If I’m being honest
I have never felt
comfortable in my own body
I always thought
my chest was never
big enough for my heart
my mind
too slow for my thoughts
and my weight
too light to
handle all this heaviness

Words
are not enough
to express
the things I feel

I want to die
I want to live
I want to explore
I want to forgive

I want to stay here
I want to be under
the ground

I want to die
I want to live

please tell me,
when will this end?

I’d be lying to myself
if I ever thought
that this feeling
ever went away
it’s always rooted
deep inside of me
yes,
the feeling of
wanting to die,
it’s always there
because no matter
how many pills I take
It’ll always be here
rooted in my heart
a perpetual feeling
that’s too unusual
for me to be feeling

back to square one
the square I hate the most
no amount of good grades,
good deeds
and good friends
would budge me
out of that square

The sun sinks
and I do my best not to sink with it
at least it’s done it’s job
lit the world for another day
I have just sat here
and complained all day