even if we are never together again
the memories that i have of us
will take up most of my mind
when i see the flash before my eyes
right before i die
and if i feel lonely enough
and i have the courage i will
be in control of when i see this
flash before my eyes experience.

too much stuff, too little time
too little stuff, too much time.

This time.
Ive drowned so fast.
There wasn't time to yell for help.
Water filled my lungs,
And weighed me down
Into an eternal sleep.

911- whats your emergency?
i cant feel anything, im choking, its hard to breathe.
help is on the way.
no one can help me now...
ma'am? ma'am? please stay on the phone.

Drowning,
I am Drowning.
As water fill my lungs,
There is a pounding.
As my life comes into perspective,
and i FINALLY understand.
Stupidly, my last thought is:
"Oh, I am finally dying."

i want you, only you
but, who the **** are you?

i feel it coming to attack-
my feet drag-
my head spins-
i find it hard to get out of bed again-
my soul wants to live, but my mind is trying so hard to die-

how can anyone love me when im so flawed and i cant even love myself?

"who are you going to formal with?"
"i'm taking myself..."

so many plans
plans to get you back
shattered because
stupidly i thought you loved me,
but of course
you *dont

i aspire to be a writer so i can have my fantasies fulfilled, as sad as it sounds i will live through my characters and i will never write just for the money, all my books will be connected with me. if i ever publish, i will take time to meet my fans and explain my inspirations. because as a reader, i always want to know more...

Something is very wrong,
Have i been like this all along?
Now that all the drama and pain has gone away...
I still feel all the pain.

Something is very wrong,
I feel that i've sensed it all along.
First i was cutting,
then i stopped eating.
Now i overeat.
When will these disgusting cycles end.

Something is very wrong,
My mother doesn't love me,
My father expects something i cannot deliver.
My sister looks up to me.

Something is very wrong,
I have felt this way all along...
When was my smile real?

i want people to want me
i want attention
i want to have the best high school experience
i want someone to hold me
i want someone to love me
i want to know who i am
i want to be me
i want to be noticed
i want to be liked
i want to be loved to the most extent
i want
i want
i want
i want to die sometimes
but does 1 want override more than 10?
i want to understand.

as i saw you for the first time in forever
and as we embraced
i felt you slip from between my fingers...

it says to be happy to get you back
but
to be happy is to have you back

'how are you?'

'well, right now, im actually dying...'

'What do you have?'*

'It's not what i have, it's what i don't.'

everything that you dont believe in,  you keep me away from.
everything that i believe in is wrong, and you hold me back.
this i will hate you for.

i want to die,
but its so hard to say
*goodbye

i just can't.

i hear
the beat of my hollow heart
i see
the fake smile plastered on my face
i feel
the watering of my eyes
i need
worth
i want
love

i could do *it

Дата была установлена.
то не существует.
Я действительно не хочу, чтобы это сделать.
но,
я на самом деле.*



*the date was set.
then it didn't exist.
i really dont want to do this.
but,
i really do.

i am at a loss within myself.

when words are not enough, i dont know what is...

shes an amazing person
she doesnt deserve this
shes one of my bestfriends
and im here only one
as i cried from the pain she felt
he asked what was wrong
and all i could do was lie
'nothing im perfect...'
when all i wanted to do was
ask him to hold me
even just for a day