Dear Father
I am having another birthday
number 54 without you

I remember what you said

I think I have been in that place

you told would exist

might be here now

Dear Mother
this is number 1
without you

I hope you are laughing
in some solar wind

riding photons *******
over North Dakota's snowy ground

as you spread through
these universe thin of life

Arriving uncertain
that I want to be here
or anywhere really

well here is actually terrific
blah blah blah
my fingers are being hijacked

by feelings that don't know
where they are headed
just not just not can't say it

this taut band
snapping

Mollifiers appear don't they
saying sensible hate-able things

misplaced misplacements
accumulate on my imaginary fire

even if it is snail slow this is burning
down the rollicking house

typing in a safe space I imagine
such consternation

or am, not sure yet about prepositions
or today's direction

cardinal things undress
past wanting

I'll crush you

I'll crush you
an' your hard
mentionables

I'll crush you
unless you turn out
to be a higher form of life
which happens
really really often

Such that  you would think
I would get a clue
you worthless reader
and I am bereft of hope

barely can I type on
reporting the ebbing state
running my almost arms
onto  oh onto this forever

Let's make it 12
for those who think
they aren't
able to save public

The "write" button
resists my click
I've laid it on thick
10 times into
a satisfying click
I'm counting
you don't deeply
exist here
while there
I'm sure
you are 100 percent


you know
you
are not


therein
resistance
is hot

you scorch

If I talk to the heat
above my head
it is of mayhem
and sage and rosemary
and the breathing in
of a chestful

Take yourself
in your arms
for a moment
don't admit
to a caress

Slink into some
darkness calm
delicious warming
envelopes and
you are still

I prayed with them
at some alter
little knowing

I've lent
myself out
and, later
drank

Can I be in love with you
for a little while
I don't want
your whole life
that's too much
for anyone
but you

Can I recognize
Can I surrender
Can I stick my tongue
where I believe
it will do you
the most good

I am here

Where are you tonight?

As if it was a game
I leap out
to spawn
an egregious word
again
unless we're talkin'
salmon and rapids
and then bears
reach and snag

gnash of day really
where you ranted
and I recanted
because it rhymed

and you didn't ***

I got lost
on my way
to my
denouement

There I was
racing along
and meaning
flew clean away

I could see it
over the trees
wings beating
hastily free

Leaving me
able to admit
nothing and
a little lost

I am not included
here
anymore
If you still
include yourself
here
I am very
suspicious
of your motives
hah

You would be correct if you thought
I was listening to you carefully
I can hear where you came from
and where you are going to
in your good morning

it just takes the sound
of your voice
the underlying vibrations
tell everything
you, if you,
cover

the best fakers work hard
not to overcompensate
not to obviously steer
and yet their pressure language
reveals their certain shallow nature
tools of the sea

this ocean of ambicioso
seething with us wanting
this or that or them
or to be that
and seen
so hungrily

I would be correct if you
wanted in
and will risk only vowels
a few consonants maybe
maybe a rhyme outbound
to see

I'm done with these things
I'm done with many things
we like to say
things like this
with finality

wow
I need to be
dramatic
see myself
big, powerful
decisive

and I am
simply
an overstuffed
human
flouncing my best guess
at manly at you

I don't want to own you
I want to be deep
inside you
now
now
now

I am aching in ignorance
and the connectedness
stays my indolent callous
regard
of
you

the song is telling me
that singing
together
is more than
the song

and that everything
dies
should even
die singing
I hesitate
endorsing

this
hazard this
new verse
about flowers
discordant purple
to pearl white

I am a moment
was going to say
the moment
then rethought that
satisfyingly a moment
if you are lucky enough
to get this far
then something
I am quite certain
will arrive on these
good vibes humming
between our verse
as if time were
our *****
oh

Look you know
you know
don'-cha know

an' won't be told
cannot be sold
wut's this you hold

ah'll be quiet
apostraprophetic
stiletto

when I abbreviate
y'u you'll see
out'a small where's

Cold fries, red wine, a chocolate shake
a salty head warming shiver board
how do these things rescue me
and curse me at the same time

Large size people
not physically
are showing up
everywhere

I am not as small
as I once was
and I see things
I never saw

and of course
they were always
here
somedadamnhow

you just looked my way
and I saw you in there
smile and then opalesce
into eyes just like mine

being here falling here
falling in love falling
all the time being here
a somersault with you

Is an ****** done
with quantum mirrors
is life and death
a glittery refraction
that is just so tasty
you can't stand it
you standing wave
you coursing lyric
singing thru diamond
shaped reflections
sublimating along
hop hop hopping

A distance
separates us
measured
in discomfort
even distrust
or does this
sound a heart
without need
of explanation

I'd take something seriously
'cept I know better
since I learned
to make stuff up
so I'd be taken
seriously

almost everything
I was taught to believe
someone made up
so they'd be taken
seriously
seriously

and now we're stuck
with their creative
inventions
and a stupidly
serious nature
we all hate

Blah!
Bluh blah blah
Gotta Yada

I think these are things
and they are not

These hands
passed from my father
now dead
passed from my mother
now dead
passed to my daughters
both living
grip this time
like a woman's ***

As you die
my poets
sing

I am almost
and I need
to overcome

I am near enough
that this ends
and begins

I am gone by
and none need
this ending

I am thought of
in some past
forgotten

And then these
syllables
containt

I thought I wrote
good poems tonight
and then I read the top ones
f me

sometimes I get so much bigger
than I am
and I don't even know
what that means
and I know you do
sometimes we are
that thing that knows
and the rest of the time
we remember
confused

I could never find the time
to write a poem
so instead
I wrote
down
salt and metal
hard times
fines or jail
lines I crossed
on the way
from anger
to surrender
threw them in
the box
held here
by you

I am not big enough
I think after reading
top poems here
authors so big
they see the stars
as if they were
space itself
so small
and bright

Enuf, I callout myself, my life
selfishness, conceit, self--centered
perhaps I am as I should be
or why did I grow this way
lessened I turn to you reading
calmly, curiously, judgmentally
I regard your air your breathing
your overall regard cooly distant
searching for what you know
in my miasma which I've poured
out upon paper napkins and time

It may have a AAA battery
this light I carry and
is hoping for a find
in this semi dark
of all my hopes run out
It may be flickering
and seem really really dim
against the background of you
such light raging in verse
I look away from your face
and there was a race I lost
getting here second to you

I feel myself closing in
when my arms fall
to my lap and break
through and debris
falls to my eyebrows
and I look up to see
myself closing in and

oh god I hate my stuff
has always been true
will always be true
sometimes includes
pants I wore

So I liked the flavor
of just now
It could be the usual
seasonings
<imagine digression
evoking flavorful
yet edgy "spices"
in your versatile pants>
now i don't like
just now
how did that happen

I want to have a forest
its breath laden
its tongue brambled
and pathed I'll walk
some hearted river
crooked swallow flying
and of time ranging
hills so quiet
small meadows, purple
wild flowers, squirrels
its light; watery webs
and splashes
on surprised leaves
warming still

I deleted these great lines
they were the best ever
you would have agreed

Dude, I'm propaganda
my mother made me up
and I made this up

first, I made you up
that was the easy part
searching reader

and now you think
might even insist
you actually exist

independent of
the verse
mutually serial

abnegation smashup
abort move on
this isn't on

I spent the day
in the forest
looking for
mushrooms
that aren't
mushrooms
but will be
if i harvest
and use dark
to nurture
in a curve
of nestle

This note sounds different
that the day plays against the night
its last thin shafts of blinding might
releasing yellow and mauve
slakes the house's white door bright
and i can no longer open my eyes
hearing this sound of so much exhaling
at darkness' returning cool thick cloak

I keep talkin' out my ***
'bout stuff I don' unnerstan'
'cause I want you to think
I'm cool and lean toward me
smiling something I imagine
all the time and even type
on pretend paper with
pretend margins and a button
performing magic whisking
unthinkably to you

This smooth blend
of anxiety, discomfort
and generalized fear
eases my Sunday dark

And mythical monsters
come the very next day
early, desiring a good selection
of my tenderer parts

against the onslaught
I wield would be art
with wannabe heart
for imaginary tarts

Inside the shell of the shotgun
pellets of metal, universes
wanting dissolute time

riven by wannabee galaxies
still unsure ambitious atoms
chanting with their ionic chums

fields just a thrum crusting
crystal lattices maybe suns
now's solidification on the run

Wanting
Not being wanted

Nothing
lives in that switch

Waiting
to take you in

Now let's write
the way forward
for everyone

I'm guessing between filters
the harmonics here are

living and breathing fire
I am in proximity

of a body experiencing
what it wants

and a brain confusing
everything

and here's hoping you
have one of each

If I'm under the gaze
of the best amongst us
or us at our best

This breaks the crust
pauses the lust
I am hushed