I wish when I was younger
I had the sense to enjoy the simplicities
of having everything taken care of for you.

And at 17 nearly, I realise how hypocritical this is.
In no time at all, I'll refer to these years
much the same

Who are you to decide my worth
When you don't even know me?

I want to wade into the dark depths of the ocean at midnight
and stop right when my nose hovers above the water

and see what I'd do

I love you and you know that
But it's time we faced the facts
I'm third best and you know it
You've no hesitation to show that

No matter what I say or do
Or how hard I may try
There's always going to be someone else
Around to make me lie

I'm happy, I'm okay
I really really don't care
Even though part of me is screaming
I just wish you were there

Not just over a message
Or on a phone call
But here in real life
Catching me when I'm about to fall

Maybe I'm overreacting
But at this point I don't care
Because I'm third best
To them, I don't compare.

Sing me a sweet lullaby
a tune that will reverberate through my head
as you softly whisper goodbye

if you love the wrong people,
                      
                          how can you expect them to
    


                 love you back?

We used to laugh a lot, you and I.
We used to mess around with each other,
We used to be daring.

We used to pull pranks on the teachers,
We used to pretend to smoke those stupid lollies right in front of them,
We used to not care.

You used to think I was pretty, and cool.
You used to play with my hair at recess,
You used to tell me you liked me.

You used to be so kind, and funny,
You used to care about me,
But then again, we used to be 11 years old.

Because we used to talk, you and I.
We used to confide in and stick up for each other
But then I used to be skinny, and not so loud.

We used to be just barely in highschool,
Each gone on different paths.
You used to ignore me and then all of a sudden, you're with her.
You used to not be a ****.

And we used to be friends.

"I'm sorry"

I cannot bear to see you like this
Keeled over, clutching at your heart
Like you feel broken inside

"I didn't mean it"

You say that, and yet I know
You long to hurt me, for unknown reasons.
You cannot bear to face the consequences.

"I want you to be happy"

And yet you do not account for your actions truly
You yearn to destroy me, to make me feel the way you do.
I yearn to make you happy.

"I won't do it again"

I cannot bear to see you like this again
Regardless of your inadequate sincerity
Despite your lack of legitimate care.

I want to make you happy
Despite your deliberate destruction of my dignity.

Grinding hips and licking lips,
That’s all you’ve ever wanted.
I’d much prefer to be absurd
And grinding much less flaunted.

You aren’t fair.
You tease me.
You flirt.
You say that I’m beautiful.
You touch your forehead to mine.
You make me feel like it’s happening.
And then...
****. Gone. Outtie.
Why does no one love you
Is your most favourite question
Why won’t anyone date you
Is obviously second best
And you ask me these constantly
And to my answers I do attest
No one loves you cos you won’t let them.
No one dates you because you're on guard.
And I’ll stroke your head real gentle,
Im showing you my hand in this game of cards.
I’m laying it all out in everything
And you tease and flirt all the same
I’m not joking anymore
I don’t know how long I can play this game.
Because you’re breaking the rules and you know it
And now I’m really tired
Of staying awake at 2.47 am
Because you’re not fair
And you’re keeping me awake

you've grown up, kiddo.
I've seen the way she looks at you,
the way you look at her,
you're in love

I've seen the way your cynicism
can only make her smile
and the way she fumbles on her words
only makes you laugh

I've heard you both
at similar stages
"No, I'm not into her"
"Nah nah I'm not over it"

And somehow you both ended up here today
me being an awkward third wheel
while you both stared lovingly into each others eyes
it makes me so so happy, yet sick to the core

you see, just because i am truly
one hundred percent happy for you
doesnt mean I don't occasionally think
"I wish you'd chosen me"

But it wasn't a matter of choice,
was it?

After all,
the heart doesn't choose what it wants

it just knows.