I am ready for anything...
Except death
Why not death?
Death is the one place where an “I” cannot reside

What’s sleep for you?
A warm tender embrace with arms held wide? Or a octagon where winner is the one who vanquishes the other?

A typing computer
with fingers on the other side

Fingers that are telling me
all the love they don’t have

the way you used to hold me in your arms
you accepted for me
and so much more
but that's not how it's gonna be



I accepted you
accept me
you just go and exempt me

I am

The angle of life
the demon of death

The blind man
sees me walking across the street

Me, a legless dance
that skips to the beat of a deaf composer

She reads a white page
She asks why it sings

I am the paradox
of all things

I am a god a goddess the light the dark
The striving the thriving when we are apart

Me and I we reach for each other
each caught up, promised one to another

I have the drive to strive to be alive to live a life worth living.
One of glory of peace of a nice warm fleece
A sock laid down by the fire

I have the drive to thrive and dive into the hive of my mind.
A place where life resides and death awaits
behind the line, beneath the fence, beyond the gate

I Doubt?
Am I really the one that's doing the doubting
I look up and down and all around and yet all I see is this abyss
of pain and fear and envy and worry
Am I really doing the doubting or is this just another matrix?

I Think?
Am I really the one that's doing the doubting
Sometimes I look out into my mind and it's clear as day
But then there's now when everything thing seems as a wall with no window
These days everything seems to fade away

Love divorces one person from another

At first, you think you loved the person
then you realize you loved the love

Love breaks
Love tears down
Love destroys a heart and leaves it on the ground

Love separates the two --
the person loved and the other

When the loved is gone
There remains only you
and the battlefield of hearts

I wouldn't give that battle up for anything
it was a privilege to be broken by you
it was an honor to love and die
it was my joy to be the one you called late at night.
never again

I discovered that my life could be best described as a dull green. You may ask how I came to this revelation. It involved a disgruntled walrus birthing a kangaroo, the idea of a concept of a long story, and flippers. Unfortunately, I only have fifty words to tell you.

She jumped out of bed sweat on her head. All around her, her hair falling away. Her daughter walks through the door to say “goodbye.”

That morning she awoke. It was just a dream.

Five months later she stepped into her hairless daughter’s room to say goodbye… One last time.

look at the title

POWER

I have the drive to strive to be alive to have the right to live a life worth living.
One of glory one of peace of a nice warm fleece
A sock laid down by the fire

I have the drive to thrive and dive into the hive of my mind.
A place where life resides and death awaits
behind the line, beneath the fence, beyond the gates

I have the drive to be alive to push myself and to survive.
A challenge once excepted can never be neglected
I accept you as you are now please let that be reflected

I have the drive to contrive a kinder life that I'll revive
one of peace and of love. Without deceit of

Goodbye

I am a GOD
I am a GODDESS

the light the dark
The striving the thriving when we are apart

Me and I we reach for each other
each caught up promised one to another

I am

The mundane of life
the flame of death

The blind man
sees me prance across the street

Me, a legless dancer
that skips to the deaf composers beat

She reads a white page
She asks why it sings

I am the paradox
of all things

You were supposed to be my guide.
I was the one to tuck you into bed tonight.
I was the one who watched the sunset turn to day.
That night you kissed my lips I knew we’d be okay.
I thought I’d spend my nights with you we’d cuddle all the time.
I thought that within your love i would reside.

I used to be the one you called till five.
We used to sing songs of stars and walks at night.
Now you’re gone I don’t know how to stay alive.
I used to ask why you cried at night.
I was always willing to drive to your side
I don’t know how to say goodbye.

I remember the nights you hold me tight.
In your arms.
I reach my arm around your back.
You said I’m cold don’t hold back.
That night I kissed your lips.
Then I left you in my mind.

Tears filling the gaps I couldn’t reside.
You say your fine with how you are.
I’m fine with me and myself and I.
What about how we used to be?
I remember when we FaceTimed until three.
And then I'd sleep.

You’d laugh and say just go to bed.
I’d say I’m tired but please bother me.
No one is rather break my heart.
But you.
And you’ve done it too.

You say "I’ll never leave your side."
Now you’ve gone and done it too.
Even though it was a one time deal.
It’s hard enough to lose you.
I can’t imagine what I’d do if you found someone else for you.

I don’t think I could ever go back to the way that we used laugh. The way I used to hold you in my arms.
I’d think back and see how you broke my heart.
I would never trust again.
Not to do it all again.

I know it’s not just you who deceived.
Your parents and society.
I would have never stopped loving you.
If you wanted me to.

Now you’re a different person in my mind.
I loved the something, something inside.
You used to be the one I held so tight.
Now another friend waves goodbye.

Cause it’s not like you changed your face your name or the way you walk.
But when I see your face you’ve changed from the someone I used to hold.
I thought I’d never fall in love.

There’s no more love to hold my heart.
No more love to hold me when I cry.
No more love to kiss me late at night.
No more love to warm my freezing mind.
Goodbye my love.
Goodbye my life.
I’ll live on.
Live on without you.
But I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone to replace.

It struck me like a vacuum
Out of the love that surrounded me
it ****** it all away

I REMEMBERED...

I REMEMBERED how your breath felt against

I REMEMBERED how your lips tasted of chap stick (I was never quite sure of what kind)

I REMEMBERED the ice cream swirl of epiphanies brought about by your laugh.

I REMEMBERED "how lucky am I to have someone that makes saying goodbye so hard"

I REMEMBERED crying in your arms

I REMEMBERED how we would stay up until ungodly hours speaking of life

I REMEMBERED how you showed me that I could feel.
That there wasn't just gray but rather a beautiful, wonderful, colorful swirl of pain and joy and kindness all around us.

I REMEMBERED the joking scoldings when I fell asleep

I REMEMBERED being able to complement you. When I could so "no!!! You don't look weird!!! You look gorgeous!". Then you would awkwardly try to push the complement away

I REMEMBERED how we used to talk. I was always knowing you better

Now: we are stagnant
Now: I am gray
Now: I am crying

The vacuum of remembrance
the only vacuum that gives to take away

We fool ourselves with the small things
But joy is never foolish

I sink deep
Out my tears leap

You slumped on the floor
With bottle by the door

Your sobs unheard, masked by the pain
A single glass window between you and the sane

I ask if you drank the pain,
swallowed the death,
lived a life,
cut the flesh,
drew the blood,
or... can I help you out of the ******* down mud

Life happens for you
Death comes no matter what you do

So, take the time you need
Process, but don't plead

Take a moment
Stand on your feet
See that wasn't hard
Just one small feat

Feel your legs
Touch your chest
Dance a bit
Try your best

After all, if you do
That's all anyone can ask of you

Now take a step
Then another
Keep on stepping
Live your life for no other

You see: a splotch of failure, a bucket of pain,
A skosh of contentment, and a clump of gain

Life is all of these, but it depends
On an ocean of life, a mountain of friends

So, when you lay in bed at night
With the knife pressed to your windpipe
When hope of life seems foregone
Drop the knife and carry on

Writing my soul out
Writing my tears out
Writing my thoughts out
Writing my emotions out

It won’t go out

I want my heart out
My pain out
It all to stop  
To be numb

But I can’t so I lie in bed
Unsleeping
Unmoving except to write it out

I write my soul out
I write my tears out...
And so it begins

Everyone except me accepts
me for who I am
I need to exempt myself
from the exemplary
Don’t focus on exempting me
Just focus on accepting me for me

Everyone meets...
except me

Everyone laughs...
except me

Everyone loves...
except me

Everyone everything...
except me
ACCEPT ME

What is love
I'm not sure

I said I yearned
You said let's adjourn

We've never met in court since

Plunge beneath the surface
sink yourself deeper

Your lungs give out
you need to breath

The current flexes its fingers
tighter around you

You **** in
You breathe out
The tide comes in
The life goes out

who’s to say that your own existence
is all that exists
and we’re making up this reality for your own sanity

Howdy doodie doo?
How are you?
What are you thinking?
What can I do?

Everyone...
except me.
Accept me.

I don’t know the words to say
Each time I open up my mind pushes me away
It’s there’s a lock down in my mind
My thoughts are left there always to reside

Your life happens to you
Your death happens to everyone else

You see, muscle, muscle is created by repeating lifting things that have been designed to weigh us down, so when your shoulder is feeling heavy, stand up straight, lift your chin, hell, call it exercise.

Remember that life is a gym membership with a really complicated cancellation policy.
Remember that you will survive.
Remember, things could be worse.
Remember, we have never ever given anything that we can’t handle.
When the world crumbles around you, you have to look at the wreckage, and then build a new one out of all the pieces that are still here.
Remember, you are still here.

The human heart beats approximately 4000 times per hour, and each pulse, each throb, each palpitation is a trophy, engraved with the words, You Are Still Alive.
You are still alive.
Act like it.

Life is a series of idles,
waiting for something to happen

Find someone who fills those stop-sign-breaks
with love

I plot
I ponder
Some days I simply persist

If time dilates when one moves at high speeds
Does it contract when one moves barely at all

Wise men say
Only fools rush in

But there’s no way
To find what can’t be found

Twinkle twinkle little star
Within my heart you’ve hid so far

I dig deep but not to find
All the feelings I’ve felt and left behind

With you

If you can find joy in a walk
Does IT ever really matter?

A tilled life of memories
That, once your gone,
You never get to enjoy

Some days feel like your own personal winter,
Devoid of love  

Then you walk outside
And the grass is warm

It’s funny how you need someone
Then they leave...
You still need them

Then one day  
You’re walking by yourself
And realize you can smile without them

hi lovely (:
Let’s do some self care, yeah?
first, throw on your fav baggy jammies
yes, i have acne too, it’s okay (:
ur cute :)
now get comfy cozy and get some rest.
i love u.

With you
I knew
All the lights and darks of tears

With you
I knew
The highest highs and lowest lows

With you
I knew
How another persons silence could be the greatest of comforts

Now your gone
No longer can I take comfort in your silence only Emmett’s silence

I’m my old self
Stagnant
Gray

Stuck on level ground
No longer able to sing melodies from the tops of mountains
No longer am I crushed beneath the weight of drowning tears

Is this good? Or did I lose myself in you?

Sometimes it’s tough

Tough to live
Tough to love
Tough to trust again
Tough to decide to make it to another day
Tough to make today a success
Tough

The time is now. Not sometime

A heart pumped full.  
Laced with fear.
Slowly bleeding out.

Goodbye I love you...
Goodbye love...
Goodbye...
....

Emmett,

A good change
doesn’t always
feel that way

Love Emmett

Thank you sun
Thank you garden
Thank you friend and piano and breath
Thank you sister
And thank you laughter
And thank you trampoline

Thank you trees
Thank you blankets
Thank you books

Thank you Hello Poetry
And love
And the ability to try again tomorrow

Thank you for my ability to smile
Thank you tears
Thank you bracelet giver

Thank you punching bag
And karate
And gloves

Thank you knuckles
and hands
and feet

Thank you legs
Thank you feet
Thank you chairs

And especially
Thank you moon
Thank you clouds
Thank you stars
I can get lost in you and lose myself

Thank you life
I appreciate you

Why do I cry at night
And when I’m in plight
You leave me out of sight

Why do I smile during the day
And when I see you we dance and play
But then I fall when you finally say g’day

Hey you!
Yes you with the creative beautiful mind!
You deserve the world plus one
So go get ‘em!

You’re enough

I saw a picture today. This is what it felt like:

Darkness shattering across my heart
Splinters left for me to pick up

Because each smile you give to someone else leaves me wondering if I was really enough

You roved the landscape of that darkness
But never with me

You left that broken glass for me to clean up
Saying simply “I might”

The sunrise shattered across the discordant melodies of my mind
A sudden bursting of light and sound
Reverberating so beautifully as to cause my eyes to reach into the lakes of muck to find the clearest tear

It’s funny a how a smile can cause so much ache