What if we were to
Give everyone in our hearts
A number as a name?
Each of these numbers
Multiplied by each other
Would give us a result
That defines
Who we have become
And how we live our lives,
How we make our choices.

Maybe mum is a 5
And dad is a 2
Maybe my two home girls
Are an 8 and a 7.
And my sisters
Are a 3 and a 4
Then I would be 6720.
Maybe I'm a 9 to someone else...
But this is not what defines me
But rather how I define others.
My impact on them.

Someone once said
That all is nothing
And nothing is all.
To find out what "nothing" means
We must first ask
What "everything" means.
Maybe we all just want to be a 0.
That perfect stadium
Of being everything and nothing
All at once.
The perfect balance
The golden middle way.
The Source.

So then if you
Make me feel
Like I can no longer
Be defined by exterior digits
Then are you multiplying
My whole life and everything in it
By 0, thus making me 0?
Does it mean that the way
To the perfect balance
Is to let the numbers be what they are
And letting you neutralize me
And render me to nothing
And everything all at once?

Momma is kind
Momma is soft
Momma held me close
She made the tears stop
She ended the hunger pain
With her own body
Momma said with a smile
"It's gonna be ok"
Momma said
"I love you baby girl"
She's my favourite in the world
She is the founding force
Of my very existence
She and my daddy.
She's the most beautiful woman
I have ever seen
I am her and she is me
So then I must be pretty too, right?
Momma is always right
Momma knows it all...
Momma looked in the mirror and said
"Oh God I'm ugly and fat, what does your father see in me?"

That sad lament flickering through her day
Buried deep, but not deep enough
Folded flag, a reminder of the love never returned
Death the escape, but still the prisoner
Married to the ego
Maybe both
The beauty queen, ugly inside
She heard the words. One ego, that’s a bang. Two ego’s, that’s an explosion.
He would wait for her, he liked the ugly side
How did he know the ending
She didn’t know, and she was living it
The flags, the medals, the shiny crown
He threw his in the river, went back to his old life
She didn’t understand how he could do that
He was part of it
They were all part of it
She was kidding herself
Like the crown that defined her
Living on memories
Waiting out time
She wanted life
The war hero’s widow
They would put that on her gravestone
She began to understand him now
He was free
He’d won his war
Now he was waiting for her to win hers
Her own freedom
The sun was shining the day she handed the flag and medals to his mum
The walk over the bridge would finally set her free
The crown didn’t make much of a splash
No bang, no explosion
Just so much more
He liked her ugly side
She liked that just fine.

The woman’s talking gallstones
He’s going on about his eyes
That one’s under the doctor
What does that mean
She doesn’t understand the younger generation
The price of fish
She’s come in with her leg
That caught my attention
Does she have three
He came in with his leg last week, now its his arm
Her daughters pregnant with triplets
For some reason i imagined them doing it three times that night
Hospital food is still awful
Maybe it’s the price of fish
You don’t want admitted on a Monday
Note to body, heart attack Tuesday onwards
You don’t want that Dr Campbell
I had him last week
Doctor Baker is nice
My goldfish died
That happened to my dog
Wonder if it ate the goldfish
My doctor's experimenting on me
Sure the medical board don’t allow that
Okay, all hell's broke loose
Dr Campbell has taken a heart attack
On a Monday as well
Poor Dr Campbell, he was so nice
Well that’s the kettle calling the *** black
What’s wrong with you son
Well i thought i was going nuts
But I’ve now made a remarkable recovery.

If that night could remember
it would call him back
to our Chinese restaurant
to fried rice and steaming tea
to our winter refuge of tile and cushions
60s retro black and white
Chrome legs of lacquered tables
with its mural of
our Great Wall

...winding, distant, wonder

If the snow hadn't muffled all
but our voices
we would not be—

so alone

Only I
felt his arm take its chance
around my shoulder
Guiding warmth
as good excuse as any
to touch

Two miles on foot
An arc in time
In lace of white
to hide— what might....

Below my window
“Good Night”
not enough
for troubadour
singing, pleading, stumbling...

(I worry about his long way home)

...and hardly notice...

How gently Time joins Snow
as if they cannot bare
instead, conspire
Decide the crystals
Send the flakes to sift over him

This loss needs snow
to blur his face
to fade from view....

This— tender let-down from the sky
As only snow can do...

Cover with beauty

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6o6zMPLcXZ8

I don't know for sure
What it all means
But there's something
About your gaze
The emotions on your face
There's a softness
Within you
That sends shivers
Down my spine.

Maybe it's in your eyes
I just can't figure out
What color they are
Blue maybe green...
Can't hold your gaze
Even for a second.
Watching you opens my heart...
So what now?
Can't be angry or sad
Just like to linger in your scent...

But something is different
Because I hear music
For the first time in years
I mean to really hear
I felt this strange sensation
In my heart, I just couldn't
Put my finger on it
I guess I called it hope...
yeah, it must've been hope.

There's peace too...
When I think of you.
Just can't say a word
Nothing will come out.
I shrug my sholders,
I guess I'm doomed.
What is there to be done?
I'm *******.