I love my cat
because she hates me.

she brings home half-mutilated mice
and crickets
and throws them on my bed.

I yell at her then I pet her.

I spent a whole $100 on her which is a lot of money;

if she leaves tomorrow, I understand.

please just don't go with the black cat

Crushes me
Rolls me into a ball and flicks me into a dirt mound
I stay there and breathe
dead silence
Hum

cute girl, why do you stand there
Why do you talk about your son's
I'm here and I talk about blue
Shadows
Why do you go that way?

Why do they ****** me when I'm 12 and 14
But want nothing to do with me now?

I know my hair ***** and my nose is big and my eyes are crooked and my skin is ****
But don't expect me to be just sitting here happy

I'm not 'entitled' im a ******* human being

I don't
want to see a grey cloud
I want a *******


Blue sun, blue ocean where no one feels pain

I pluck my eyelashes
You talk 2 Jake. Blued eyed Jake. You've ****** 1000 men but you won't **** me.

I am real I am here, I FEEL


I drag the load. If it means scratching the cell doors , I'll destroy the universe.

You don't exist.

This pain is all thats here and now like infinite  subtraction

I need a ******* typewriter.
this ******* light is blinding me,
and the ******* G key is falling off the ******* thing.
  I want to throw pages
at the ceiling in delight and swivel in my chair
   and drink beer
    and  **** a goat while I write and clack. the only way. I thought it fitting for hipsters; but i like the aestetic. Bang BANG BANG BANG BANG,
PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP CLINNGGGGG** then the *******.
another beautiful poem, fresh with my blood.
and the screamer upstairs i will now slowly asphyxiate.

Born alone, die alone
You complimented my life but you didn't complete me; I'll always be unwhole.
You fulfilled my desire and longing but I didn't need you, like how I don't need a fix.
You were the light in the darkness but my eyes can adjust to the black.
You were support to my legs when they were shattered but I'll learn to crawl.
I'll learn to adjust but only because I have to,
not because I ever wanted to

Im followed by the flies. I killed about 16 of them. I bury them in toilet paper then flush them. I drink my water and sit on my bed. Today was a blur. my coworker is dying and it bums me out. I dont really like him but I dont like to see needless suffering. And other things are getting me down. I am lonely lately and I have no real ambition anymore. I look outside and see Saturn. I see the millennia of refracted light. I see the boulders on the hill and the clouds in the distance. I see the tree still standing because it needs to. I will try to stand too

ohhh  its a   white maleeee

proceeds to twist the head off

snapping the tendons
and drinking   mead from the skull.

it a whitemale


proceeds to tear the back open
and snap the rips upwards
pulling lungs from the carcass and setting it ablaze.


white


proceeds to drive a minivan
and buy grapes at ralphs while tipping a *** and

watching hulu

white  lawn

and I sit on a porch deck
chair
with the sun bleeting on me.
buy 2
fruit with masks and the cashier coofs

lay still you *****-  
foment the beach sun.
*** like a ******* miracle,
oh
I'm crying . bake it thru.  bake the death from it.
covid,
you shill and misanthropic venture. free us now. and walk on shallow streets


like     a    drug;                focused and
self-assured

6 people died today in a parade
They became part of the display
I pulled my lazy boy down and remembeed why I'm proud to be American, that means sitting when a ****** marching band skimpers forth with some soulless katy Perry admist a Kellogg's float. You're dead and you don't even remember when it happened

Writing to a pig in the dirt
To a duck hanging by a ceiling fan
To an **** full of *** and a belly withering in December heat
To a clown singing duality
To a niece jumping rope tommorow
To a grandma ******* on caramel
To a giraffe eating chocolate
To a ****** praying to Solomon
To a chunk counting to forty three
To a mother breastfeeding an ape
To a man
******* a fetus
To a poet crying in an aquarium
To a hobo
Drinking two qaurts of bleach
To a teen sprouting fuzz on a grey sweater at night.
I watch with both eyes.
The red omen is near so dont say that you're a
blind balloon. Who wants a copy.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

..



.
.


.
.
.
.
z I p

It took time to forget

I didn't think i would but i did
And i remember the good
Like
Faucets running
And fires burning
What did I go crazy for

?

3:45 with ****** eyes
I bite on the stale chip whilst the sound of decadent rats punch holes in my pickled brain

If it was up to me
I wouldn't be talking to you; friends are nothing but thieves

Now it's 3:46

I thought Id have 13 kids and live in a castle
With a fat *****
On my lap

I thought Id have a gold suit in Napa
I thought Id have a car
And food

I thought I'd be a democrst and vote for the candidate that resembles my nephew

I thought Id ride a bike
I thought I'd **** myself and eat a moose
I thought Id touch my ***** and get a paper wet

I thought Id think I thought
I thought I'd be asleep by now
I thought Id do something productive
I thought Id be a human
I thought Id be a ghost like them
I thought Id be a contender
I thought I'd be forgiven

it's well lit here on a superfical level
But it's dark inside

I can't see whats in front of me
Or what's lurking in the shadows

Pretend to be asleep
The mourning is almost here

massive headache, splitting my skull and poking my diseased brain;
I can't keep
living this way, facing no where, and kissing dust. I can't keep believing in pagan fairytales and digging countless graves for every piece of me that dies, every single day, and so pitifully
  I need relief and I don't know what it'll take. 10 years of this,  10 years of
  how and why. the floors are squeaky clean now, and the doors are locked with rusty chains. I open my heart to you, praying for refuge

writing just to write is sickness     or a means of self psychiatry


it's really really
late

and i like to pretend i'm drunk because I've quit drinking and doing  drugs like a loser about a year ago.

but i like to ramble.

capitalization should be prioritized more.


WAKIING up tomorrow
at noon and sunbathing.

buying a glass of milk   and maybe finally talking to someone
rather than just myself all the
time

the damage is done, the wound
is gushing with blood.
the pants are
filled
with ***** matter.

the mouth is vomiting
into a ditch at 3am. please god, tell me I matter.

please god,
who are you,
who are you,

touch me,
touch me in my ****,

touch me in my ****.

feel my *****,
feel my *******.
I want to love you. lord my savior, I *** on your face, and you drink it.
my lord
and savior.

death on a cross is like a jelly
sandwich
after dawn.

no one has to cry.

please god.
let me watch the ****** in
2002,
when I was still fragrant, when I still felt good.
when I still played stick games with my friend nick. when I still listened to slipknot's duality
and Marilyn's beautiful people.

I want to be whole.

I want to be a person without the past. the stick in the mud, the last dance at the wedding when everyone is watching.
please help me .


I don't need
a party,
but I need a crowd.

blue tin skies after dawn,
two few to know.

love is like a box of explosives,
you know what you'll get.

paintball in 2006.

where did it all go? when did I get old? when did I lose touch? when did it all start to not matter
?


pave the way forward,
we are here.

I see you,
and I want the best for us.  please, please, please. let me believe in love for once.





once;  like a nova

lonely, but that's because I don't like myself.
That's because I wish I had my friend
I would've loved you even if you didn't have a means to satisfy my stupid lust.
I could sit and talk to you and that's all that mattered, and now I'm stuck with myself again
I never learn

Blocked me the second there was push back
the second the cacophony of your own voice was met by another

I'm a lot like you. It's easy to be yourself when no one is watching
Don't sell out

Happy for me is not being crippingly depressed. Im happy. I can make pancakes at 2am and be ok. I'm ok. I will sleep fine. But I still think of you

his head was soft
his whiskers were full
his fingers were long
and his skin was old
his eyes were green
and his tongue was blue
his name was Ceasar
and he carried a broom
he swept
the sidewalk
he skated around
he colored the fences
with a rusty crayon
he really liked pie
he really liked fudge
he was only so nice
because he wanted to die

a ****** and a crackerjack dont go smoking with out the rope or the hognose tie gets laid in the face machine

pushed for the review
I don't take chances in the arrow socket
lord
has his signs

your trying too hard;
figure a
litmus

industry

gobbled by the majic   ignoring your salad

bewildered in a
cruel way

slap me or
slap yourself

coming in and coming out
erected and perfected;
vivisected
Suckled on yellow tongues
tainted by willows and half-lies
Balloons with hands groaning
None here are loaning out their heads to shop windows
Black and blue the only thing left is pigment hope,
and junk rope lining the dead-heirs with washed out eyes of Mexican ***** lice in licorice dunes

So the finger twists and the **** red hot squeels in absense of authority. Pluck your own seed fa**ot

Given to god and the flies like the shapely things they are with maggoty arms and lungs full of cement I Dance on craning heads and hit my face in the pool duck
Raining over everyone, nirvana in the sense that faith is delusion I pick away a subtle man in the flow with your hammy down wrapper *** rag in a fat pig origami *****
Set on fire, what was once faith means annihilation. "See me at 5" the choir lunges, l sing til dawn , I pick up the last of the leaves. Soon and everyone goes to heaven

Life is like one bad dream on repeat

I forget all the faces, and it's mildly amusing on recall
Somewhere I jumped off a building
and caressed a nun then became president, and for what
Just to suffer

The only good part of life is ***
And it's barely good
and a mere bargaining token

I sleep to get away from the dreaming;
The best
Is when you remember nothing, and that's where I'll be when I'm dead, you can be in heaven

looking onward towards death. Nothing in my head but rain. Nothing in my heart but shade. I know who i am and it took only a few years to know; no more searching,  just becoming

Let's dance baby
Let's dance
Let's hop on a train to no where sipping a corona
Your face scarred with innocence

A pill bottle barricaded inside
Pleading as the bayonets stick you in
Let's dance let's dance baby
Purple
Blue, blurrred running from a dream
Running from a dream
Pockets lined with gold
Baby youre a star
Pandemic blues
I reach out for you

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

,😟

So hopeful
And weary
I cannot feel my hands
My hands are cold and stiff

I kiss you somewhere over
Here
Then make my way to the partition

I cannot see straight
I wringe my collar of the desecrated
tears
My serpent speaks
To make love is to **** and penetrate
Stab deep into your wound
And dessicate
Annihilate with fury
My overtone sweet with faith and sophistry
Now is the time to wonder
Were you always this innocent?

the air escaped the cramped room and made a large sound .
I heard
the Russian jabbering while she flicked her cigarette in the dust bowl.

hissing out in the corner
with the Italian and his wifebeater
cackling in the star flake


I only drink water when I need to.

still I'm here and
i'm only doing a little to get by.

like an extended stay at the funny farm --

no pigs
only goats

and your fowl

This one means nothing, say it again
It means nothing, like a book full of scribbles and spiders dancing along the wall.
We cry in our dreams when we've lost something dear to us in this reality, like a
good friend or  a  match when the darkness won't relent

Serpent eyes & mediocre
powder coffee
It's too early right now; I woke up for nothing, 10
is for the ground squirrels & paper chasers and office freaks

Back to the drawing board;
I saw a white light
& A kid attempting to write something true. The more you try the
More you lie to yourself.
And the more you care the less the muse wants you back.
It's good to give up

My brother od'd
Poured some ice water on him and slapped the **** out of him
& administered narcan
He awoke after a 2nd  dousing of ice water
He then cursed me
And told me to ******* despite being a blue corpse a mere minute ago
But at this point I don't care about the outcome
The first time is scary
The 2nd time is alarming
The 3rd time is annoying
The last time is indifference

I don't have much say here

I was genuinely an evil person to my ex
I made you feel low
And devoid of all self worth

I abused you mentally and physically
Dehumanized you
Made you feel like trash
But I was ultimately projecting my own lack of self worth
And there's not much to learn here
But I
Was a ******* and I'm sorry

I hope I learn my lesson for real.
I deserve it, because I
feel it in my soul and it
   hurts
even now

I'm gonna take a screwdriver
and jam it into her eye socket
and then
take pliers
and twist her tongue
until it's unhinged from the jaw

I'll then pour acid down her throat
and **** her ***
while she squeels in agony

then I'll
make some pancakes
for my doggo
Jim Jim
and he can eat the leftovers

then I'll do it again maybe
and then some day I can smile with Jehovah

He got what he wanted. He thought about it for weeks and years.
It happened.
It was pleasant.
But the drive home was like a candle on a windowsil
and as it faded, only I could remember,
Only I could recall, and I sat in my chair watching a wall.
I no longer know what is fantasy, and no longer know what is dim reality. Everything has broken down into
deceit and wishful dreaming

Noone cares about a man's suffering. His death is just another excuse for you to parade your victimhood, to show how you've been hurt.
Whatever. I can sit and stare at a wall for hours and think about a few memories that dont cause me bitterness, like watering a plant or washing my hands or drinking juice.
I just dont know why im so caught up with this one person, maybe because they're living the life i want without having done anything particularly complicated. And was I that defective?
Was this self hate instilled at birth? Who taught me to hate myself, was it the world or just me.
I don't know so I don't ask I just wish there were more happy moments. You can't force happiness like ****,you can't squeeze it into submission. I can only try, and do the handful of things I feel are right and live without regret and resentment, but don't tell me I didn't suffer, and
Don't say you cared because I ******* saw you laughing when I was at my lowest and I just wish you could feel it for a day because you would have an 'attitude' too you ******* *****. Go spread yourself some more and call it "making love".

I need to sleep but this light is blinding me and art keeps talking. I will be better tomorrow. I'll try to be better so I can be god and I will be god because none of you exist

I talked to her for an hour on the phone and she called me babe and the night prior I was pounding her as she cried out and begged for more; I then pumped into her and watched a movie after whilst cuddling.
Now she deleted me.
This is why I say "they don't t belong to me it was just my turn"
I then get back on my app & match with a Latina named "Rain"

Fried moth goth in a stew with your whiskey **** I ****** good **** today
and ****** you under a door mat with my long foot but I had ***** ******.
Why did jovi then go washing the rocks?
You spit on him like a gooky *****, why now do I see it?
Haha
When Jordan was there I still freed fire flies
"Do as thou wilt" which side are you on dude.. The side with another slice of pastrami.
I feel it so much more when it starts

I get dumber by the day
Pretty soon I'll be too dumb to understand
Drooling in the wind with my
Eyes wide open

Poetry and art only matters if it's popular and it has a little thumbs up. Because people need to know that others like something to make up their mind. They couldn't risk being judged for liking something that isn't herd approved because then they risk their acceptance in the herd. it's why they like things they truly dont like and hate things that are blatantly true and slapping them in the face with existential meaning. But I don't give a uck I'm doing this for myself, I just wish I had a broader platform to terrorize humanity and I'll find a way

so she was reading my stuff and said to me
'why do you hide this?
put it out there for people to see'


well I'd like to, but the
      horses would catch me

on the public transit at 3:30  stepping side by side  in gumball
dreary.

poured  the two birds into the cup
and ate half the leg over a fire thinking about the days of old
when a man could sit stiff legged
with her camel lady.


still not far from the zenith
and the oncoming  traffic and blaring noise  and meterorite has yet to claim a deciple.

the koreas are united
and i said a prayer in gesture,

I looked at a news

page then disappeared into grass --

big heads
for the  people who   spend too much time sniffing

sn

I'm grateful to be here,

to see the vanquished cities as they propagate the vast expanse,

To hold my heart in a ***** jar with the wounded still crying out

I am grateful to breathe this air,

To see the tarry streets as they grip on my lost feet,

To see the fire as it's quenched with mortar



I am grateful

Grateful for everything, and everything I wish I could have saved; it made me a better man, losing it all and a piece of my soul

I  pace back and forth  in  the pink room   and pull the blinds    tightly.

Ashtray in the corner
near the sink.

Radio   by  the door.
hammer on the  bed.

fork in the socket.

rose in  the glass.


eyes in  the ceiling .     ***** in  the   shoe.                hair in    the   bowl.


kissing  my  lord.

kissing  it.
it all.

so much.


the  leeches  know now ,  everything,  everything, everything since before time since before birth and before the creation. SHOULD HAVE LISTENED
SHOULD HAVE
******* LISTENED TO THEM

YOU ******* FOOL!


......

4 DAYS
go by-
I hear bug.

message without a voice.
crying at me
as though I  could have known.                  a handy device  like   maybe for to  the cleft  in the dry hand
back  wards?   for the purse-chase,-  casted by it now?


I speak

to you

.


I  want an answer.

I can't enjoy peoples' company without being ****** up out of mind, drunk high etc.
I thought maybe it was a phase.
But I can't stand the parties. They are so boring. I am boring. I play darts anyway,
and smoke 100 cigarettes and **** the pipe.
it feels good at the moment.
but I am fake. I wish I didn't feel pain. I wish I felt love for my species. I wish someone knew my favorite color and cared

I moved on, and it took not caring
All I had to gain was a headache and another year of setbacks
I feel better alone.
I feel more like myself and more content in the silence, and silence is where I grow

dont send the letters

don't send the smiley faces
don't send the thumbs up

don't send the 'yes'
or the 'no'

jump off the bridge and dive in the lake and blow up in the sun.

junior
has glasses
and he spells
sugar

S U G A R

sugar,
like god. like satan, like the immortal ghost.
who hasn't
dreamed of fire?

satan please forgive me.

''I love nothing"

but you are nothing. questions and more answers. only answers for your questions. there are no more
secrets.
there are no more
consonants.

there are only constants.
battered with a sledgehammer in the night sun, blue freckled
crescent dreamer.

I pray to you,
so no one else feels the same.  it *****. please don't let anyone feel this

miserable.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.  
.                    ­          .              .

microsoft computer
and the apple
modems


a Viacom tv flicker
and a Sony hologram player


a samsung
automobile

and a blu-tooth
Yamaha

green flower
beaten under the harsh wind

when I get nervous meeting a girl
,
I just imagine
her having taken
the biggest stinkiest
rancid **** with her *** stretching out to the size of a fist
and the stink
permeating
for meters abroad;

and her picking her nose
with glee
and her pits stinking
and her feet sweaty
and her breath sour
and her legs and ***** hairy
from a 2 days growth

disgusting creatures.
  foul apes;
like me. elegance Is overrated, and now I'm turned on...

jim
  And a hand
Game now 2.
"Lightening the load, the offenders"
Grey wash.
Buzzard musk.
Mucousy and white, flesh flute, patted down in squares. Little green squares full of time
⬛  juxtaposed with a moth  head and flying into cold flame

my only friend is my buddy matt

I love that man, and 1 friend is better than what most can claim today.
I'm lucky.
we talk every Tuesday,
and he talks about his shoes and his squirrels
and his elderly wife( he actually married a 50 year old seamstress when he was 22, it's weird, but whatever)

im happy though with this;

and I need nothing else. all the other 'friends'
sold out to the consumerist boom-
easily bought.

I need someone that'll take a bullet. I've already taken a few for him;
and that's where I stand.
thank you. until Valhalla