dimly lit room                                 ;  I hear a cloud pass by;           tip toe
down the planks,  drip.


Stirring in some salt -         3 hours on simmer, touching  a blank canvas,
seeing through a haze after the fog
has rolled away.

You ask '' for whom?''      you're enshrouded by a black husk, contorted like a cashier face.

plugged into a jet-stream, forward moving, forward thinking,
backward  living, one of a billion concurrent movies projecting  an old worn out film.

I walk around a while.


I go walking in the woods and crunch the leaves. Cars pass by and I walk past.  A broken-shed, with broken windows, but no life.

no liveliness in this walk. No chirping, or buzzing,  just some hammering in the distance.

I sit down and pick up a stone. A crystal.   It gives me a faint-energy.   I  rub off the moss,
  and I toss it into the
mist .  Nothing in my head. I  don't want to be here anymore

I love my cat
because she hates me.

she brings home half-mutilated mice
and crickets
and throws them on my bed.

I yell at her then I pet her.

I spent a whole $100 on her which is a lot of money;

if she leaves tomorrow, I understand.

please just don't go with the black cat

When your head is packed with garbage & there's an unrelenting ache there actually comes a certain clarity,;
I can't concentrate on anything because I'm just trying not to die, thus 99% of living becomes superfluous and you focus on the pertinent, which is not dying, like I stated

no

ohhh  its a   white maleeee

proceeds to twist the head off

snapping the tendons
and drinking   mead from the skull.

it a whitemale


proceeds to tear the back open
and snap the rips upwards
pulling lungs from the carcass and setting it ablaze.


white


proceeds to drive a minivan
and buy grapes at ralphs while tipping a *** and

watching hulu

white  lawn

all around me are familiar faces  ;     if you step away    be sure to memorize
the voice code, 298 zero and proceed.
  if you must you must
, no time
to   fly

Feeding the geese in a storage pocket
Fasten up your hands
The wide open window doesn't screen
nor do I yell at them.
Bludgeon them with a sickle,
Take out my eyes and put in a new soul.
I want to dream like Moses in a ****** sea

blank for 3 good lines



I went looking for fires in the mildew air In January like leaflets after a holocast
The first to go is the mosquito. I caught you cheatin,
Hanging in the closet are your pearls, hanging in the yard are your swine.
I don't care to know you

I moved on, and it took not caring
All I had to gain was a headache and another year of setbacks
I feel better alone.
I feel more like myself and more content in the silence, and silence is where I grow

you use my loneliness as a weapon

you reach out only to infest

you're a vicarious ****
, you revel in my sadness,
   the taste is
sweet, and if I'm buried
into my casket you will leap

rid you of me
rid every bit of you

rid you of me
exorcise
these demons from my head

The raccoon reached out with its little paws trying to pick off an apple from the tree.
I then picked up the aluminum bat and whacked it right into the skull and heard it whimpering as it floundered down the porch steps.
These apples took 3 years to grow & cultivate.
  Don't steal my apples, and that applies
To the children outside as well

Crushes me
Rolls me into a ball and flicks me into a dirt mound
I stay there and breathe
dead silence
Hum

cute girl, why do you stand there
Why do you talk about your son's
I'm here and I talk about blue
Shadows
Why do you go that way?

Why do they ****** me when I'm 12 and 14
But want nothing to do with me now?

I know my hair ***** and my nose is big and my eyes are crooked and my skin is ****
But don't expect me to be just sitting here happy

I'm not 'entitled' im a ******* human being

I don't
want to see a grey cloud
I want a *******


Blue sun, blue ocean where no one feels pain

I pluck my eyelashes
You talk 2 Jake. Blued eyed Jake. You've ****** 1000 men but you won't **** me.

I am real I am here, I FEEL


I drag the load. If it means scratching the cell doors , I'll destroy the universe.

You don't exist.

This pain is all thats here and now like infinite  subtraction

All women are ******
Makes your interactions a million times easier;
I won't give you anything, and I have zero expectations. You're as ephemeral as the morning fog and I'm glad when
you'll eventually leave
, but for right now the dog is barking at its master at 2am
Don't ever beg ,
don't ever grieve

Writing while half awake & dealing with ***** trash
slide down the slide see the blue sky
I've opened my heart to no one but the night

microsoft computer
and the apple
modems


a Viacom tv flicker
and a Sony hologram player


a samsung
automobile

and a blu-tooth
Yamaha

green flower
beaten under the harsh wind

I was genuinely an evil person to my ex
I made you feel low
And devoid of all self worth

I abused you mentally and physically
Dehumanized you
Made you feel like trash
But I was ultimately projecting my own lack of self worth
And there's not much to learn here
But I
Was a ******* and I'm sorry

I hope I learn my lesson for real.
I deserve it, because I
feel it in my soul and it
   hurts
even now

I can't feel my toes due to the lack of a circulated hot air system delivering heat within this space.

My breath blows and is visible like Puzuzu

I take out a solid white piece of paper and make a few scribbles.
The names are written and spell out the
people I used to care about , which is about 1 too many

I feel like no one ever hears me

    I speak
and their eyes glaze over;
maybe I'm polite
but nobody cares about my side of things.

They walk around me
and pretend I'm not there.

will tussle with their **** as I'm sitting there as my shadow pours over them.
I'm not there.

I can sing to a crowded room
and no one's eyes
watch me;
I am truly invisible.   I'm not even sure
I exist, but here we
are

Yo, it's 3 o clock, what you doin
Straightening out this bent piece of aluminum for the insects at dawn.
Your face is reminiscent of hepburn.
One fifth left.
5 days left, here, then back at it. It's nice to be here again, seeing the trees and the streets.
I will walk the school tomorrow and see if I've really changed. I'll see if my anarchy carving is still on the bench.
I'll see the mud mound I played football on. I'll see where I got my pb&j in the morning. I'll see where I thought I would never change and where I'd never grow old.
Beautifully naiive and sweet. But I could no longer be sweet. I had to be smart

Writing poetry when you have no audience is madness,
It's like the schizophrenic transient babbling about spacecrafts
But the second you put him on a TV show
It's genius

I cooked her a bowl of rice
with some sausages slathered in butter. The rice hadn't
been washed
so it turned into a sort of mush.
I'm a generaly pretty accomplished cook being that it's been my profession the last 10 years, but this was embarrassing.
She ate it anyway though and started clinking the bottom of the bowl with her spoon
indicating she really enjoyed it
"Thank you, I really enjoyed that" she said and
then kissed me

It was the first time a man ever cooked for her.
normally she'd get ******
and have Burger King nuggets after.
I made  her 10 cent rice and then ****** her
but also cared somewhat
too

the damage is done, the wound
is gushing with blood.
the pants are
filled
with ***** matter.

the mouth is vomiting
into a ditch at 3am. please god, tell me I matter.

please god,
who are you,
who are you,

touch me,
touch me in my ****,

touch me in my ****.

feel my *****,
feel my *******.
I want to love you. lord my savior, I *** on your face, and you drink it.
my lord
and savior.

death on a cross is like a jelly
sandwich
after dawn.

no one has to cry.

please god.
let me watch the ****** in
2002,
when I was still fragrant, when I still felt good.
when I still played stick games with my friend nick. when I still listened to slipknot's duality
and Marilyn's beautiful people.

I want to be whole.

I want to be a person without the past. the stick in the mud, the last dance at the wedding when everyone is watching.
please help me .


I don't need
a party,
but I need a crowd.

blue tin skies after dawn,
two few to know.

love is like a box of explosives,
you know what you'll get.

paintball in 2006.

where did it all go? when did I get old? when did I lose touch? when did it all start to not matter
?


pave the way forward,
we are here.

I see you,
and I want the best for us.  please, please, please. let me believe in love for once.





once;  like a nova

Nothing to say


Terrible

Pain.

Words. Block. Words. I write. Now I go.    Back to the drawer. Sit down stand up.   Hush hush,  roses for a corpse. You peel me back,  and wash me away.   No one remembers.  Another line to cross . Erase. Fade.  Stay.  strain

And the best are about sandwiches and windows. The words do not care about me and I do not own them

Serpent eyes & mediocre
powder coffee
It's too early right now; I woke up for nothing, 10
is for the ground squirrels & paper chasers and office freaks

Back to the drawing board;
I saw a white light
& A kid attempting to write something true. The more you try the
More you lie to yourself.
And the more you care the less the muse wants you back.
It's good to give up

on the public transit at 3:30  stepping side by side  in gumball
dreary.

poured  the two birds into the cup
and ate half the leg over a fire thinking about the days of old
when a man could sit stiff legged
with her camel lady.


still not far from the zenith
and the oncoming  traffic and blaring noise  and meterorite has yet to claim a deciple.

the koreas are united
and i said a prayer in gesture,

I looked at a news

page then disappeared into grass --

big heads
for the  people who   spend too much time sniffing

sn

Life is like one bad dream on repeat

I forget all the faces, and it's mildly amusing on recall
Somewhere I jumped off a building
and caressed a nun then became president, and for what
Just to suffer

The only good part of life is ***
And it's barely good
and a mere bargaining token

I sleep to get away from the dreaming;
The best
Is when you remember nothing, and that's where I'll be when I'm dead, you can be in heaven

i wear my skin
like pearls from a
   string

I wear my skin like silent dusk

I wear my face like loose fog

I wear my pain like dripping skies

I wear my sorrow like fading night

And pray to human
tragedy

What else can i do

What else can i be

free

Fried moth goth in a stew with your whiskey **** I ****** good **** today
and ****** you under a door mat with my long foot but I had ***** ******.
Why did jovi then go washing the rocks?
You spit on him like a gooky *****, why now do I see it?
Haha
When Jordan was there I still freed fire flies
"Do as thou wilt" which side are you on dude.. The side with another slice of pastrami.
I feel it so much more when it starts

Alone in every sense.
I read to my self my words that sit crumpled.
I pick up a gay rose and eat it.  No where to go but up.  Down is a destination too. You learn a little bit more about yourself when you're down. My legs snap like a watermelon,  the putrid **** is stitched in my clothes.  Valiant hands salute. I spit on your flag. I spit on tyrants. I spit on collectives with no instilled values other than consumption. I laugh at every opportunity.  I  feed the mouse that sits in a log. It's been a long day and my eyes hurt.  Someone is yelling me that isn't me.  My head hurts too. Who knew

massive headache, splitting my skull and poking my diseased brain;
I can't keep
living this way, facing no where, and kissing dust. I can't keep believing in pagan fairytales and digging countless graves for every piece of me that dies, every single day, and so pitifully
  I need relief and I don't know what it'll take. 10 years of this,  10 years of
  how and why. the floors are squeaky clean now, and the doors are locked with rusty chains. I open my heart to you, praying for refuge

Fake ******* *****
"I'M SO WEIRDDDD, I'M INTO ALL SORTS OF CREEPY **** 🤪"
the second I mention that I collect animal specimens she blocks me
It just hurts because I liked her face
I wanted to wear it

Given to god and the flies like the shapely things they are with maggoty arms and lungs full of cement I Dance on craning heads and hit my face in the pool duck
Raining over everyone, nirvana in the sense that faith is delusion I pick away a subtle man in the flow with your hammy down wrapper *** rag in a fat pig origami *****
Set on fire, what was once faith means annihilation. "See me at 5" the choir lunges, l sing til dawn , I pick up the last of the leaves. Soon and everyone goes to heaven

a ****** and a crackerjack dont go smoking with out the rope or the hognose tie gets laid in the face machine

pushed for the review
I don't take chances in the arrow socket
lord
has his signs

your trying too hard;
figure a
litmus

industry

gobbled by the majic   ignoring your salad

bewildered in a
cruel way

slap me or
slap yourself

she blocked me finally, well I did first, but she had the last word.
2.1 years gone.
Some say the best way to look at it is as though it was a chapter.
What did you learn?
And if nothing, there's always a new story

](ķ*&they walked back thru the street of snow and ice with whispers in fog. It took too much to stay but we couldn't leave so we lit a f ire. I didn't mind. I was somewhere else   ⅖

I need to prioritize my health again and that means
mental health  too
.

That means absences from all the calls,
and time wasters; people looking to be strung along because they can't find their own path.

you need to detox,
and it takes a lot of self-reflection and
BOREDOM.

boredom heals in the same way starvation
cannibalizes
a tumor through autophagy. give yourself some

time

dirt in my eyes, black in my lung, tar in my soul, **** in my heart,
**** in my brain,
**** in my mouth,
**** in my hands.

You talk to me a little
''how are you baby?"
" I don't know
I feel like someone is cutting through my neck with a rusty
spatula.it ******* *****''

''well I'm sorry to hear that''
''you're always sorry,
when are you ever going to be sincere?"

she rubs her arm
"it's not my fault you're always miserable"

I look at the light,
I agree, and there's no real responding to it.
"well ******* then"

the door slams and she leaves.   I throw a brick at the wall and make a huge hole for the spiders to climb in.
I awake with bites all over me,
the lantern swings in the wind. wizard of oz is on. Why is it on? it's so old.

she comes back

"I forgot my shoes"

she picks them up and proceeds to look at me, while a tear rolls down her cheek.

"like I said, I'm sorry"

the door closes, and a rush of cool air blows in, and my hair stands still, and the arm produces prickly bumps.

I don't want to be here any longer.
I don't want to watch this movie.
I walk outside.

I walk 13 miles and get to a bus stop. I give him my $5 and get on. I sit down, and 13 hours later, I'm somewhere else.  I'm somewhere else, foreign,
new,
scary,
devastating,
but still the chill persists.   let me run. please. let me escape. let me go

Pushed aside with no mercy and my head deloused,
Scraped into a bin along a ***** subway crowded by bugs.

Eyes are misaligned and so is the soul, dreams like flight among the black dunes
What does it matter, it's just some more words for the flames
Everything been said, everythings been plundered and there is no mystique
left to wring out of this husk

no one becomes an addict overnight;
that's at least the testimony
I hear from ****** addicts and users of other illicit drugs.

I am a mere consumer of alcohol,
benign usually in a small doses but the most destructive
overall in terms of certain statistics.

but here I am drinking every night, and if a day goes by without consumption I get a sort of anxiety knowing
that I'll have to endure the day sober, and what a boring prospect that it is.

It's not that the chemical itself is addictive, which it obviously is, but the main point is escapism.
This life is garbage;
I'm isolated living in a rural ******* ontop a ******* mountain with barely any means to commute considering I'll be snowed in for the next 4 months.

I genuinely feel cursed.
I don't want to fail but all the forces conspire against me. I am bitter and tired
and I feel old.
I've never felt old, but the years now I've begun to count

I was supposed to die at 27, maybe 28 will be my new
lucky number

I talked to her for an hour on the phone and she called me babe and the night prior I was pounding her as she cried out and begged for more; I then pumped into her and watched a movie after whilst cuddling.
Now she deleted me.
This is why I say "they don't t belong to me it was just my turn"
I then get back on my app & match with a Latina named "Rain"

Don't know what to say
These words are hollow, collapsing in on me.

I see a truncated face and wrinkled fingers which wipe away tears.
Acid bath,
Pig stain.
**** what doesn't scream back, the bag won't tighten over shrunken heads.
I hate this life,  because I always get cheated,

Cheated out of living.   Only pins in these eyes. And I smile

It took time to forget

I didn't think i would but i did
And i remember the good
Like
Faucets running
And fires burning
What did I go crazy for

?

Stuck inside drowning and not even a crowd to watch my demise.
If I'm going to go out I at least want others to see. Im tired of being stifled. I'm tired of being one of billions. I'm missing my tribe. My kin. Who has my back anymore? Anyone other than a meaningless acquabtence?
I'm stuck in the tomb and I'm losing my humanity. My emotions are being filed down. At least hate used to sustain me but I have even lost that. Stop ******* sqaushing me down and sqaushing me in a ******* box. WHO THE **** ARE YOU TO DICTATE MY LIFE? Who shackled me and tied me down? I will fight back I will not take anymore. I will not accept this fate. You killed my kin and robbed me of my ancestral spirit and now I am just a wild animal. I am no longer human. I am a force of nature

who was that?

WHO was THAT???


who was that?


who WAS that?

that.

who was that?

was that, who?

WHO?

who

who was?

who was that,
and what was that,
but really who was that,
that was a who?



anyway we need more drugs

Lots of people are lonely, but you have the false assumption that being around another person will fix your loneliness. Do you not remember the nights intertwined with someone wishing you could be anywhere else? You just desire what you don't currently have, and it's normal human nature, but your issue seems to be of a greater spiritual emptiness that no one person alone can fill, nor will ever fill. Perpetual longing is the default state of man and you suffer because of this desire,

Quit my job today, the phone
rings and it's transcribed to me, desperation, but they cut my hours so
I don't give a ****.

I'm barely coherent I feel and this poem is awful. Lacking soul. I've lost my soul and confidence. My self esteem is nothing. I am less than fly ****, I am frothing maggoty waste.
I am a skid on the road after the rolling head barked at me.

I lost my love and so I lose my mind. I wish words could help me.  This last fit will
do me in

I want to **** myself,

but Im so tired of talking about it. lights out,
and nothing more.

solid glass,

and bleeding into a sense,
with my brains smashed.
I ******* HATE LIFE.

why can't I have more.

I cry every night,

I try to be strong,
I try to be the 'hard guy'.

I can beat any ******, but I'm tired. I want to die,
I want to lie down in dirt
and breathe nothing.

you've hurt me,

and I've hurt myself. you've told me to hurt myself and so I have.

I have no more dreams, I sleep until 5
,

I work until I die,

I make money just to die,

I live just to die,

I sit down
and **** a girl and **** myself afterwards.
I love no one,

not even myself.   I want to drawn, and the last 30 people that want me to go,

I've already left.


walking on the pavement on the hill, in the sunset I see 30 high rises,

I see a cathredal and parted clouds, the birds speak my name,

I jump and free the god that haunts me.

the god that haunts me,

and I no longer cry. I am
free ,        free,         free , free from the strange sorrow and strange


confusion