.
out!
.

i focus on my hand and
i see
happiness is closing my eyes and not being here
it's like....
trying
click of the tongue
different
i like it

push push out of the way
i set my hair free
i see my hand but i can't focus on it
but i do see every vein

that is all

It was a balmy evening.
Allan was from the Quentin era.
He hid his feminine reality but not his henna red.
The lights were dim and the pool was cool man.
It was winter but the moon shone bright and warm, just like Allan.
With port wine magnolia flowers in the water, he swam like Esther Williams.
Alone.
He was the most beautiful man I've ever seen.
Breaching.
I watched Allan from a dim room through the glass door.
My heart still feels his freedom on that night.
He has passed now.
His moments of pure joy still remain in all that knew him.
What a deep breath he was.

....
i've got something in my eye

It could be life.

If i lick my lips like i do to music
to you
hold on
show me the honey
not the money
as you stare into my eyes
i see stars
and i wonder why
you share my love
you crown me
in the city lights

i bite my lip and
if i raise my hands
hold on
i push my chair out
and let my hair out
Oh yeh
Ooooh yeh!
the raw
honey
softly
feeling the glow of your heart standing by
tenderness
tender- ness
my heart wanders
aimless- ly
hand in hand
shimmering in the spot light
grey roads
turn to blue
as you say goodbye
i .....

I realise that my delusions are far more pleasurable than my reality.
So I'm going to hang on to my delusions
And live them every single day.

if a woman wants to see you
you have to find her

....

i look in the mirror and i don't mind what i see
but sometimes
i just can't take that sideways glance
just in case i see the monster
that's always on my shoulder

....

i sit and i try to eat and i sleep and i drink and i think and i look at my feet and i can't help but shake up my
soul
i listen to music and i dance and i cook and i tap my fingers on the table and i look at my nails and don't eat the
food
i sing and i sing in harmony to myself and the sound on the radio it's old school and it's new school and it's good and it's bad but when it's good it's pure and
warm
it's winter so the heaters on and the slippers are snug and the gin is spicy and cooling and hitting the spot in the full moon no moon dark and
light
i think of the love that isn't and the love that is never found and the love that is and the love that just
isn't
i've got the music in my head and the lyrics in my head and the words repeating all at the same time singing speaking thinking and it's all
silence
the owl is still and the orange tree is still and the tree of life itself is still and the beat repeats repeats repeats
re re re r r (glitch)
repeats


....

the woman's world of ginger

My adrenalin is curdling
Douse me in rose water to dampen the steel blue and olive green in the mist
breathe
Gratitude and silver kettles
stepping stones
Complacent?
no
Diffident.
naivete surrenders

....

and inferior we are not
you and me
biological ancestors
creator
mother father
equivalent
we are identical companions
in this parallel universe
realise the existence of human rights
and the extreme planetary cleanse

.
Brubeck &
Daffy Duck
.

savour the delusion
exclusion zone
steel grey cloud
luminous silvered trim
grin
morning light
sunrise touching fingers stretched
twist & twitch
listen
a belated moon
skin
ascending golden shadows
birdsong
sans angst

you don't come out the same person you were when you went in
boundaries
they will question you
self control
a curiosity

Nevertheless.
Morality reigns - doesn't it.
The principles of freedom.
Of speech.
Of action.
Remember - you yourself - meet eye to eye.
Nature itself will be the universal change of everything you see.
Commit to the conscience.
The global consciousness.
Every experience is a meditation for the love of mankind.
All the wrongdoing - is transparent.
Who is your father - your mother?
Yes.
It comes back to life doesn't it.
Love comes without ignorance.
What do you call - light?
An inevitable quiet correctness?
Absolute binding laws, of our actions, will not reign.
Lets be practical.
Dissemble suspicion?
Let's see what happens with intelligent beings.
Apply and illuminate truth and reality.
Which now - it certainly not is.

silhouette in the dark
the orange tree was plump
smell the sweet

i feel the sound of jazz in the air

You regret what you said but it was so simple
So pure
You wait for the fire to die down
Their superiority turns to dust in the fireplace
Ultimately

Footsteps in your dreams and red velvet curtains turn the stage
to bare boards
quiet
Their silence is killing you

I stood in the wind and I could smell myself
I liked it
It was heady
I caught myself on the wind and it was good
I turned and walked away and was sad that it was only me that caught it
smile

......

It’s like a sink hole
Everything's going along then
Boom
You’re falling
You hit the bottom again and you have to find your way out of that
***** muck
Don’t look at me
I’m filthy
***** muck
I’ll reach up as far as I can until
It hurts

As excited as I may seem
The sky still shines blue black at night
The candle wax drips and sticks
Drum beat repeats
twitch
But through the night I sleep - sometimes - on and off
And in the light - I run and pat dogs
I don't see you but you are always seeing me so
I hold my chin in my hand and contemplate
It all

i wanted a solid ground
but i don't have one
so i dance on my feet lightly
with absolute passion

okay so
let's just go back to self indulgence

i feel my words (i hear my soul)
it is a warmth that
heals me

you know when you look for words so hard
scouring through words
it's all in my reality with no words in an index or list
alphabetically speaking
i'm not sure if the words i'm looking for ......
ahhhhh
they're floating on air
exist

Let's slow life down just a little
with a sprinkle

...

when you're old things don't work
the step rots
the shower rose clogs
the stew sticks to the pan
it always comes back to the mind ****
a **** would be a whole lot better but
it isn't going to happen
bring on the music
the tequila
the midnight promised kisses
the skin - on - skin
that text that - isn't going to happen?
but it sounds - good
a whole lot of fun
chocolates filled with cherries
long hair
no fear

raw
blunt
true
the simplicity of words
consultation & exchange
a caress in the fray of animated hands and eyes
and breath
distance near
orbit the sensitivity
conversational sensibility
withdraw with gentle salutation
don't look back
or you won't leave

It wasn't me but, it's me now.

If you take my money I want it back
I won't ask for it but if you turn up with a bit of paper for me, without me asking
I'm going to respect that
It's easy to forget the $$$ when it isn't yours
I do love that look of surprise when the money is given back like
I forgot
hahahaha
What a laugh

Well Janet
I caught you in the end baby
It's in the blood
Under the November moon
'62 must've been a good year
The plums, blackcurrants and dark cherries curled around the vanilla
The wild geese flourished and the money tree thrived in the silver lining
24 days and the luck kicked in
Stop right there girl!
But you know you're no going to
Are you bored?
"Look at that Janet, a Blue Spotted ***!"
belly laugh
Driving straight into the rainbow

I see comfort in my work because it's easier there
I'm not starving anymore
I ate the cake
I rub my thumbs together and stare at them, wondering
The universe is asking me WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I don't know!
But if it's good, I'll take it.
I'm confused
In the void
There is a transition happening
I'm caught in the middle of a muddle bug
I speak Latin don't you know
not
Oh My God!
Your knees are bleeding

it was a narration of a humble detonation
a crack in contented gratification
obscure and concealed in the shade
an observant witness
it represented a courteous compassion
an unpretentious kindness
hidden, camouflaged, cloaked in a shroud of dappled shade
satiated complacency
the birth and death had wings and scales
wild, raw and logical instinct turned to slumber
a stupor of beginnings and endings
diurnal, nocturnal on a crowded street
pure natural installations of respect and dignity honour the alter
the ignorance of youth stands with the wise sage of balance
captivated by the significant symbol of seniority
innocence and age poised in the seduction of voyeurism
safe and protected to witness and contemplate the invulnerable
a lazy satisfied and secluded pleasure appeased
rest and doze as the serpent and the bat embody the epitome of survival and death
strip, shed and peel the obscurity of night and day and embody the creation of bleached pigmented hues

Pain lies with the living and their perception of guilt
Not the dead
For the deceased is free
It is that thought of their sufferance that stops the rope from its short but lethal tug
If non existent time ensues
Happiness returns but remember
Had guilt not played its part
White light would have been the utopian end

i'm turning to honest
real
i was numb and not hearing your voice calling
i want to be sticky with sunshine and sand
i want to be an organic woman but i'm living in a world that demands work and discipline and only breathing from monday to friday at lunch times
my cake burned because i wanted it to be perfect
my cake is perfect
because it burned

it would be really nice to be able to share my madness with
someone
the tree is still tonight

cusped in hands as i sit alone without the paranoia of you and yours



alone


.....

violins play in the wind in the trees
and the bats sing while eating oranges
i lay still and listen
eyes closed
it's hot
and cold
but i won't move because if i do
i have to wake up
eyes closed






.....

i sit in the chair that belonged to the king
i am the queen
the chair belongs to me now
every time i sit in that chair
it groans and
                                        i laugh

.....