i dont know what to write
i never learned to feel
i cant think the same
recently ive learned
to just write sloppy
like ink just spilling facts onto a page
that might work for the essays i write in school
but it doesnt work to escape the demons of my mind
i write to help myself cope
but when these demons keep me from writting
i start to feel defeated
maybe they finally won
with these thoughts ive lost
i never thought i wouild lose passion for writting
until i was blocked

Every day started the same,
Every morning i woke up to the sounds of the city
Everyday i would ride the same bus
Everyday i would sit in the same seat by the same friend
Everyday i would see the river on my way
Everyday i would walk into the school with a smile
Everyday i would wait for my friends to arrive
Everyday i feel in love with one i would never have
Everyday i walked to the same classes
Everyday i walked the same halls
Everyday i walked the same route to pass my friends
Everyday i took the same bus
Everyday i would play the same games
Everyday i would talk to the same online friends
Everyday i would get ready to sleep
Everyday before i slept i would want the day to end
Everyday
Every week
Every month
but one day my world was shaken
my world crumbled to pieces i thought "its not big deal"
come winter break i would move
away from those i grew fond of spending every day with
so we spent one last day
then it was all over
now everything is different
i still walk a hall
i still meet my friends
i go to my classes
but this time
i feel empty
it feels fake
ive been trying to be happy
ive lied to myself to create fake happy
and now its falling apart
it flaking away
the ones i once loved have grown farther
its starting to decay
Everyday i now, wish i were dead

i don't know why
but i feel like i'm going to die
it feels like we are slowly dying all the time
because we are
so don't leave me
put our shoulders awkwardly together in the theater one more time
because i miss you
we were too awkward to hold hands
we both wanted to
but stay
please
i don't know why it feels like i'm slowly dying
i think its because i am

when i met him,
he made my stomach turn,
i felt like flowers grew out from my gut,
we talked until 4 am,
you are the reason i am still alive,
i wish you would say something,
but instead we sit on a floor
picking through our thoughts
collecting pictures of the memories we have shared
i never thought you would feel the same yet you did
you loved me
and i loved you
what more is there to ask for
your smile was like a wave of gold
and your brown eyes shining in the sun
they turned into ember
i loved you form your deep soul
all the way down to your poetic stare
i guess i would call this love,

How long do we have to sail to reach your heart?
They said the roads were paved with gold
But all I can see are the wet crushed leaves
the autumn sent crushes my heart
the feeling of warm cider hitting my lips
the way you smiled and hid your face in your cream colored scarf
your smile is the prettiest
so why hide it?
you always had a tired look
in your long sweater sleeves
large and soft
i can only imagine resting my head against your chest
but your gone
you left with the leaves
now they are wet as we can all feel the cold snow breeze
soggy on the dark tar roads
i miss you