When my eyes first fixed upon him
my bones began to break
my heart began to ache
And as it slipped down to my stomach
the ground began to shake

But I don't even know his name
nope, don't even know his name
but every time I catch a glimpse
I always feel the same

Too many days I felt like
I couldn't even breathe
but a voice I've never heard before
buries me beneath
Below the surface of a fallacy
a fantasy, a stupid girl's dream
I can't begin to believe
that anything I wish for could ever happen to me

I feel so ******* weary
paranoid and dreary
Too many days I've spent just thinking about him near me
Why do I even bother?
What's even the point?
to pine after some boy who's probably smoking a joint

"A quick temper." A friend tells me
"A cheater," he says
but I can't believe anything other than what goes on in my head
my mind's screaming like a banshee
just thinking of what he could be
Thinking about that day when he first fixed his eyes upon me.

"Why don't you talk?"
I smile and shrug
"I don't know"
But I do
It's not something I can explain to just anybody
The anxiety that crawls up my back and breathes down my neck
The flaring of my cheeks and my speedy heartbeat when anybody speaks to me

"She doesn't talk."
They say to anybody who doesn't "understand"
But I do
I think but I don't say
For fear that my tiny words won't be heard by their fleeting ears
or maybe my voice will crack in some unflattering way

I'm afraid that everyone I care for
will leave
bored by my silence
or impatient with my lack of words
I'm trying
honestly
To find the courage to let words fly
To let them carelessly flow out
and caress whoever dares to listen
But they all know me as
"The girl who doesn't talk"
That's all they focus on
"I'll get you to talk!"
"We'll be friends!"
But those people don't ******* care

I love when someone speaks
without expecting me to say anything
but they ask my opinion
and ignore the fact that my mouth is closed and notice my smile
That's when I open up
That's when I'm finally comfortable
When they don't see me as "the quiet girl"
They treat me like I'm normal
not someone they have to "fix"
Because I am not a broken toy

Loud and boisterous
their green, blue, brown feathers
fluttered with enthusiasm
they pranced like enraged dancers
around a still pasture of evergreen

The sky dissolved into a milky white
feathered with thin grey clouds
when I saw him
pitch black and inky
he wasn't natural
this peacock's feathers looked like they had been dipped in oil
He was larger than the others
with a stoic expression and confident stance
he was quiet among the other birds
He was alluring, almost mysterious
I wanted to embrace this bird
but I knew I wasn't worthy
at least I thought I wasn't

And he was gone
Just like that
like a ghost I knew I would never see again
but I still dream of meeting him