You’ve got me strapped to this bed

I feel my mind leaving my head

I’m close to being dead

I can feel the needle break deep inside of my veins

They tell me I’m insane

But they made me that way

Every day it’s the same old thing

Nothing is what it seems

I swear I’m going crazy

I feel so hazy

There are so many needles in my arm

They said they would do no harm

But look at me and my insanity

I will dye my beloved brown hair blonde for you
Stand at the mirror -
I pour down the peroxide.
Knives grate my eyes and yet
they've never felt this alive
With my wild smile and
yellow hair. No longer a cub,
but a Lioness.

I will slit my wrists in the bath for you
In any case
these full veins will only take up space.
Fumes of pink against the ceramic varnish
I smile at the sight of your blood leaving me
and this bath has never felt so like home.

i cant tell
if you
actually
have power over me,
or if i allow you too.
sure right now,
you have at least a little,
but in 1 year? 2?
ill be 16
ill already have
a
foot
out
the
door.
but,
of course
"thats fine by you".
you beg and plead
"dont pull away."
sadly,
daddy,
im not pulling as
much as you are
pushing
im ready to walk away-
mentally-
will i be ready to defy you in a year.
will i have the courage?