrestrial
Alas the wanting in you is waning, the star so bright now fades into the night
Is that a polite way of saying you’re dumped.
Not in the physical sense.
Oh i see, i’ve walked into the ethos. Should have seen that coming. Well it was nice knowing you for twenty five minutes. Definitely need a large drink now. Maybe pop into the shop on the way home. Pick up a milky way, maybe a mars bar too.

Be more Yin*
I heard a whisper in my heart
In my head, in my gut.
Suppose when you hit rock bottom
Any suggestion can help.

I loved myself for what seemed
Like the first time
Sure I had thought I loved myself
But this was different.
There was acceptance
For my mistakes and flaws.
There were soft words in my mouth.

There came to pass
A deep lack of fear.
And a question as to why.
I wondered where it all came from.
What if I lost everything?
Would it **** me?
No.
What I need is a matter
Of an individual perspective.
Do I need what I think I need?

And what if it did **** me?
Would I notice?
No.
Would others notice?
Sure, but they will one day
Die too.
Would they miss me?
Yes but will it **** them?
No.

Come to think of it...
The worst thing that could happen to me
Has already come to pass
More times than I care to remember.
But did I die?
No.
So in conclution...
The worst thing that could happen to me
Doesn't really exist.

It's a figment of my imagination.

You’ve got to make the body fit the box
Don’t cheat, don’t lose the shoes and socks
No point killing six foot Joe
If five feet ten is the space to go
It’s not Mary's time
She’s still in her prime
Jack’s a popular name
To be in the frame
They say no Jack’s the same
It’s like some sick game
Alas, it’s not Jack today
Shame though, he had a lot to say
No, today it’s going to be Mitch
The dog who stole my *****
Five foot ten in his socks
Boy’ he’s in for a shock
He just won't know
Not till the final blow
Going to bury him deep
Watch the ***** weep
The deed is done
Now for some fun
Okay, maybe whacked the wrong guy
Seems the snitch told a lie
That's a blow
Still, that’s the way it goes
Now i need another box
New measurements
Maybe some socks
Someone will pay
At the end of the day
Well what do you know
Turned out to be six foot Joe
Now five foot ten
You'd never know
Could have been a whole lot worse
He could have been poor Mitch
Fitting snug
Between the *****.