All she had was her fire
And that was plenty,
To burn herself
all her desires withered and fell
As solid turned to ash
And embers seized the memorie that made her
smoke rose and told her,
All you have is your fire and that’s enough.

I don’t know what is it I fear
I don’t know what I despise, but I despise this the most  
I envy your will, for I have been broken time after time for it
I wanna smash my head into the nearest wall
This stupid useless thing
Every time I try to let myself down easy, I know there’s only disappointment after
It shouldn’t be like that you know,
I wasn’t like this

Do my poems get the best of me?
I mean mentally,
Do they shape my feelings into words
Just to get the best of me?
“ So beautifully written” they say
But I am the only one who feels the weight of them
Yeah “so beautifully”

Why am i loving this feeling?
Buzz, the killing type
Don't know but, in a way I know exactly
What's going on
Trying to interface, between I and the photos that you call real life
Gathering actions, it takes me a few minutes to understand.

I am the night,
They see and don’t feel
But the loneliest one
I am the knight,
They stand behind
And I hear the rythem of the fight
The battle bleeds,
And the knights are sacrificed.

Moving my body so it doesn't fall
Reading my poems so i can stay calm
Standing still so there won't be more.

Looking for me between pictures
Looking for you, but you're just fiction
Asking, i have a mission
Sitting down, i have a vision
Tasting, im not reminiscing
Crying, im not thinking
solace in, silence out
Well, guess you're blending in,
Take me, I am out
Hands above your head
With your black background.

No depression shall take the beauty out of you
Went to you with a poem of mine
Saying “Im no good, Im no good”
You took the edge off, made me look at the bright bright sun saying “ maybe I shall rise like you when it’s time for the bleak night to end”
Cause we are like the moon and sun; should never be too old nor young
And again, my depression shall never take
The beauty off you.

You find hope  in the little things, I’m no one to tell you to lose it
I don’t wanna break the hands that ever reached out and helped me but ******* they held me under
Held me tight
And I wanna let you go but, letting go hurts you and I know
I know
Why does it matter if we go our separate ways?
why do you care?
You didn’t care enough to stay
Why do you care? You didn’t notice our goodbyes in the silence
You didn’t notice the change of our way.

Barely catching a breath
Nearly falling of the edge
So close to finding yourself
So far away from knowing it.

I was your poison, before the world went grey
I was crazy, before you called me insane
I was beautiful, before you called my       Beauty "pain"  
You've changed my title, cause you didn't want to feel the same
As they all say, I was crazy, competitive and stubborn,
So you saw them all but, in a different way
Baby trust me, I am your soulmate.

You don't wanna try so I learned all the tricks for you
you don't wanna go to another direction so i ate all the rocks and they got through, through my eyes and my heart for you
I stood there like a wall to block the ugly vision that was in front of you
I guess they were true
You didn't appreciate me but, I wished you would do.

**** they're playing him sad songs
Sad songs for a warrior, songs, that mess with his head
So even when he dies he'd think he deserved it

Just like chalk and paper,
Soundless sounds i hear
Just like the lyrics you write,
Feelings that don’t exist apear
Red flags, yellow flags and all of the colors
But, i see only grey up here.

We really use them these days
When it’s time to turn off our blinding light
They fall into pieces
So yes, we fall back into the realization that we aren’t more than just depressed people trying to fake happiness until death.

You’ve always said to me “keep your eyes closed; I don’t wanna see your misery”
And you’ve said “ cry out loud cry out loud to the point where I don’t hear”
So I cried loud enough till the moon heard me and I talked to the echoes where my words faded into silence.

Isn’t the voices in your head loud enough! why do they have to raise their voices for you to hear them?
Isn’t air such a heavy thing to carry? Try walking around with unspoken words
The weight of them can’t be held,
Only you think you can handle
Till you fall and shatter now, look around you they think you can handle,
You’re just not worth the gamble
In their careless state of mind, in their darkness, You are a hypocrite for pretending to be strong
In their defense you didn’t tell
In your defense words didn’t make sense.

“ I am fading just like your colors do”
That’s what I wrote in the middle of it, in the deepest whole depression can dig
How could such bright colors represent such pitch black mood
Thought coloring will help, but coloring won’t do
Now looking at it, why do i still love the color blue after you?

You must admit
I am painfully human
I give my all, but still be humiliated at how little that is
I cannot control my moods,
Or my nervous breakdowns
I am overly human
I feel intensely, or nothing at all
I sometimes feel like I could cry from the beauty of our night sky
But, what is left from my dark times starts to creep in, little poisonous claws
“You are” I am,
I repeat,
“your efforts”  my efforts,
“your struggles”  my struggles,
“your worth” my worth,
“are nothing”  Are-
Oh but I sob to that
And try to fight back
But the feeling lingers,
like the softest words of endearment

Always drowning but, never deep enough
No one has ever called your bluff
You can almost feel the void, with your numb fingertips
Always deep but, never deep enough.

You write the little things people forgot
You write the memories and those are a lot
And even if I wrote in poems,
What would I even gain from this rhythm?
Nobody could understand the puzzles I’ve written,
The feelings from within
Cause nobody could get in
Nobody could reach the part that drifts and sails in this useless rhythm.

I said I’m not gonna break
But I broke anyway
Promised to hold myself but, I held my pieces away
And I whispered and after whispering came the scream
Run as far as you can from what sounds so real
For I could only imagine that if this isn’t a dream, I would never be able to wake.

It seemed reckless and harsh
The way I led you on
The way I told you I care for you freely
But it was never that
I was in shackles and I never let myself slip
Oh imagine what we could’ve been
You were a dream come true
You were what I wish I could be
Passionate and poetic in every sense
Oh the way you cared for me
And the way I never felt I could be anyone but me
But I held on to the whisper of my past
What if this was an obsession like any other love I’ve had
What if you lost interest in me
and left me be the shell of a person who had hope in better memories

You were absent, but you still cared
You brought presents, but you knew it wasn’t fair
Not to ask or hear,
Not to be jealous of the people who I am near
I fooled myself thinking you would come back, hold me tight and whisper in my ear
But we exhausted our chances
Exhausted our dreams
Nothing of our future that we spoke about would ever be
No more ‏picnics on the beach
No more loving poems, no more
They will never bleed
Not for you anyway
Not for someone along the way

We’ve only touched the surface
And tyed ribbons around the depthless sea
And mocking it’s color when ever we felt like it
The despairing silver black waves, in this crescent night
And in its nightmare, black like charcoal with no glow
How does that go without mention?
How does that not speak our truth?

I am a shy poet, who’s in conflict with his work
Or is it my feelings I despise?

My darling
The shadows have swallowed me whole
And my thoughts of you never were written
they sank into my despair
smoke and evil took the will to ever write, to ever exist
Beyond your lingering touch,
I feel nothing
Beyond this bitter taste in the back of my throat,
I taste nothing
My dear I have finally given up
On anything beyond these shadows

At least i have something i care about
At least I have something to call my passion
I’m still not sober,

Don’t you know I try so hard not to lose myself in the art I do
or the words I write
Trying not to lose myself to fiction and fantasy
Between the words that escape me
I found myself wandering in what feels like eternity
And I found what inspire me, in this hopless place
Only you can make me feel this way
Only can make me write love prosperity

The sunlight on these empty streets
And this city blown up with lights
And these nightmares as they try to reach,
The core of my well hidden steadiness,
Put on a leash

Cause all the music has become so loud
Is this how we go down?
After this beautiful view, you fall off a cliff
Watch your hand full of scars let go, for everything was in demand to be held
Everything but your hand
No songs of yours were ever sang
Poems you never wrote
Wasted passion into the mud
My face into the mud, it ends
It ends.

You find diamonds in the ocean
And you say it's a desert full of sand
I see you standing, you and your devotion
Where nobody have to stand.

‪Struggling, I thought I was standing strong‬
But i was falling slowly.

I feel sorry for the people who love
But some of them feel sorry for me.

The stars are falling into my eyes, and falling out of it, in a shape of a tear.

Then you don't need a hand to hold
You don't need a way to go
Standing there waiting to fall

You’re lonely, such a survivor
You told yourself: boys are built that way
Quick, was the perfect end to the fall
Fall, and cover yourself in this
Mind games and riddles
You hid the answer deep within

I cling to the idea of you
And slowly break knowing you are not real.

You are the only thing I wish to feel
Daydreaming,
If only you were real
It seems idiotic to hope
But I am hopelessly in need of a fracture of the simplest fairytale