I can feel myself sinking deeper

Into my skin

Unable to recognize who I once

Was

How much more

Will the black hole inside

Take from me?

Dance effortlessly in the moonlight

As the rhythm of the night

Carries you away

Into the dawn

I hate how big

       This bed feels

                    Without you

                                        In it

How much more can you keep bottled up

Inside of you?

The voice

Inside my head

Is no longer

Mine

Can you find

                           The strength within

                                                                 You

                                Or are you too scared

                                              to even look?

Do you remember

When we were young

And the future was still a sweet sensation

Within our minds

When did it all

Become so bitter?

When did I go from being a beautiful memory

To just another painful entry

In your diary?

The soft morning light veers through the cracks in the blinds

Reminding you that today is a new day;

And that the next chapter in your life is simply waiting for you to write it

Try not to dwell in unchangeable nightmares of yesterday;

Focus only on the sweet dreams of today

Mister man behind the wall

Can you hear me call?

Can you hear me at all?

‘Cause I can hear you

Trying to scratch your way out

Why don’t you come out?

And be with me

On the other side

I dance in the darkness

Sipping on star shine

With hopes of becoming the

Light

I feel your presence lingering behind me

An old feeling rises to the surface

Reminding me of who I used to;

Be

I remember the first time I saw you

We were both scared kids waiting at the bus stop

And I knew from that moment

That you were going to be my bestfriend

But that dissipated after we tried to change;

The flow of our friendship;

And now we're nothing but;

Strangers

Looking in the past

Can remind you of the best times;

You've had;

And';

The worst

The sun warms the soul;

Yet the smell of rain lingers;

Ever so closely;

Behind me

Remnants of who I was

Lay scattered across your floor

Like ***** laundry

That you have no intention of cleaning

Parts of me that will be pushed under your;

Bed

Parts that will be;

Forgotten

Do not allow loving words;

From a broken heart;

To penetrate your skin

I am not boring


          I promise there is more to me


                                                                       On the inside

Become content with the idea that change isn’t immediate

Accept that you have time to reflect upon your growth;

And never feel selfish for taking the necessary time for reflection

Let your mind stand still;

So that you can properly move forward

Fear not the flowers


                                     That flourish


                                                               From your hard work

Do not smile because someone told you to


                                                           Smile because you are truly happy

There is a door in front of me

It appears to be old, yet somehow new

It wasn't here before, but I feel as though that isn't true

I reach for the handle and as I get close I begin to hear whispering

The sounds are not coming from behind it, rather they are around it

They want me to open it, to see what lies behind

I do

There is nothing, a wall of nothing, shrouded in black

The whispers stop, I am cold

The door slams shut and disappears

I am cold, very cold

I am nothing

You sit there, staring;
Judging every ounce of my being

Chipping away at every flaw in my character;
And every mistake I have made

I see you whisper to yourself;
Under heavy silent breaths

Words of chaos and destruction

I am unbothered;
For I know you no longer know who I am

I'm not entirely sure I know who I am;
But I do know that the being sitting before me

Is no longer me

We live in the past because we cannot see the future

We dwell on every mistake, failure, and heartbreak;
Because we that's what is familiar to us

The idea of realizing how much we've changed is unfathomable to us;
Simply because we don't believe in ourselves

We are great and we are worthy of every good thing that has happened and will happen

Choose not to dwell in the past;
And learn to dream in the future

Understand how capable you are

Become the you I know you can be

Life paints poetry upon our flesh through scars we earned;
From the battles we survived

Each one, significant

Each one a reminder of how we thought we were weak;
And useless

Now they serve as proof of our strength;

Wear them valiantly and with pride

Show them to the world

Let them see how you survived

Fingers run through tangled hair;
And I see you wince in pain;
As I pull ever so gently

I feel your breath on my neck;
As your head lays on my chest;
Looking up with soft eyes

It is as if you see something that isn’t there;
A version of me known only to you;
A version worth loving

My eyelids grow heavy;
And you are already asleep;
Everything is as it should be

One day you left, without any intention of returning

Leaving me to become the man of the house at the old age of seven

You gave me much more than just a new responsibility, you gave me your characteristics as well

You helped make me cold and uncaring, unable to see anything besides my hurt for so long

I was slowly becoming the man you are and I became the person I didn't want to be

I have made the same mistakes you have and they fill my heart with guilt everyday

I have become better over time, but the person you made me still lives inside, and claws to get out;

And I fear that in time, he will get out, and I will grow into you

So thank you for leaving and filling my soul with the essence of you

My mother has always been my biggest fan;
But not always my bestfriend

Constantly picking apart my flaws, at what always seemed to be the worst moment possible

Could easily identify mine, but refused to acknowledge hers;
Constantly making her upbringing her excuse and to why she is the way she is

My childhood is the reason I am who I am, but I do constantly throw it in her face

Hiding perfectly behind a wall of excuses and within a sea of trauma, my mother has become the perfect worst version of herself

She now tries to be better, but still refuses to accept any actual change

I hope she soon finds peace within herself because no one deserves to leave this world with a heavy heart

Do you ever hear something that leaves you feeling a wave of nostalgia?

You get a warm familiar feeling and are left with a strange tingling feeling across your entire body

Pleasant memoires surrounding that particular song take you back to better days

Days without sadness or melancholy

And when it ends, you feel a little bit sad, wishing for just five more minutes of peaceful pleasantness

I wish I could feel like this forever

Light peeks through the closed curtains and I wipe the tired from my eyes. The first thought is coffee and what to do today, as if I need to actually do anything on a Saturday.

A somber silence fills the house, it seems that I am the only one here. I welcome the thought of alone time, yet at the same time I wish someone was here.

Maybe someone who genuinely cared of the thought of waking next to me, hell, I'd even take someone who was miserable at the thought.

My body is tired from the week that ended faster than expected and my mind is exhausted from the thought of having to do it again the day after tomorrow. This working for a living thing is proving to be a chore.

These random ramblings from a tired man feel necessary and un-necessary all at the same time, yet I feel better nonetheless now that I have let them leave my thoughts.

Let's get this weekend over with, So a new one can begin.

Why do I always pick the people

Who appear to be save havens

But are really just;

Broken homes?

My hands have grown strong from constantly picking up my broken pieces

For this, I am grateful

My back has grown strong from carrying around the weight of my failures

For this, I am thankful

My legs have grown tired from aimlessly wandering around in search of a better me

But little did I know that I was searching for something I had already become something beautiful on my journey of self repair

These changes came without me knowing and more come everyday

And for this, I am hopeful

The air has become cold and brittle once more

And the snow follows close behind

As I prepare for the change in the weather

I can feel my seasonal shadow approaching

And with it, the reminders of the past

Linger ever so closely

But I am not the same person my shadow visited the year before

Will it even be able to recognize me?

I hope not

We are all just paper people

Patiently waiting for the wind

To carry us away

To places we've only dreamed of

We are fragile in nature

But our strength within keeps us hopeful

As we wait for the day

Where we find a place to call home

Take the worst parts of yourself
And place them in a place
Where every so often you see them as you pass by
And allow them to remind you
That you are a better person now
Because of them

Words fail to fall from my fingertips

As I sit here, feebly trying to write something

The idea is there, yet my imagination eludes me

Trying to press words onto digital paper

Seems like an impossible feat

But I try anyway

With hopes that something creative will come from it

But in the end, I feel all that I am doing is

Rambling