today i am a square
predictable, straight, and fair
my edges wind and curve
to spite the minds unnerve

i feel the greatest depths
i walk along the fence
but couldn’t see a sign
the dark was far too bright

today i’ve lost my curls
no longer is there a girl
sworn to see what’s true
that was before i met you

sit here in this cold dark room
too easy to get lost in you
suddenly there comes a light
will i be free this time?

i run
look around
what happened
to this town

dead smiles
deadly frowns
human spirit
broken down

not for me
i’d like
to be free

running
running
to what
i don’t know

to where i stand now
to family that’s found

I cry at inconveniences,
ones that wouldn't impact others
yet leave my inconsolable.

Id like to say I'm proud
of my ability to feel everything so deeply.
Unfortunately I dislike it the most
as I often get written off as hysteric,
my options rarely get heard

I try to comfort myself, often failing
until I came to a grave realisation.
Maybe I'm not too emotional,
the worlds just been dulled

So strangers starving no longer feels big,
So we don't cry for people who die
if we've never met them.

Maybe I'm not even emotional enough
because every day I still get out of bed with a smile
whilst someone else looses their most beloved.

Maybe I'm a terrible person
for carrying on when they can't.

“Are you okay?” they ask me
“Im fine” i say
But the truth is im not fine
I've never been fine
The scars may leave
But the reasons behind them will continue to linger
Depression may stay
But distractions are always near
The world eventually stops
all feeling disappear
I hide in my room and sit
I sit there and cry
Each tear with a reason behind it
The world stops when i have no distractions
“Do you wanna hang out?”
My biggest cry for help
Maybe i deserve these scars
This pain
This hurt
Maybe i deserve the reasons behind it
Sometimes i need time to think
Maybe i am a bad person
I really think i am
I deserve every cut
Every mean word said to me
I need to be humbled
I live in fear everyday of what i might do to myself
Would i do it
No
Do i think about it every day
Yes
My world spins as i think about every bad thing i did
I deserve every scar
Every cut
I deserve to sit in my room
And cry
All this pain and all this hurt
I bring it upon myself
Im running out of distractions
Im running out of hope

I’m not pretty
I’ve never been pretty
And I doubt I’ll ever be
I compare myself to other girls
The ones with flat stomachs
And skinny waists
The waists I try to get
I starve myself
I only eat around people I care about
So they won’t worry
I compare myself to the girls with the pretty hair
The brunettes and the blondes
I yearn to be like them
I compare myself to the girls with the better face shapes
The ones I try to be with makeup
I compare myself to the girls with prettier faces
The ones with better skin
The ones with whiter teeth
The ones with fuller chests
Cause I know
I know
I’ll never be like them

I loved you
back in 8th grade

I sent a secret note for you
and you took it
and my feelings grew

but then it got revealed
my number, my name
everything

all your friends contacted me
wanting to know who I was

you said it was an accident
that they stole it and didn't give it back
but you still wanted to know me

I was relieved and hurt
I didn't control my feelings
and I told you it was the wrong number and person

and till this day I regret it
I wished I told you the truth
that it was me

Now I see you everywhere
and I cant help but to still love you  

I still love you