I fear for what I consider dimness that is only the long way to dark
I began to question the little things that don’t make sense from the start.

You seem small and fragile
Even to my touch
I am terrified of how my love might crush you
But I cannot get myself to be the better person
I cannot hide how deep your eyes cut me
I cannot get myself to hide how stupidly I am in love with you
How much it is devastating

Im lost, Im genuinely lost
Don’t you see?
I’m lost between my words
Im lost between holding on too hard or letting go too easily
I’m lost whether this is me or what the consequences made out of me
Im lost, what do I do when I don’t have confidence in me?
I’m lost, having to fight the thoughts that bring you down
And I lost a part of me
I’m lost because nothing is good enough now
Because that’s the achievements that came out of me
Im lost, should I sleep where the stress ate away from me, or should I wake up and be in my nightmare reality.

I try with great force to abandon this feeling that comes everyday
That I’m not good with words or numbers
I’m not good at all
Trying to ignore the feeling that my grades don’t define me but, they do
And I’m no good
No good at all
Can’t help but to feel jealous and pity myself for that
Trying to push back the cruel words i might say to myself
Trying not to tear up
Where did my confidence go?
Distract myself but, someday, someday soon, I’ll end up alone with no people no books but with all these thoughts that haunt me.

With this perfect rhythm, I feel it break
With those love words, I feel further away,
from what I used to be
My words used to mean something,
something maybe deep
But they couldn’t heal this cut, this wound, this break
From this I unknown depth, Everything seems foggy
Seem to have been overtaken.

To feel fear and not write it in your words
clinch and grind
To slowly try to swallow and speak despite the choked throat
To form words and intentionally write them wrong
You know that only you would read them so why make them instantly lost?
Confess and tell yourself
What is it that you truly fear?
The absence of someone who was truly there?
To only touch the surface? And nothing beyond, of someone who was truly there.

Black, and those that bloom die soon,
And I drown in the depth of those greens of yours
Drift,
And see what my heart saw in thee
What my poems saw in me.

It's deeper than just a feeling
Even the tears are full of words

I knew, I knew, I’ve always known
You’re not here to stay
I’ve been writing poems since the start
I’ve gotta comfort myself in the end
I’ve always wished, the peace is in the end
What we lived wasn’t reality, but we tasted the bitterness, we cried together
I stayed for yours
Mine wasn’t enough for you to stay
Either the druging highs or the numbing lows
Ours wasn’t meant to be in the between
We were that weak
Don’t ask me if it was real
The numbness for sure was surreal.

You are you to yourself before dawn
You are you to yourself when you are waiting for sunlight to be sunshine
You are you to yourself when you climb the mountain you fell from
You are you to yourself when a laugh end with tears
And most importantly, you are you to yourself when the beautiful sea
Makes you wonder why are we even here?

I don't care
That's what my mom says
It's not fair, that's what my heart says
justice? Who does it these days
I’m ok but my heart disagrees, you know it's only good when you say it's good
Don't calm me down, don't even say it's okay cuz those tears never fall with out me saying “no please no” so i suffer then i let them go
But you will never know, that's the way I choose to go
Don't cry baby don't cry, just wipe your tears and fly, it won't be easy but, at least
You won't die
So I hope you try it's a trip to haven.