Over the past few years, the need for happiness,
was high, but my feelings were low,
I guess you could say I am numb,
but I have a strong appearance,
so the sadness never shows.

The happier I was at times,
the more misfortune I'd receive,
as an unwelcome gift.

My heart has been torn, broken,
emotionally scarred and bruised,
but I have never given in to the pain,
because of the strength I supposedly possess,
a reason I let go without thought,
despite knowing of the later,
consequence of me doing so,
eventually I knew that trouble,
trouble was to come & I'd be undone,
I would have to battle myself again,
knowing I could be easily broken,
while trying to patch up my old wounds,
and heal my own personal scars.

A few years ago, I had no faith,
I had no hope, I had no strength,
I was lost, delusional at my worst,
trying to keep myself together,
in this battle of life or death.

I have my own share of regrets,
my secrets, my stories to tell,
but the thought of telling people,
made my eyes swell up,
ready to cry tears,
I was willing to stop,
stop my own heart,
to keep my pain,
a secret in tact.

Self-love, what is that?
I have never known it.
I have only ever covered myself,
in the disguise which is my smile,
whether anyone ever knew,
I guess I'll never know.