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EBTI Aug 2020
My darling
The shadows have swallowed me whole
And my thoughts of you never were written
they sank into my despair
smoke and evil took the will to ever write, to ever exist
Beyond your lingering touch,
I feel nothing
Beyond this bitter taste in the back of my throat,
I taste nothing
My dear I have finally given up
On anything beyond these shadows
EBTI Mar 2020
Don’t you know I try so hard not to lose myself in the art I do?
or the words I write?
Trying not to lose myself to fiction and fantasy
Between the words that escape me
I found myself wandering in what feels like eternity
And I found what inspires me, in this hopeless place
Only you can make me feel this way
Only you can make me write about love and prosperity.
EBTI Apr 2018
You don't wanna try so I learned all the tricks for you
you don't wanna go to another direction so i ate all the rocks and they got through, through my eyes and my heart for you
I stood there like a wall to block the ugly vision that was in front of you
I guess they were true
You didn't appreciate me but, I wished you would do.
EBTI May 2017
The scars from your love
I really love, they're like my happy tattoos.
When you're blinded by love.
EBTI Jul 2018
No depression shall take the beauty out of you
Went to you with a poem of mine
Saying “Im no good, Im no good”
You took the edge off, made me look at the bright bright sun saying “ maybe I shall rise like you when it’s time for the bleak night to end”
Cause we are like the moon and sun; should never be too old nor young
And again, my depression shall never take
The beauty off you.
EBTI Feb 2020
Im lost, Im genuinely lost
Don’t you see?
I’m lost between my words
Im lost between holding on too hard or letting go too easily
I’m lost whether this is me or what the consequences made out of me
Im lost, what do I do when I don’t have confidence in me?
I’m lost, having to fight the thoughts that bring you down
And I lost a part of me
I’m lost because nothing is good enough now
Because that’s the achievements that came out of me
Im lost, should I sleep where the stress ate away from me, or should I wake up and be in my nightmare reality.
EBTI Sep 2017
Why am i loving this feeling?
Buzz, the killing type
Don't know but, in a way I know exactly
What's going on
Trying to interface, between I and the photos that you call real life
Gathering actions, it takes me a few minutes to understand.
EBTI Jun 2018
Just like chalk and paper,
Soundless sounds i hear
Just like the lyrics you write,
Feelings that don’t exist apear
Red flags, yellow flags and all of the colors
But, i see only grey up here.
EBTI Feb 2020
Black, and those that bloom die soon,
And I drown in the depth of those greens of yours
Drift,
And see what my heart saw in thee
What my poems saw in me.
EBTI Apr 2021
You must admit
I am painfully human
I give my all, but still be humiliated at how little that is
I cannot control my moods,
Or my nervous breakdowns
I am overly human
I feel intensely, or nothing at all
I sometimes feel like I could cry from the beauty of our night sky
But, what is left from my dark times starts to creep in, little poisonous claws
“You are” I am,
I repeat,
“your efforts”  my efforts,
“your struggles”  my struggles,
“your worth” my worth,
“are nothing”  Are-
Oh but I sob to that
And try to fight back
But the feeling lingers,
like the softest words of endearment
EBTI Dec 2023
You seem small and fragile
Even to my touch
I am terrified of how my love might crush you
But I cannot get myself to be the better person
I cannot hide how deep your eyes cut me
I cannot get myself to hide how stupidly I am in love with you
How much it is devastating
EBTI Dec 2018
Isn’t the voices in your head loud enough! why do they have to raise their voices for you to hear them?
Isn’t air such a heavy thing to carry? Try walking around with unspoken words
The weight of them can’t be held,
Only you think you can handle
Till you fall and shatter now, look around you they think you can handle,
You’re just not worth the gamble
In their careless state of mind, in their darkness, You are a hypocrite for pretending to be strong
In their defense you didn’t tell
In your defense words didn’t make sense.
EBTI Oct 2017
Looking for me between pictures
Looking for you, but you're just fiction
Asking, i have a mission
Sitting down, i have a vision
Tasting, im not reminiscing
Crying, im not thinking
solace in, silence out
Well, guess you're blending in,
Take me, I am out
Hands above your head
With your black background.
Let's see how this one goes
EBTI Nov 2019
Always drowning but, never deep enough
No one has ever called your bluff
You can almost feel the void, with your numb fingertips
Always deep but, never deep enough.
EBTI Apr 2021
I don’t know what is it I fear
I don’t know what I despise, but I despise this the most  
I envy your will, for I have been broken time after time for it
I wanna smash my head into the nearest wall
This stupid useless thing
Every time I try to let myself down easy, I know there’s only disappointment after
It shouldn’t be like that you know,
I wasn’t like this
EBTI Apr 2017
I am reminded by the past, where it always hurts
And the future where it can't be built out of dirt
And it really hurts me when I can't say what I really feel cause I'm gonna get hit.
EBTI Jan 2017
Then you don't need a hand to hold
You don't need a way to go
Standing there waiting to fall
EBTI Oct 2019
Tried to lit up the stars; to heal your broken heart
But you see no light,
Is that what’s killing you at night?
EBTI Mar 2020
My shoulders are a mesh of raw flesh and bones
A heavy sag I keep dragging around
I keep closing my eyes in silent hopes and prayers
I keep digging my nails in where they’ve already teared
EBTI Dec 2023
I cling to the idea of you
And slowly break knowing you are not real.
EBTI Apr 2020
I closed the lights to prove to myself
Maybe I could suffer more
MaybeI could reach and tear my limbs to reach the shore
I only closed the drapes
Because I know the light will still whisper
In its uncanny way
And undoubtedly it’s only my thoughts to see
But there’s nothing, in this void
Do you still wanna see?
Do you still wanna reach into this depthless sea?
That my words seem to drown in
Never to surface, never meaning to tell what I might feel.
EBTI Jan 2020
I fear for what I consider dimness that is only the long way to dark
I began to question the little things that don’t make sense from the start.
EBTI Aug 2017
Ain't beautiful enough.
Pleasing the society, got me looking it every picture in my phone
Hair waves, like an endless ocean,
Black as charcoal roped into gold
Soft as no one has ever touched it before
Adding your own definition of beauty, don't act like it never killed you before
The natural one, naturally kills who try to fake it.
EBTI Apr 2020
All she had was her fire
And that was plenty,
To burn herself
all her desires withered and fell
As solid turned to ash
And embers seized the memorie that made her
smoke rose and told her,
All you have is your fire and that’s enough.
EBTI Jan 2020
I should’ve reached for you in the dark nights but, I didn’t
I should’ve heared the comforting words from you, but I kept silent
I wanted to feel the lost and agony alone
Just so, I can endure alone
And need you less
Just so when we end, i can endure it.
EBTI Jul 2017
**** they're playing him sad songs
Sad songs for a warrior, songs, that mess with his head
So even when he dies he'd think he deserved it
EBTI Jul 2018
Do my poems get the best of me?
I mean mentally,
Do they shape my feelings into words
Just to get the best of me?
“ So beautifully written” they say
But I am the only one who feels the weight of them
Yeah “so beautifully”
EBTI Jan 2018
I wish i had a friend
To comfort me in the end
Where my mom shed in tears
And I smiled in fear
What could happen next year?
With such a low place in here, I just can't inhale and every time I try I fail
serried l am, with my mothers complains
I try to comfort her again and again but, every time I fail
Every time the same drill, yeah you shouldn't stay at home of course!
You should go out there and travel the world
Because you have two boys that won't leave home
And what have i done? Nothing
EBTI Nov 2020
I’ll hold with every bit of strength god gave me, cause night is just darkness without you my star
And my poems will be wounded without your name all over them
Ocean will be nothing but water, there’s nothing deeper in there, it’s blue like everything else
Color my eyes, hide me in your mind
Just like i hide you from the cruel world
Just like a child hiding it’s toy
I’ll hold your hand even though you’re far far away, hold them tight.
EBTI Jun 2017
Moving my body so it doesn't fall
Reading my poems so i can stay calm
Standing still so there won't be more.
EBTI Oct 2019
You find hope  in the little things, I’m no one to tell you to lose it
I don’t wanna break the hands that ever reached out and helped me but ******* they held me under
Held me tight
And I wanna let you go but, letting go hurts you and I know
I know
Why does it matter if we go our separate ways?
why do you care?
You didn’t care enough to stay
Why do you care? You didn’t notice our goodbyes in the silence
You didn’t notice the change of our way.
EBTI Mar 2021
I am a shy poet, who’s in conflict with his work
Or is it my feelings I despise?
EBTI Jun 2017
After a storm, we didn't want to plant again
After a rainy day, we just wanted it to be over, we didn't even bother taking a little bit of water to quench our farm
Cause we didn't know how to love after we loved so hard
We didn't know how to admit after all of these lies
And I didn't know how could you be bored after you left me
And if you really knew the real me, you would remember me for a thousand years
Cause when you see the truth, you will know every lie.
EBTI Feb 2020
We’ve only touched the surface
And tyed ribbons around the depthless sea
And mocking it’s color when ever we felt like it
The despairing silver black waves, in this crescent night
And in its nightmare, black like charcoal with no glow
How does that go without mention?
How does that not speak our truth?
EBTI Feb 2020
You’re lonely, such a survivor
You told yourself: boys are built that way
Quick, was the perfect end to the fall
Fall, and cover yourself in this
Mind games and riddles
You hid the answer deep within
EBTI Dec 2019
I am the night,
They see and don’t feel
But the loneliest one
I am the knight,
They stand behind
And I hear the rythem of the fight
The battle bleeds,
And the knights are sacrificed.
EBTI Mar 2020
With this perfect rhythm, I feel it break
With those love words, I feel further away,
from what I used to be
My words used to mean something,
something maybe deep
But they couldn’t heal this cut, this wound, this break
From this I unknown depth, Everything seems foggy
Seem to have been overtaken.
EBTI Jan 2018
I was your poison, before the world went grey
I was crazy, before you called me insane
I was beautiful, before you called my       Beauty "pain"  
You've changed my title, cause you didn't want to feel the same
As they all say, I was crazy, competitive and stubborn,
So you saw them all but, in a different way
Baby trust me, I am your soulmate.
EBTI Oct 2020
You write the little things people forgot
You write the memories and those are a lot
And even if I wrote in poems,
What would I even gain from this rhythm?
Nobody could understand the puzzles I’ve written,
The feelings from within
Cause nobody could get in
Nobody could reach the part that drifts and sails in this useless rhythm.
EBTI Jan 2020
To feel fear and not write it in your words
clinch and grind
To slowly try to swallow and speak despite the choked throat
To form words and intentionally write them wrong
You know that only you would read them so why make them instantly lost?
Confess and tell yourself
What is it that you truly fear?
The absence of someone who was truly there?
To only touch the surface? And nothing beyond, of someone who was truly there.
EBTI Jan 2020
You were absent, but you still cared
You brought presents, but you knew it wasn’t fair
Not to ask or hear,
Not to be jealous of the people who I am near
I fooled myself thinking you would come back, hold me tight and whisper in my ear
But we exhausted our chances
Exhausted our dreams
Nothing of our future that we spoke about would ever be
No more ‏picnics on the beach
No more loving poems, no more
They will never bleed
Not for you anyway
Not for someone along the way
EBTI Aug 2020
The sunlight on these empty streets
And this city blown up with lights
And these nightmares as they try to reach,
The core of my well hidden steadiness,
Put on a leash
EBTI Nov 2020
Someone tell me why we’re hurting instead of the people that should’ve been hurt?
EBTI Feb 2017
I feel sorry for the people who love
But some of them feel sorry for me.
EBTI Feb 2017
It's deeper than just a feeling
Even the tears are full of words
EBTI Nov 2019
Cause all the music has become so loud
Is this how we go down?
After this beautiful view, you fall off a cliff
Watch your hand full of scars let go, for everything was in demand to be held
Everything but your hand
No songs of yours were ever sang
Poems you never wrote
Wasted passion into the mud
My face into the mud, it ends
It ends.
EBTI Dec 2023
It seemed reckless and harsh
The way I led you on
The way I told you I care for you freely
But it was never that
I was in shackles and I never let myself slip
Oh imagine what we could’ve been
You were a dream come true
You were what I wish I could be
Passionate and poetic in every sense
Oh the way you cared for me
And the way I never felt I could be anyone but me
But I held on to the whisper of my past
What if this was an obsession like any other love I’ve had
What if you lost interest in me
and left me be the shell of a person who had hope in better memories
EBTI May 2018
When you cry over stupid things, well stupid things make sense usually
And they're the reason of that smile eventually
Can we just skip the hard part and the recovery?
Cuz we deserve that smile, the one where it  comes with out worries.
Good thing I found this in my notes ...
EBTI Dec 2018
I go wild; I could never see you cry while I do it every night
I can’t say; every time I open up it bleeds, every time I open up it won’t stop
Drowning in the misery of my fantasies,
Cover me just cover me.
EBTI Dec 2018
We really use them these days
When it’s time to turn off our blinding light
They fall into pieces
So yes, we fall back into the realization that we aren’t more than just depressed people trying to fake happiness until death.
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