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Jay earnest Nov 2017
my dreams
are dead


sitting in the trash

can

--
brain matter in my head

my dreams are dead

i am dead

i am dead


no more luck
or glory-

spoons sitting ***** on the table

with the abused
flower


.

no one is here
to hear
it


dreams are
nothing to me now

nothing to me now


i gave up too easily

i don't even know what i wanted
Jay earnest Dec 2024
Famous ,5am poem

canned thunder
lofi beats
Snoring cat
Blender upstairs
Fat raccoon
eating larded trash
Moon is full
Rain is wet
Grass is cut
Window is open
Eyes are heavy
Nowhere to go
Still trying to dream
See you
when we wake
up


j
Jay earnest Sep 2023
She had the finest **** I told her

When you're alone at 2am, isolated and riddled with neuroticism and neurodivergent tendencies
a little company is satisfying .
I had no real intention of sleeping with her but I liked the idea of being wanted so I let my mind wander
and hers too
Jay earnest Jun 2017
I like poetry,

but it just feels too comfortable here for the world
having me packed in a room

just typing crap.


just an animal in a cage banging its head on a wall
as a means to make vibration,

music.


I don't want to be 'music' to anyone's ears,

I want to be the knife to the neck
Jay earnest May 2022
Lost in so many ways. Losing my girlfriend, lost all my friends, losing my hair and my mind. I can only speak through a phone, and in there I find soulless circuitry. My name means nothing to me now, I was orphaned sometime ago. I want to crawl in the woods and dig my pit. It never goes away, I just make friends with the same strangers and acquaintences, weary of the breeze and the trembling leaves
Jay earnest Dec 2020
'Crazy' people dont post goofy poems on some poem sharing site to exalt their 'genius'
They just **** in a hallway or cut their **** off

Ooo ooo ooo oooloooo crazy
Im crazy
I'm depressed and I've since made that distinction a while back
Catch up
Jay earnest Sep 2019
I'll take the one on the left.
Jay earnest Aug 2024
Derelict in the chu chu
  frightened by life
pig **** scraped up in the bile vacuum
Your ***** half-hanging
g your ******* loose
a jar of flies
& Clown juice
13 halves  & 1 whole spectrum of decay

The warring tribes silently plunder the peaceful nation
admist negotiations of embezzled money
the small hat crowd throws bombs on hospitals of children
The violin player sits with his mistress singing songs about
Satan
& His bewilderment
The ****** and unfucked go devirgining the congregation of small eyed
fairies
Im still awake,
And it's 3:46
And I have nothing to do
Im now completely cooked
So they say
I wish I was a supernova star
*
Jay earnest Nov 2024
I've lived a thousand lives
I've sat at thrones
And curled under paper blankets
I've folded my heart
for the vengeful & decadent

I've bled into a gaping chasm
& sold my soul for pennies
, lost all semblance of sanity
incalculable times .
Despaired at the scenic
destruction of a planet amidst competing interests.
Gouged out my eyes so I could see
Suckled at the teet of angels, &
tortured by ravenous imps
smattered in black sorrow.

I have lived,. And I have died.
I exist.
And I see the silver lining.
Somewhere behind the great curtain
Jay earnest Jun 2023
Absolute hell
& Misery
My head aches
Like a ticking bomb and my heart is full of compressed air
I see faces without emotion even though there are human impulses here.

I want to leave
And be forgotten
Like the many dead
Jay earnest Dec 2024
It goes in the slot,
****** it in tighter as tight as you can so sparks start flying out and the thing starts to smoke, then shove it in with your hand and fist like a forceful piston til the thing is vibrating and ready to explode with the juice leaking out and creating a puddle. Continue with this thrusting motion for a good few seconds until the pickle eventually loosens from the jar and apply to your sandwich for your hearty brunch
'20
Jay earnest May 2020
Suitcase full of stuff lungs full
Of residue
Off a cliff the rocks sit and pearly doves make their nests it's
too late
Jay earnest Mar 2018
pisssing


on the porch
as the backlight   illuminates
the hall.


a lizard sits on the porch
and the ghost
of your    deer-skin pop


glows in the den.


I haven't a clue.


but I have 3 tickets to South America.



they wish
for

a snowy
summer.



I wish I was                    here


now.


2. +2
-
4


  good luck
god
Jay earnest Sep 2020
it's been quiet lately    so I just  listen
Jay earnest Aug 2019
Happy for me is not being crippingly depressed. Im happy. I can make pancakes at 2am and be ok. I'm ok. I will sleep fine. But I still think of you
Jay earnest Aug 2023
Up at 5:04am
Incapable of sleeping
Calling off today; I won't be making the patients their apple sauce
I'll lay in bed
And *** to pictures of
    Of past excursions
Wondering if I still know how to ****
I'm such a loser, but that's a good thing sometimes.
My mirror is broken
And my room is full of ****
.
The webs sit and the spiders eat daily, even some drinking my blood
I **** out the window
And fantasize about
Being a serial killer; but that would bore me even too - too much work to sever a head
And kick it down a street.
Im angry
& Feel as if I have no way of release. I'm unheard,
I hate my friend.
I hate my circumstance and I'm lost
So I write
Some words and prolong the descent -- I know I'll
Get out of this, but It doesn't get easier even after the 119th time
**** it all
Jay earnest Apr 2022
Couldn't believe it, I planted a tree, and where was the false
God?

When I look away I fall forward. Nice  to know, account down, so was the  
promise of reclusion. I always find my way back
Jay earnest Jul 2024
Mushrooms
My lady is staring at me with love
Bono is being weird
I wrote a little poem
This is fun
I probably have brain stuff
Profoundly profound. . Jnndmrkrke jdj
Jay earnest Jan 2021
](ķ*&they walked back thru the street of snow and ice with whispers in fog. It took too much to stay but we couldn't leave so we lit a f ire. I didn't mind. I was somewhere else   ⅖
Jay earnest Nov 2017
a ****** and a crackerjack dont go smoking with out the rope or the hognose tie gets laid in the face machine

pushed for the review
I don't take chances in the arrow socket
lord
has his signs

your trying too hard;
figure a
litmus

industry

gobbled by the majic   ignoring your salad

bewildered in a
cruel way

slap me or
slap yourself
Jay earnest Mar 2023
I think I believe in God again.  I hated him like I did my own father for a while, but he was always there, I just chose to ignore him and I'm ready to talk again
It's been too long. How's Mom?
Jay earnest Jul 2021
Death awakened me and it was like a handshake in pale light. I felt the immediate reverberation of a dismal fleck of starlight harangued in the glossy aether.
   To pass away meant passing by. The painter wipes the last of the blue hues on his apron, the weathered book clasps shut, I see a dog running and a fountain trickle down a path to my home. Somewhere I've never been, but always remembered.
Jay earnest Apr 2023
What I want to see is more blue, or maybe
Light greyish
Teal
Coated with sparkles
In a reflective aquarium
With eels and sponges,
Then I can go swim with my face facing the fishes like my friends in
    The deepest water, riding a  
bellowing whale to somewhere far far away
Jay earnest Mar 2023
Losing my grasp
Agonizing over nothing,
Clinging to a crumbling piece of debris,
I am but a single period within your time.
I am a lonely cloud on a hot day.
I run amok when everyone is smiling.
I am a broken hand and a broken tooth
What I am is the same as yesterday.
Goodbye
Jay earnest Apr 2023
I'm alone whilst touching flesh, heart to heart, blood to blood.
Sticks for hands grab at a bended waist and the hair tangles with every ******.
I can now forget to blow out my head, I'll be late anyway
Jay earnest Feb 2018
I just wrote a huge poem and the ******* website ''404''d on me.

it was poking fun
at people who believe in interdimensional space time travel
and transcendent alien beings
and now it's gone


but i think that's more a comment on existence than my previous
poem any way


this is all a joke
Jay earnest Aug 2018
hurts
                                                                         in  a puddle

of spit
and dung,

hurts.
cuffed behind -- you've already bled out-- - you already made your stand.


1,000,000 hours didn't mean anything in that
1 second.


now you're nothing. how I envy you
Jay earnest Nov 2017
cut throat



with no one in the hall.



it's about 10:30 now--

so the tv is off.


bed time insomnia and ill will.


I still dream of you sometimes
Jay earnest Jul 2017
fat
ugly

and smoking

when it's

8.50$ a pack

why?


buying beer
so I don't get hard-liquor
'cause then it's over.


no car-

at least I walk to my JOB sometimes--

paranoid
mainly because I'm the only one foolish enough to actually walk in this heat.


haven't heard from my pal
for going on 2 years now-- I forget why--
just a case of bitterness that festered for too long.

trying to write some music-
but is anything worth doing
if you have to
TRY?

don't we just live to squeeze out as much happiness as we can so
why
bother with something
that's painful?


writing this is sometimes painful

but it's easy and a lot more effective than a song usually.

I'm no good

no good

no good


no god
there is no god-


someday I'll be the happy kid riding my loony tunes bike
for the
1st time.


what a shame to have peaked so early-


it's ok
Jay earnest Jul 2020
Rise up rise up
Rise up
to the dogs and choirs and to the
Audience that stares, sigh slightly and gratefully
You only ever had yourself,.  They came as parasites after
   and left  as the fire started to rage in the combing street below the hospital windows
Jay earnest Nov 2017
e v e n in g




e v e n in g

passing  b y


pa ss ing by


gett ing

your head
******* on tight,

ba  be
with the stockings


so white-


don't play games
tonight


........

breaking
the moon in half so i can see it in all its glory

crumbling dust
Jay earnest Sep 2019
The same **** over and over.
Pull the gun and shoot the moon.
The parade walks by, 14 nickles, still it rains.
***** knees but God is a friend
Kneel to your master .
Sun,
It.
Kites in black culdesacs, winding.
Jay earnest Nov 2024
Time is relative.
The future present and past are all one.
Somewhere you've just been born
& Somewhere you are already decreased.
A spaceship could take you to see.
With your lips frozen
And heart still

What were your memories, hopes and dreams?
What did you make it mean?

And why did you ever worry
Jay earnest Dec 2024
Perhaps it is of no use
then will you make the mistake of choosing it?
If it had a chance, sure, but otherwise skip around yer eels, your heels are cloudy love, now and then
you can trap a disaster.
right around the throat don't let it
go
I loved once too
'20
Jay earnest Sep 2019
People have too much hope
Jay earnest May 2020
Flooded by false hope,
the flowers can faintly breathe;
Jay earnest Jun 2
Words are tired
the pain is literal
Metaphors are
for the hopeful

I have no hope
It's only brought pain
Ask the ascetics

Ask the crackhead
in the ditch
Ask yourself
Jay earnest Aug 2023
This is a song about nothing
About crying outside

About dying tomorrow
And making a mess

You've got a face like a sun
And a body like a bent
Stem


Hold you close so you don't fall with the crowd

I'm running late now and seeking another
Appointment
Dead souls for the way we forget

A song about nothing
Can't even rhyme
I forged a ticket
And spat out an idol


Don't say you want me
When you wanted an excuse
Jay earnest Apr 2018
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Jay earnest Apr 2018
ohhh  its a   white maleeee

proceeds to twist the head off

snapping the tendons
and drinking   mead from the skull.

it a whitemale


proceeds to tear the back open
and snap the rips upwards
pulling lungs from the carcass and setting it ablaze.


white


proceeds to drive a minivan
and buy grapes at ralphs while tipping a *** and

watching hulu

white  lawn
Jay earnest Dec 2024
Eliott Smith presumably stabbed himself in the heart(but in all likelihood was murdered)
but in either case I now understand why
Jay earnest Dec 2024
Stay away
plastic people. I don't want your neon lights & your katamine brain
; I want to flop in a large pool as the collectors dive on mint

Leave me be
Let me swallow up life while you
keep working for nothing;
Slaves need their masters to feel free
I am but a discorded sellout

Pay me nothing
Sep '23
Jay earnest Aug 2024
My body is failing in sense
got.liquid ****
Or that could be the onion rings and chicken fingers

My **** is obscured by a sock of fat
My feet are like that of an ox
I can **** but it takes a hefty heave
Tongue on my nuts
I have a deaf baby here
Golden arches
June 26 2023
Jay earnest Sep 2023
I hope one day it all crumbles

& The infrastructure is swallowed into the abyss.
& all strata of man and woman pummeled like a grey mallet
into a vengeful rock.

And then the old ones can stare from afar and ponder their fate.
All gods die
Jay earnest Nov 2017
go go
toad

pidgeon scratched paper in red ink

neon slipper
agua

black ****** bamboozled

blessings

for the in rest
in  a setting

give it all back

fools good
for the furnish

why don't you
scam

  easy tiger
easier timer  it's a good slam
slam it down

down in chimney holes

laugh after
Jay earnest Feb 2018
why is it every time
that a girl laughs i assume they're laughing at me?

big boisterous,
hearty laughs that shake the whole house.

laughing at me
or the idea of me

i laugh too
Jay earnest May 2018
12       hours  is all it takes  for the shore line to recede and return into

a crumbling abyss
overlooking an  albatross prairie.


if There was no alternative
then what is your  choice?

I see she is a baker ,,   and      a mincer and maid   and protagonist
to a fairytale.

she is tall
and weary.

the nicest eyes ---    but still so  malevolent.

I take a bath in the cold air,   as the leaf  sits like a balloon  on   a gush-geiser blowing crystals 3000ft into the air
no room for the  wanderer.


I PICKED UP THE TOME

I read the last chapter.  

What you said about throwing your own book into the night
weeping for what may have come to her
struck me as profound.

not a lot touches me.
Jay earnest Apr 2020
These eyes have seen enough

You wait in a hall for your lunch
It's so so
The lights of Tokyo blind you
And your guts are cancer

Smoking in a balcony, I don't wanna slip,
The stars are history that we swear by
I used to be
A child full of
love
Jay earnest Mar 2024
through the fog i see you, still & alone
Your face is a radiant blue
I miss you
Even though I no longer know you
I remember the silk waves and the sunny
disposition
I remember the screams into nothing
My soul is still searching
for what we had
so perfect in its imperfection
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