You are on my mind
I think about our good times
Now my heart is heavy

Do not mistake my calm demeanor for indifference.
I act this way for your sake.
I act this way to keep others strong.
Ha. truthfully I act this way so I don't break .
Because if I let down this facade this wall of false confidence and blinded faults my cap will pop all my bottled emotions a suffocated dreams that I convinced myself I had buried will surface in all there pitiful glory.

Do not confuse my Belligerent tone for anger.
I'm speaking this way because I'm ashamed .
I'm speaking this way to hide my weakness.
The bigger the bark the smaller the bite right?
So if I shout louder with even more malice in my voice it won't hurt as bad.

Do not assume my placebo is a truth.
I see what I believe and relate to what I don't.
I lie to soften the blunt force of a whole truth .
I cry these crocodile tears to hide my true sorrow .

You can't believe every thing you hear but all you see right?
So I'm happy because all you see is a smile so I guess you are too happy that is.

A map is used to find direction and your current position. I find you can get all this from listening to RAP,
Now RAP is to me rhythm and poetry which can be changed to music and poetry(MAP) but we are taught that rap has no meaning in the bigger picture when in fact it paints the current picture

Now we only have our position how can this be a map? In life you find direction for oneself so how could this differ? Rap lets you know where you are so you can know where to go because life is change,
Not only to acquire fame but those who make the biggest change are the ones who are most famous, that's your direction not fame but to make change.

So we have direction and position proving RAP can be thought as a lyrical MAP

We desire the things that will destroy us in the end

It's funny how we protect those who hurt us I think it's because we think there constantly trying to change that imperfection we have with in us how ironic

They told me it would be fun I wouldn't ever forget the feeling, this feeling, they said I'd be cool if I did it, and how I feel cool  the cold night air as soft as cotton when it touches my skin but as sharp as knives as the cool cuts to the bone I can see every thing clear as day as if the sun was at my back showing me a new perspective I think that's why I can see the stars shiny behind the thick clouds. I can almost hear them whisper their singing heavenly tunes with the rushing river playing percussion with the river rocks which drummed and the claps of the rips which match every color I've ever seen even the new ones in front of me

i feel like i could fly and belive me i tried every time i landed the grass under my bare cold feet were having tickle  fights with my toes there rugged wet tips almost like a dogs tounge licked and my soles they were winning, I the meekest of the meek was now the king of all I Survey and as I watched my kingdom of color, shape and sound they started to take shape of my "friends" all laughing with tears in there eyes I thought it was another one of my renditions of how I perceive things them seemed so real I could almost feel their breaths as they laughed even more hysterically their laughter seemed to shack me to my core so I called out to ask what was the joke

the sky spits at me with great disgust I want to ask why but I could not hear my self over the now screams of my "friends" they matched the screams of banshies and nails on a chalk board I mixture of millions of off pitch  piano keys I was In pain a pain I had never experienced before it was every were on my body no fixed place no origin site but raw utter pain I held with all my might it still was no competition for there screeches, I wanted so much to rip off my ears but befor I could for a brief moment i felt at peace one with all and all in me then every thing went black no songs now vivid colors no feeling of anything just darkness then when I woke I saw a bright light took me a second to realize I was back to normal the sun was up but it did not greet me the grass was cool but it didn't fight I felt lonely I check my phone for any massages,

"how was it""do you want more" I  thought about all the hell I went through all the pain I felt then I remembered that feeling I wanted to feel it again no I needed to feel it again so with out a second thought I answered "yes"  it's funny how we want what will destroy us in the end it's just human nature

Is this what love is
To be in a ****** fray
To be sure one checks

I am a boy who doesn't know the worth of a dollar

I play my part.

I am a friend who is there for his even if they don't know

I play my part.

I am a lover who knows how to lift your spirt even when the love is only shared by me

I play my part.

I am a console to those who think they are alone

I play my part.

I am an ingrate who doesn't appreciate the sacrifices you have made

I play my part.

I am a smile that hides the sadness on the other side

I play my part.

I am the one who listens even when no words are spoken

I play my part.

I am a hypocrite who preaches but rarely practices

I play my part.

I know what I want and never what I need

I play my part.

I am who I am so no one can say I am worthless because,
I play my part.

We want what we can't  have.
I want to be more then what i am.
I want to be more like what you want.
You want what seems like perfection.
You want me when I'm not around
But when I'm home I'm not good enough?
I want to give you what you want and need,I can't, I try my best.

We want something that's as epic as Romeo and Juliet but we end up like Adam and Eve.
Bringing nothing but turmoil to our world , or is it just on my end am I weak ,is that my flaw?,

I feel to much even when there is nothing there?
I want to know your secret.
How are you so Unphased by what's happening?
You want to know why I try so hard
I'll give you the answer...
I want to be happy.
I want to live in bliss.
I want you.
You want the same but it seems not with me,
the irony.